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Different perspective 2.0

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NoOptTo posted 1/4/2020 19:30 PM

Wonderful update ATG, your progress with dealing with your XWW is outstanding.... with a swipe, its deleted.... love it.

AFL1000 posted 1/4/2020 22:28 PM

Steady to reply to you while ATG is on vacation. Brisbane where ATG lives is not under threat but to give you an idea of the scope of the disaster of the mega fires currently raging

Queensland: over 250,000 hectares has been burnt over the past 6 months
New South Wales: 3.41 million hectares burnt
Victoria: 800,000 hectares burnt; rural town emergency evacuation orders implemented
South Australia: 54,000 hectares burnt including 1100 hectares of prime vineyards
Western Australia: 1.2 million hectares burnt since November
Tasmania: 10,000 hectares burnt.

And as of today the fires in NSW and Victoria are escalating with many out of control.

Australian defence forces mobilised to assist with firefighting and evacuations.

thousands of homes, farms and out buildings destroyed; massive loss of livestock and indigenous animal populations especially koalas and kangaroos. On Kangaroo Island off the coast of South Australia 50% of the 50,000 koala population wiped out!

Protected rain forests and national parks decimated.

There has been loss of life and many people unaccounted for.

Even if we get rain it is anticipated these mega fires will burn for up to 8 more weeks.

We are grateful that firefighters from North America and other countries have arrived to support our exhausted firefighters.

These are the worst bushfires I have witnessed in my 68 years.

Only substantial rain can can help us now and there is none on the radar.

ATG I apologise for the thread jack but just wanted tell SI members how dire the situation is.

[This message edited by AFL1000 at 11:06 PM, January 4th (Saturday)]

Atg100 posted 1/5/2020 03:00 AM

Well, and you forget to mention that the only substantial support seems to come from Instagram celebrities, the singer Pink, Nicole Kidman and Ash Barty . Whilst our prime minister is asleep at the wheel.

AFL1000 posted 1/5/2020 05:14 AM

Yes only after a massive community backlash for going on holidays to Hawaii at the start of the bushfire crisis and hostile receptions when he visited people who lost their homes and livelihoods is he now invoking emergency Federal Government support and funding. Should have happened months ago!!! (End of vent).

steadychevy posted 1/5/2020 06:14 AM

Thank you for the information, AFL, and good to hear from you too, Atg. My knowledge of Australian geography is limited (obviously). I knew it travel was by air between where Atg and his WW live and where her parents live.

I've retired from being a volunteer fire fighter. I was involved with the Slave Lake fire a few years ago although my fire chief turned me back to go assist two other volunteer fire departments fighting fires.

68, AFL. 1951 must have been a good year.

Hope your remaining vacation with your children is enjoyable and restful, Atg.

Atg100 posted 1/6/2020 18:15 PM

Still on holidays ... Iím only now settling down.
It always takes me time to unwind - and in fairness, I have received quite a few emails and had to make work related calls.
But I keep them to a minimum.

Itís my former FILí s birthday - luckily my 8 year old has an iPad. He just calls him to make a FaceTime call and the children chat with him whilst I do something else.
My son also sends photos and texts his mother - just as he texts me when they are at her house .
The good thing is - Iím completely out of the equation. Apart from providing him with internet access, I donít need to be involved. The children maintain a good relationship with their grandparents and can contact them and their mother almost any time they want to. I assume that other aspects of a divided family will also become easier . A friend of mine has been divorced for longer - and since her teenage son has a car license, her kids go between the two houses as they please . Yes, they officially have 50:50 custody, but if they feel they want to see their dad for dinner, the kids make their own way over. My friend just likes some notice for practical reasons, but she doesnít need to be involved either.
Thatís worth aiming for.
Be the sane parent , allow access to the other parent and let the children make their own choices .
The final financial court orders arrived today. I need to pay up on the 29th.
Itís incredibly unfair - but there is nothing I can do about it.
Gotta roll with the punches as they say.

paboy posted 1/7/2020 00:44 AM

Are you still able to have it tax deductible? I really consider that, a huge wind fall.

It has been noticeable your progress through the stages of grief. The grieving, the anger, and now the acceptance.

Your going to come out of this o.k.👍

p.s.did anything come from that date with the surgeon...😎

Atg100 posted 1/7/2020 01:08 AM

Date with the surgeon - it was nice and we texted a few times.
But I think the timing was a little wrong - around Christmas and New Year's both of us were quite busy ; I wasn't in the best mode : Christmas is just not a relaxed time. I also didn't want to impose on her, if you know what I mean. My cunning plan is to ask her out again after the holiday is over and am able to present the more relaxed and slightly sunburned version of myself. "Chicks dig that shit" - I actually don't know if they do.
Its nearly 14 years since I last dated, I just want to play things slowly.

