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Different perspective 2.0

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blahblahblahe posted 12/6/2019 17:41 PM

Objectives focus on the objectives.

Or if you want to spend the money have your attorney request the 20K plus all unreasonable charges.

I assume your tax attorney and divorce attorney worked out something where your X ends up with a tax liability afterward.

I personally found it therapeutic in the next tax year.

AFL1000 posted 12/6/2019 19:19 PM


You did the right thing in not sending the email. The fact that you reminded her of her agreement to pay half the filing fee and she stomped off in a huff without saying goodbye to the kids gives you a win over her. She might have been pissed but it shows her you are not taking anymore shit from her.

I sympathise that she is the one who is rewarded financially for having the affair and wrecking the marriage. I agree with blahblah that you should be looking at legal avenues to recoup the extra $20K she received. Just look at it this way, after she receives the agreed payments from you anything you earn after that as your professional practice grows is in your pocket not hers.

On a side note have you removed your STBX from your will or life insurance policies. In amongst the shitstorm of a marriage breakdown betrayeds sometimes forget this one.

Enjoy the time on the coast with the kids.

Atg100 posted 12/6/2019 19:40 PM

Thanks, yes I have a new will and changed my life insurance.

Two of my friends will be executors, have power of attorney and look as trustees after the kids' money until they are 21.

Atg100 posted 12/8/2019 02:35 AM

A wonderful weekend on the beach.
We created memories and had a great time.
When we finally left this afternoon, the old Bobby Mcferrin song "don't worry, be happy " played on the radio.

When my ex turned up late to pick up the kids, my daughter didn't want to leave and my son asked if I would pick him up for judo class tomorrow.
I have purpose in life and it is so obvious.

20yrsagoBS posted 12/8/2019 08:47 AM


Your babies are showing you that you are treasured by them.

Great job Dad!

Thatís priceless!

Marz posted 12/8/2019 10:01 AM

Kids are always smarter than we think.

They know

Freeme posted 12/8/2019 13:20 PM

A wonderful weekend on the beach.
We created memories and had a great time.

love posts like this one!

[This message edited by Freeme at 7:25 PM, December 8th (Sunday)]

AFL1000 posted 12/8/2019 19:33 PM


All the documents concerning the financial separation and childcare agreements are now filed with the courts and we can on Monday apply for divorce.

Is today the day?

Atg100 posted 12/8/2019 19:58 PM

All documents are filed.
Normally the turn around can be up to two months, but my lawyer is confident that they want all paperwork done by Christmas .

AFL1000 posted 12/8/2019 20:04 PM

So does this mean you could be officially divorced before Christmas? That would be a great Christmas present for you.

Atg100 posted 12/8/2019 22:22 PM

Thank you - I donít think it will actually change how I feel about the whole thing.
She has not been a wife for such a long while, Iím glad Iím rid off her but feel so sorry for our kids, who are still hoping that we get back together.
It will be a different Christmas , I will focus on the things I can influence and hope that I can make them experience this day as special .

AFL1000 posted 12/8/2019 23:11 PM

Your kids are adjusting to the 2 family situation pretty well by the sound of things. In time they'll realise that to be happy Mum and Dad can't live together and even though you are not married anymore it doesn't change the love you and your ex have for them.

While Christmas will be different you still get to share the experience by creating new and exciting Xmas traditions and memories unique to you and the kids🎄👫🎁

paboy posted 12/9/2019 03:21 AM

ATG I haven't posted in awhile, but have been reading your posts regularly.
It has been amazing how far you have progressed.
Actually, some of your comments you have mentioned especially regarding WW's taking up head space has resonated well with me and has helped me tremendously. Thanks.
Keep up the great work.

Atg100 posted 12/9/2019 05:19 AM

paboy - thank you .
I have not realized that I would help anyone to be honest. Writing my journal is first of all therapeutic. And the advice I have received, has helped me through very dark times.
I am glad if other people get something out of it.

steadychevy posted 12/9/2019 05:35 AM

That's the beauty of SI. Questions someone asks, perspectives someone gives, situations someone explains help others not even directly involved with the conversation.

It seems these things move forward at glacial speed, Atg. I hope your lawyer is correct about how this is progressing. You'll start the New Year with a new situation. Onward and upward.

Atg100 posted 12/10/2019 12:20 PM

And even a year later :
I wake up at 4am , thinking that my wife and children are with me at home.
I cry.

There is no point in staying in bed.
I just go to the gym.
Bench press cures heart ache.

steadychevy posted 12/10/2019 15:05 PM

Understood. I often am up between 3 am and 4 am. This morning - 5:15 am - bonus.

It does get better, Atg. The part about your children not being there will probably be the toughest.

I know it wasn't supposed to be this way. No broken family. It is what it is, though. But it does get better.

Atg100 posted 12/10/2019 15:38 PM

I think that there is no linear road to healing.
Its not like you need to do a certain number of things and all of a sudden you are healed.
Its waves of sadness and the frequency is slowing down - and we develop ways of dealing with it.
I knew I could stay in bed and stare at the ceiling.
But being in the gym, feeling the iron of the bar and pushing some weights.
It sets the mind straight.

[This message edited by Atg100 at 3:38 PM, December 10th (Tuesday)]

Atg100 posted 12/13/2019 03:26 AM

My ex just picked up the kids for a 2 week period.
Six week summer holidays start today.
We split it 2/2/1/1 and I think itís probably even better to get the 2 weeks without them out of the way first.
I can plan and prepare for our trip after Christmas.
Tonight is the night when my wife pretended to be on call whilst her Xmas party was on.
On Wednesday she actually said it was the party night and that the kids would have a sleep over at a friends house.
Thatís what she clearly said on Wednesday . So I contacted the friend , asking for her address and mentioned that I would be prepared to pick up my daughter in case she would get scared . She had never been on a sleep over .

Of course my ex emailed me : how dare I contact her friend behind her back.
She , my ex would pick up the kids from me , and the friend would come over to her house, if she would get called in.
Completely different to what she told me and the kids.
I didnít have the appetite for an argument and just said ď I must have misunderstood youĒ and left it like that.
My daughter was crying when my ex came
- so thank goodness I didnít have to leave her with this friend.
I know she will calm down at my exís place.
She must have realised that going to a party whilst leaving your young kids with a friend is maybe not the best idea.
But she could only lie again.

AFL1000 posted 12/13/2019 06:01 AM

ATG your STBX is so used to telling lies to you that when she is caught out her natural inclination is to cover with yet more lies.

Given the information you had I would have been making contact with the friend too to ensure there was an alternative plan in place if your daughter became distressed during her first sleep over. I remember when our daughter was about the same age we were called out at 1am in the morning to come and get her from her first sleepover because she was frightened being in a strange house.

When your STBX found out you had contacted the friend the story was changed yet again. It's always about her.

[This message edited by AFL1000 at 6:04 AM, December 13th (Friday)]

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