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Different perspective 2.0

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Atg100 posted 9/12/2019 04:50 AM

My wife will pick the kids up from my house tomorrow night. Last time she did that on a Friday, my house was full of kids and their parents : It was pizza and movie night.
Everyone knew my ex would come and pick up the children, and nobody had a problem with it.
The other parents were ready to go, my children had their packs packed, I had to go to work later that night.

Tonight she sent me an email, asking for all friends to be gone by the time she will arrive.
Apparently, last time , she felt that it was unfair and sad.

I chose the answer, taught to me by other members here :
"I am sorry that you feel that way, but I see things differently."

Gold, she had no comeback.

[This message edited by Atg100 at 4:51 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]

NoOptTo posted 9/12/2019 06:04 AM

Great response ATG, your XW was yet again trying to gain some control over you by asking to have everyone gone when she arrived to pick up your kids. Your response was golden. I hope you have read more about parallel parenting and the various short answers that will help you cope better with a narcissist XW.

[This message edited by NoOptTo at 6:47 AM, September 12th (Thursday)]

Atg100 posted 9/12/2019 06:12 AM

I showed her email to my secretary at work.
She was speechless.
Her responses would have not been so nice.
Bloody exhausting to deal with a narcissist

steadychevy posted 9/12/2019 06:58 AM

Excellent response, Agt.

Dreams/nightmares: I'm pretty busy for a semi retired so my days are full. I ranch, now in a small way. I'm also on a few board of directors and hold executive positions. It's the nights that get me. The nights when I'm not at meetings or something else.

What I can say, though, is that the nightmares have pretty much disappeared. I don't remember when I had the last one. They mostly involved things that I didn't do that I should have and making a new result. Like I said, I haven't had one (that I remember, anyway) for quite some time.

We get there with determination. You're a doctor. Obviously you can set goals and implement. You can focus. It will get you there. I predict that your dreams/nightmares will soon dissipate. Best wishes.

Freeme posted 9/12/2019 12:37 PM

Tonight she sent me an email, asking for all friends to be gone by the time she will arrive.
Apparently, last time , she felt that it was unfair and sad.

She is such a Nars... "Please make sure the kids aren't having fun with their friends when I arrive as it makes me feel uncomfortable." Not thinking of the kids, you, the other parents, anyone's time schedule... just herself. The fact that she didn't feel ashamed writing that is bizarre.

I have to say that I don't think she is going to handle things well when you start dating.

farsidejunky posted 9/12/2019 22:27 PM

Well done, ATG.

Keep the momentum going.

paboy posted 9/13/2019 00:26 AM

Lifeitself posted 9/13/2019 03:17 AM

Great response ATG. Did you clarify with your solicitor when you can file?

Atg100 posted 9/13/2019 04:55 AM

The process right now is that we change the signed mediation agreement into a court order.
There is a hold up by her lawyer- unusually long again, my lawyer has never seen anything like it.
The easiest is then to file on the 6th of December - one year after she moved out.
I donít know if I should go for an earlier date anymore.
It felt important to me before , but now I just donít care, to be honest .

paboy posted 9/13/2019 11:30 AM

Yes.. December will be here soon enough. At this point, your over the hump, and it will be here quickly anyway.

Ensure that you have a time schedule mapped out for you so that everything is in place for when you finally submit the divorce papers.

Although, the pace her lawyer moves, the final divorce is going to be protracted as well.

You do seem a lot more focused, and emotionally on top of things and more able to be clinical in this process, so the time issues now are not so relevant.

Congratulations. You are almost now out of infidelity.


Atg100 posted 9/14/2019 18:26 PM

Thanks for the post.
I am not sure if I am out of it.
There seems to be sadness,w which arrives in waves.
And on some days I feel that I can't do too much about it.
But these big waves now come less frequent.
That is no coincidence, it is the result of actively dealing with it.
But I can see how it will take years to be truly over it.

