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Different perspective 2.0

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Atg100 posted 6/17/2019 05:25 AM

I have to admit that I知 not keen on having any kind of discussion with her.
As I said before - I never feel better after talking to her .
My lawyer knows that I can file for divorce on the 2nd of August- we pretty much lived separate lives after DDay .
But will I feel better ?

The only thing which makes me feel better is no contact .

paboy posted 6/17/2019 15:02 PM

Hmmm...Your last post raises a few points. You are still having problems emotionally detaching, and that is understandable. In a lot of instances, only time heals.

When you are ready, another relationship helps. However, I can guarantee that when that does occur, she will kick up a stink. If I can't have him, no one can..She appears to have that type of mentality.

But the reason for this post.

You have played the long game well to date. You are approaching the 18th hole. Play this hole well and your back in the greenhouse.

Be amiable as possible, but let her know that since we 'both' realize that reconciliation is not going to occur, we can file in August. If she makes a decision favourable for you, you start preparing to putt it out so to speak.

This will require you to come out of any safety zone, but focus on the tee and play it wise and strong to the end.

Hope this helps.

Atg100 posted 6/17/2019 16:34 PM

Thank you-
There is no question that I will file in August. I already instructed my lawyer to make this part of the mediation discussion .
The last few days were a throw back .
But I have been thinking about it - I知 not missing her and her lies. I知 missing the family unit which I mistakingly believed we had.
I will get over it.
But the recovery was never going to be linear, there would be set backs and this just was one.

Atg100 posted 6/18/2019 19:55 PM

I have to be honest. The last few days have been terrible.
I have driven myself into this dark space.
I知 sad and start crying again in between patients.
I was so far ahead and now seem to have taken a huge step back.
I know who I am and where I want to be, but the feeling of sadness and rejection have become once again, overwhelming.
I知 realistic enough to see that these things will come in waves, and need to allow myself time to heel.
It痴 foolish to make another person the master of my own happiness and I have put her firmly in the driver seat.
Of course, all of this just happens in my own head.
And of course I know I will be better again.
But it just surprised me how hard it had now hit me again.

Wool94 posted 6/18/2019 20:06 PM

Atg, I've followed your story from a distance. But I hang on your every post. I know that there are many others besides myself that are pulling for you. I hope that when you are down, you just think about us. You've been amazing during this whole situation, but what you've been through has to be absolutely exhausting and draining. You can't be Superman all the time, sometimes you have to be Clark Kent. Being Clark allows you to decompress.

If you have to cry between patients, so be it. It's good for your healing. You've come so far, please don't look at these episodes as setbacks!

You may not cry again for six months, but if and when you do, know that you are getting stronger daily.

Gettingoveritall posted 6/18/2019 20:30 PM

Atg, mark me down as another person who thinks about you often, and is pulling for you.

I'm sorry you are in pain. It will get better.

Atg100 posted 6/18/2019 23:03 PM

Thank you both for taking the time and send me your support. It helped me a lot .

AFL1000 posted 6/19/2019 00:10 AM


I have been with you on this journey out of infidelity since last year. You know from reading other posts that this journey is a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes you think you are in control and then bam something happens like last weekend's encounter with the STBXW and the pain of the situation rears its ugly head.

I'm sorry you had a few very down moments but I'm pleased that Wool94 and Gettingoveritall have come to your thread with great words of support.

Just keep looking forward to celebrating with your son on his birthday this weekend. I will be doing the same with my 6yo grandson.

As Gettingoveritall said there is not an SI member who is not pulling for you.

Atg100 posted 6/19/2019 02:49 AM

I will concentrate on the good things , life is too short.
But just when I long for no contact, she sends me 5 emails.
All about absolutely nothing .
Can I wash the kids sports clothes prior to an athletics carnival. Stuff of that caliber . 5 of them.
I don稚 answer and they just keep coming .

Emotionssoraw posted 6/19/2019 14:04 PM

Hey ATG, I wanted to remind you we are all here supporting you with every post. I have been following you from your first posts. You are doing so well, remember to be kind to yourself. Accept every day as it comes, and goes, and realise you are another day closer to happiness.

Atg100 posted 6/19/2019 15:02 PM

Hi guys,
thanks again for your support.
I needed it !
It is so good to know that you are here.

I have got good friends but it can get pretty lonely. And of course the feeling of being rejected, the knowledge that I miss out on 50% of my young children's time - and to a degree also the financial uncertainty , that all can drive me into a pretty dark space.
But - thanks to your support, and a good night sleep, it hurts just a little less this morning.

And who rejected me ?- a wayward person with no moral compass, who had an affair with a smooth talking company rep ( bold head), who lied about his own marital status.
My ex lied, every time she opened her mouth.

Yes, I was grieving the loss of my family unit, and I am sure my boy's birthday will be yet another hurdle.
But I shouldn't confuse with what I thought I had, with what it really was.

Atg100 posted 6/21/2019 02:16 AM

My wife sent me an email:
I知 rushing the divorce process apparently .
I kept my answer brief:
I only react to circumstances you created .

AFL1000 posted 6/21/2019 05:15 AM


Your STBXW sees her previous lifestyle crashing around her and the responsibilities of being a parent without your day-to-day support.

Of course she doesn't want you to 'rush the divorce process' because she's getting good financial support from you at the moment and her lawyers may have indicated that given the current assets and liabilities of your businesses she is not going to get as big a slice of the cake as she thought. Now that the divorce is approaching reality is really starting to hit home. Expect more frequent emails.

Enjoy the time with your son, daughter and friends at your son's birthday party this weekend.

Stevesn posted 6/21/2019 06:29 AM


Good job keeping responses brief. Try to see if you can get to the point that you don稚 respond at all to something like that.

If it痴 not specifically about the kids or paying bills, not need to respond any more.

Honestly it痴 the best way.

You池e doing great. Keep it up one day at a time.

Buster123 posted 6/21/2019 13:18 PM

The decision to D has been made crystal clear, she's been stonewalling the whole process from the beginning, just ignore small rants like this and file in August and move full steam ahead with it.

paboy posted 6/21/2019 13:34 PM

Yep focus on the tee and prepare to putt it out.

Have a great weekend ATG.

AFL1000 posted 6/23/2019 05:13 AM


Hope you had a great time with your kids at your son's birthday party and your STBXW didn't use it for any more of her game playing with your emotions at a time when you should both be just focusing on giving your son a good time with family and friends.

Oh and by the way paboy I like your golfing analogies about ATG's situation.

paboy posted 6/23/2019 05:54 AM

Hope that you have had a great weekend, and that family time with your son was priceless.

Have an awesome week.

Atg100 posted 6/23/2019 21:29 PM

My boy's birthday party yesterday was much easier than my daughter's the week before.
We went to a wildlife park, 10 kids, all super excited. I had hired a minibus, so that even the drive there would be fun.
And the kids raced around the zoo, I didn't had much to do apart from feeding them at the right moment. As it was a vast area, my wife and I hardly talked and focused on looking after the children.
In the evening, we sent a few nice messages - after all our boy turned 8, and he is such a happy child, despite everything which went on last year.
My wife then wrote, that having children had quite a negative impact on her mental health and that she only now starts feeling like herself again.
I only remarked that I am glad she is recovering , obviously, being without me , must have achieved that, so the divorce will be good for her.

Apparently, that's not what she meant.

Ah well, I didn't take it any further.

Marz posted 6/23/2019 23:46 PM

For whatever reason your ignore button is broken and that won't do you any good but it is your choice

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