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Different perspective 2.0

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Atg100 posted 11/13/2019 21:41 PM

Marz - you are absolutely correct .
And I will not answer the phone again.
I didnít mention that her emails also included a whole litany of how she know she cheated and how she has said sorry and whatever.
I only answered to keep emails about the children and didnít touch on all the other topics she wanted to throw into the mix.

I was just wary of her stating in a formal compliant ď I tried to communicate and he didnít even reply ď

So - I was short, explained that I donít tolerate name calling and asked her to put her expectations in writing.
Yes, it was a reply .
But there werenít too much kibbles in it for her I think .

And in the end of the day she called and emailed to get a dose of kibbles .

AFL1000 posted 11/13/2019 22:09 PM

I was just wary of her stating in a formal compliant ď I tried to communicate and he didnít even reply ď

no no no already have evidence in documented emails to her you would only communicate about the children or other pertinent legal matters, so any complaint she may want to raise on how you communicate with her is null and void.

Besides you have the fact in her communication with you she called you a wanker

I am interested in why your STBX is now thinking you would want full custody of the children. Is she now thinking that you could use her affair and Tinder dating lifestyle against her as the divorce is imminent.

Marz posted 11/13/2019 22:21 PM

no no no already have evidence in documented emails to her you would only communicate about the children or other pertinent legal matters, so any complaint she may want to raise on how you communicate with her is null and void.

Correct, plus you have evidence you reply when needed.

Your honor I need attention sometimes and DP isn't giving it to me. Just last week I had gas really bad and farted all night. I barely got any sleep. DP ignored my calls. He's just a meany.

What's a girl to do to get some attention around here your honor?????

DP why you so mean ? (Pouty Face)

Atg100 posted 11/13/2019 22:25 PM

She is not very smart with these sort of thing.
But you and Marz are correct .
I should have not answered .
I was just completely unprepared because the uniform purchase wasnít even an issue in my mind .
On the phone I was pretty grey rock , kibbles weíre not on offer .
But - too much headspace .
Anyway, the kids are with me until Monday morning .
So I can just block her on my phone until then .
If you remove her email from her phone contact details than she can still email, despite being blocked.

Marz posted 11/14/2019 00:36 AM

The headspace is the problem.

One phone call can screwup a good part of a day.

Learn to think when you get a call.

Atg100 posted 11/14/2019 00:53 AM

You are correct. Look how often I checked in here today.
I just thought about it and just blocked her on my phone altogether, email and all.
What is the worst thing that may happen?
We have the online calendar. And the emails will come through to my laptop which I pretty much check every evening.

Marz posted 11/14/2019 01:28 AM

Yep, from what I've seen headspace is the main problem.

As long as you respond timely (that doesn't mean immediately) within a 24 hour period (if needed) what's she gonna do?


Look she went her way. Now you need to go yours.

Think!!!! Do I need to respond?

Keep it simple. Yes or no if possible.

It's your life. Take it back.

[This message edited by Marz at 1:29 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]

Lifeitself posted 11/14/2019 05:59 AM

ATG, did you look into whether you can go for full custody? if you can, try full legal custody and split physical custody 50-50? in that case, you don't have to pay child support which you said was higher than the required amount, while your children have a relationship with their mother.

it seems you are already covering medical and educational costs solely (most of the medical expenses will be more than $75 apart from buying a tylol hot or two when they get cold), so what's the point of paying higher child support than the required amount?

[This message edited by Lifeitself at 6:06 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]

Sanibelredfish posted 11/14/2019 06:17 AM

ATG, the uniform wasnít an issue in your mind because you are a sane, rational person not set on controlling someone else. Come on, dude. This is the same shit she always pulls, she just changed the topic. School uniforms, toothpicks for birthday party sandwiches, fabric softener, whatever else you can think of. If she thinks she can use it to maintain control over you, she will. That is why NC is critical.

Seriously, you are a smart guy, and once you train yourself to not engage with her you will look back at this additional misery sheís putting you through and just shake your head. You have had the power all along, use it!

Marz posted 11/14/2019 09:46 AM

^^^^^ great post.

ATG you do have all the power here you just have to use it.

paboy posted 11/14/2019 10:03 AM

Remember these 'stock answers'..

'sorry you feel that way, but that is not how I feel'..


'Remember, you sacked me from that job'..

Those bush fires should be more concerning.😎

Atg100 posted 11/14/2019 15:37 PM

Thanks for all your support.
Itís a process, I guess.