Atg100 posted 9/19/2019 06:06 AM

My ex-wife couldn't help herself.
She asked where I go on holidays - and with whom.
I answered her - she has the right to know where her children are of course.
I didn't comment on the question of company.
And then she lost it:
Apparently I was "lucky " that I had such a good income.
She will make sure that she doesn't stay the poor mum for long.
When I asked her (and I shouldn't have ) which part of my income may be due to luck , she answered:
" I sacrificed myself for your career"

Then moments later she wrote:
You know what,
never mind
its fine.

Which coincided with a meme I saw the other day
" The first rule of passive aggressive club is,
you know what ,
never mind ,
its fine"

I just send her the meme as a reply, and haven't heard from her since.

[This message edited by Atg100 at 6:21 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]

AFL1000 posted 9/19/2019 07:02 AM

Great job ATG that's sending a very clear message to your narcissistic ex. But my guess is she will continue sending you her crazy emails.

She just can't help but try and still control the situation by finding some avenue of attack ...I sacrificed myself for your career' !!! What about the sacrifices you made to give her such a great lifestyle.

Hopefully all this will cease when you finally sign off on the divorce papers.

Atg100 posted 9/19/2019 18:24 PM

I went to my psychologist yesterday.
She told me I had to enforce boundaries better.
- I got this advice for free on SI...
About my insomnia.
- Have you considered anti-depressants? I have, but just wanted to see if next week's trip to the coast gets me out of my 'negative-feedback-loop'.

Apart from that . She acknowledges that I have got trauma to deal with , that moments of sadness are normal and that I am doing ok.
That will be $180, thanks.

I think I get more help on SI.

Atg100 posted 9/20/2019 14:42 PM

A few weeks ago, my kids found an old phone of mine and were asking if it still worked.
I said ď I didnít know , I have to charge it ď
And forgot about it.
Yesterday, my ex emails:
ď our son told me that you are charging an old phone. Are you doing some more crazy stalking ? Can you ask me first .Ē
She hadnít seen the kids for 2 days at that stage.
I didnít reply.
And I also have no interest in charging her old phone.

But - itís pretty obvious that she has something else to hide.
Luckily, thatís in the past .

[This message edited by Atg100 at 2:42 PM, September 20th (Friday)]

paboy posted 9/20/2019 15:14 PM

On second thoughts, December is starting to look like a life time away.

Perhaps that last communication may need a short reply. 'It is my phone' would do.

I am thinking of the tale that she will most likely spin.

Sometimes nipping things in the bud is better.

Then back to minimal contact.

Marz posted 9/20/2019 15:24 PM

She told me I had to enforce boundaries better.

This is kinda on you now. You know better but do it anyway.

Maybe some lingering hopium she'll "get it"?

If you want a fairy tale ending buy a book or rent a movie.

We need to get you a shock collar for Christmas

[This message edited by Marz at 3:27 PM, September 20th (Friday)]

Freeme posted 9/21/2019 07:04 AM

ď our son told me that you are charging an old phone. Are you doing some more crazy stalking ? Can you ask me first .Ē

Such a Nars... even you charging a phone is all about her. You having friends over for the kids is all about kids...doesn't matter what you do it's ... about her.

I didnít reply.
The perfect reply.

Atg100 posted 9/22/2019 05:48 AM

Iím now for a week on the Gold Coast.
Itís the first week of the holidays ; the kids are with me.
We were on the beach, the kids played in the surf.
Iím standing in the water, the sky is blue .
And I think ď this is perfect ď

Getting there .

AFL1000 posted 9/22/2019 08:59 AM


Enjoy the week with kids on the Gold Coast. Let it just be about you and them. Hopefully your STBEx will not trouble you with crazy emails during the week.

I know you let the kids FaceTime with her when you go away on holidays so I hope she doesn't try and use that time to say anything that may spoil your holiday.

Enjoy the sun and the surf and as an opportunity to recharge your batteries and have quality time with kids.

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