Yes, I can tax deduct a large chunk, which softens the blow.

My former MIL emailed "thanks so much for letting the kids facetime their grandfather"
I just told her to take me out of the equation and call the kids whenever she likes and left it like that.
She replied "We will never leave you out of the equation"
Stupid woman, I am on holidays and don't want anything to do with her dysfunctional family.
I am not getting worked up about it at all, it's just so clear that mother and daughter seem to want to reel me in again, after I made it pretty clear that I don't want anything to do with them.

Buster123 posted 1/7/2020 03:58 AM

I am not getting worked up about it at all, it's just so clear that mother and daughter seem to want to reel me in again, after I made it pretty clear that I don't want anything to do with them.

Next time just ignore the MIL, like you said they're just trying to "keep you in the equation", simply ignore them (unless it's an emergency or something serious regarding the kids).

Marz posted 1/7/2020 05:28 AM

^^^^^^ yep, you donít have to respond.

Stuff like that doesnít require one.

They would love to have you back because it would benefit their daughter.

[This message edited by Marz at 5:30 AM, January 7th (Tuesday)]

Sanibelredfish posted 1/7/2020 07:46 AM

I think your former MIL misspelled, ďKeep you on the hook.Ē

NoOptTo posted 1/7/2020 11:46 AM

Better yet, when MIL emails you, delete it before opening. There is no reason you have to communicate with them.

Atg100 posted 1/8/2020 21:20 PM

My insurance broker emailed .
He has now taken my ex off all my insurances.
I asked my ex and him in January 2019 to sort it out .
Admittedly I didnít check on it further , thinking they would have done this .
It turned out that it took my ex 10 months to sort herself out, at a cost of $4000 to me.
Itís already paid, I could ask her to pay me back.
Legally I havenít got a leg to stand on .
I waive it.
Iím on a holiday, this can again blow out of proportion and occupy head space.

My kids did FaceTime with her whilst she was on a date .
I was in the other room but it was obvious - the kids asked to see the friend she was in a restaurant with ; she made excuses.

I took it as a challenge to not let it affect me.
I went ok - I am on holidays with my kids , thatís much more important.

AFL1000 posted 1/8/2020 23:47 PM


Hope the weather is good in Bali and you and the kids are having a great time together. Why did your insurance broker allow the amendment to the insurances to take so long? Wasn't he under your instructions to have your ex removed from your insurances as soon as possible. Do you have some redress through him to get some of the money back?

It would have been courtesy for your ex to excuse herself from her date to talk to the kids privately on FaceTime but maybe she was hoping you would overhear she was on another date. Just reinforces our view of her and her narcissistic traits.

Really pleased your ex's dating episode had no affect on you. It will become easier and easier to ignore and not occupy any headspace.

[This message edited by AFL1000 at 11:50 PM, January 8th (Wednesday)]

Atg100 posted 1/9/2020 01:00 AM

Well, he felt that I would pay until things are sorted. He apologised for not informing me.
I will see if I want to stick with him in the long term .
And with a normal person, sorting out her cover would have taken 2 months max - and I would have happily covered such transition period.
With her, everything is always different .
10 months to produce some documents .
Whilst seemingly being uptodate with all other aspects of her life. Itís intentional , there is no other explanation.
The date - her problem or shall I say his ?

The weather is beautiful , we are having so much fun .
Itís easy to waive this one off.
She has to live with herself and narcissists donít do life very well.

Atg100 posted 1/10/2020 03:02 AM

My ex sent me an email - which I haven't answered.

She was referring to the insurance payments, but she pointed out that our divorce settlement was favorable for me, because she respected me so much and what I had given her over the years.
She said she was entitled to so much more.

How funny - she must have gotten feedback from her friends and family, saying that she should have taken me to the cleaners. Here is ATG holidaying in Bali and she is a poor nurse.
To rewrite events after they happened is her specialty.

The settlement was favorable for me because she hadn't done due diligence and her lawyer was not very good.
She cried through the mediation, hoping that I would give her more money. But she needs a story to feel good about herself.

Hold your fire - I won't answer.

paboy posted 1/10/2020 15:00 PM

I wonder if her head would burst like a melon, if she knew about the tax relief..

crazyblindsided posted 1/10/2020 15:10 PM

but she pointed out that our divorce settlement was favorable for me, because she respected me so much and what I had given her over the years.
She said she was entitled to so much more.

What a typical narc always have to make themselves feel special somehow.

NoOptTo posted 1/10/2020 17:45 PM

Good going... crickets is the best answer. And keep venting here ATG. Her world ends about 12" from her nose. It's all about her. Continue with not feeding the narc.

Marz posted 1/11/2020 16:25 PM

Youíre learning to ignore. A very good thing.

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