Iím good now with emails , the phone call just interrupted me.
And itís altogether madness on her behalf.
So, my current choice - I blocked phone calls and texts but can get her emails , gives me a little more control whilst Iím getting my act together .
In future I should just deal with the phone calls better but like Marz points out: even if you give the most grey rock answer in the world , it still occupies headspace .
Blocking is easier

Marz posted 11/14/2019 20:15 PM

You'll get there. The problem you have is you're dealing with the abnormal. So your solution is going to be abnormal at least until you get the hang of it.

Think of it a preventive medicine. No contact

It's better than dealing with it every day after the fact.

You'll find long term it'll cut out any drama, reduce arguments, etc. the goal is to make your life easier, simpler.

Atg100 posted 11/15/2019 13:54 PM

And just to illustrate how slow my thought processes are.
A day later, I thought to myself that I actually should have hung up after she called me a wanker.
And by using choice words, she just uses the right to talk to me on the phone, simple as that.

Atg100 posted 11/17/2019 21:02 PM

A quite weekend with the kids, thanks to blocking her I guess.
Late in the afternoon, she emailed how much she missed the kids and if I could give them a hug from her and tell them she loves them.

I emailed back that I would give them an opportunity to do a facetime call with her at an appropriate time - and the y did that later.

I don't know if that was a genuine message.
Easy to see how she wants to pull on my heart strings, feeling sorry for her.
I just need to be careful that the kids don't get into the line of fire, so I don't say anything bad about her and offer contact such as the one yesterday.

But of course when I read the message , all I could see was selfishness and a self portrait as the victim.
During hand over this morning, I kept it very brief - and she was again extra friendly.
We had to change the routine to fit in with her work schedule, which is fine by me. I am sure she will have to return the favor at some point.
But her friendliness was over the top, however no sorry for name calling me.

A colleague is expecting their first child - and everyone told about their own experiences around and after the birth of their first baby.

I can't listen to those stories.
Moments in my life which I hold as most precious, are now completely stained.
I remember being completely overjoyed with love when my son and daughter were born. Now I avoid thinking about those days.
Better create new memories.

Atg100 posted 11/18/2019 14:54 PM

An email arrived
ď can I have the May long weekend next year with the kids; the school mums are going away ď

According to the co-parenting calendar this would be my weekend. Sure, itís 6 months away.

But any normal person would have offered to swap a weekend, in particular one, which was extra valuable as it had a public holiday on a Monday.

So I had to spell it out for her :
I sent her all public holidays for 2020, and whoís turn it was with the kids on the respective dates .
ď please tell me in writing of what you would consider a fair swapĒ

No answer .
It must have baffled her that I donít just give anymore but also want to have a fair share.
Unheard of.

[This message edited by Atg100 at 2:58 PM, November 18th (Monday)]

NoOptTo posted 11/18/2019 16:49 PM

Glad you are standing up for your rights as an active father in your kids lives. Yet, you received this email today and you answered it right back. You are continuing to feed into her ego kibbles by responding quickly. Please, start answering her back 24 to 48 hours after you read any non immediate emergency. Let her wonder why your not answering her inquiries. Hey this is 6 months away.

Atg100 posted 11/18/2019 17:01 PM

I responded after work.
There were a couple of questions in her email which needed answering .
Does our daughter have headlice ?
Itís going around in Kindy, apparently , I had done the recommended checks and didnít find any.

The other one was probably dangerous - she was wondering why our daughter had such a massive bruise on her hip.
( her brother pushed her )
Iím extremely guarded about this one.
A friend of mine is just dealing with a domestic violent complaint from his ex wife .
No evidence or proof , but he canít be now with in 100m of her and the kids until the proper court hearing !
And the courts in Australia are known to decide against the fathers . So I told her what happened , but I keep that email.

Atg100 posted 11/19/2019 04:35 AM

Another email.
Turns out she is too stupid to understand a google calendar.
I made it pretty simple, color coded and easy to understand.
She doesn't get it. And we are talking about a color coded week-on week-off parenting roster.
I can't answer her email, I would be cynical, and that would be the friendliest version.
And by now I realize that this would just start another circular argument, where everything would be my fault anyway.
I will answer on Sunday, just before she comes to pick up the kids.
It's amazing how she wants to be all grown up and doesn't even get those simple things right.

Bourbonhelps posted 11/19/2019 05:12 AM

And sometimes people play stupid to get what they want....

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