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Different perspective 2.0

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Atg100 posted 4/13/2020 05:35 AM

Thanks for the messages and sorry for the delayed response.
My divorce came unnoticed - too much is happening at work and at home.
My lawyer rang in the afternoon on the 8th, stating that it was all done.
I was working as the acting director of our lung transplant department and was busy.
I don't think , I am in any way special, the whole world is currently busy, everyone is trying to keep a number of balls in the air.

And actually on that day - my ex rang me early in the morning, quite unwell with a febrile illness which later turned out not to be Covid.
So, I took the kids to my house , out of the usual schedule. I figured that sooner or later I may fall sick and she can return the favor.
Our interactions are brief and by now strictly only about the kids. We had to make some decisions about school - children of essential workers can go to school here , we just had to agree on what we do.
And this actually worked out ok.
I just don't give her the headspace anymore.
She later texted, that it was good to see how relaxed I was nowadays.
I didn't answer. I thought it was a bit rich, given that the reason I may have been not relaxed prior to that was she herself.
But who cares?
The new woman in my life is a blessing, we have many good conversations and I am glad that we have found each other, in particular during this crazy period.
Then again, I am also really happy on my own and like the fact that she lives on the other side of the river.We are in touch, but not in each other's pocket.
She gave me one good piece of advice - my daughter always sleeps in my bed when she is at my house. This is fine by me, eventually it will end.
However - my girlfriend looked at her room ( she hasnt met the kids yet and won't for a while ) and said "this looks like an Ikea show room. There is no magic here".
So I spend my spare time this week, to clean the rooms, make her toys more accessible and put a bunch of fairy lights up. I bought "frozen 2 "bed linen and now cant wait for them to come tomorrow.
I hope she likes it.
My boys room was covered ankle deep in Lego pieces which I sorted for him and created an actual space for him to build . Let's see if he uses it.

[This message edited by Atg100 at 5:36 AM, April 13th (Monday)]

AFL1000 posted 4/13/2020 06:25 AM


Because you were MIA for a while I figured you would have an increased workload due to COVID-19 and have extra duties thrown your way as do all medical, nursing and other health professionals at the moment.

For your sake I am glad the finalisation of the divorce was expedited on the scheduled date and not delayed and that you can now move forward with your life.

Sounds as though the new woman (girlfriend) in your life, not only provides you with a source of emotional support during this difficult time, but offers a woman's perspective about your young daughter. Her comment about the bedroom is a case in point.

Now that the divorce is final, and without all the baggage, anger and hurt of the past 20 months that your ex put you through, I truly hope your new relationship blossoms and happier days are on the way once this pandemic is behind us.

edited to add: let us know how your daughter likes her newly decked out bedroom. My granddaughters are into Frozen too

[This message edited by AFL1000 at 6:35 AM, April 13th (Monday)]

paboy posted 4/13/2020 06:43 AM

Great update. Best thoughts as you look forward.

NoOptTo posted 4/13/2020 15:47 PM

Thx for the update ATG. Life has a way of moving on. It has kept you busy. Glad your finding pleasure in things again. Stay safe my friend.

Marz posted 4/13/2020 16:03 PM

So I spend my spare time this week, to clean the rooms, make her toys more accessible and put a bunch of fairy lights up. I bought "frozen 2 "bed linen

Nice touch

Atg100 posted 4/14/2020 15:11 PM

My daughter loves her redecorated bedroom.
She went to bed extra early; she couldn't wait to go to sleep.

It will be my birthday next Saturday.
My girlfriend will cook me diner at her house on Sunday night.
Usually my ex and I change over the kids on Sunday at 5pm.
My ex asked if I could keep the kids until Monday morning. I declined and said that I was invited to a birthday dinner.
With current social distancing restrictions, its pretty clear that it wouldn't be a ravishing party. (Where I live, each household is allowed to have two guests at present.)
But I didn't mention who I would meet, it's none of her business.
But she must have come to her own conclusions.
She sent a barrage of angry emails my way, complaining about pretty much everything.
I remained very friendly and polite.
She later apologized.
That has been the pattern of late.

[This message edited by Atg100 at 3:12 PM, April 14th (Tuesday)]

paboy posted 4/14/2020 16:59 PM

Sounds like you were upsetting her romantic weekend, and 'why should you move on so quickly. Your suppose to be shattered in losing her'.

Marz posted 4/14/2020 17:14 PM

But she must have come to her own conclusions.
She sent a barrage of angry emails my way, complaining about pretty much everything.
I remained very friendly and polite.

Just ignore. You donít owe her a thing

sisoon posted 4/15/2020 12:02 PM

I'm glad your daughter liked her room.

How about your son? I mean, ankle deep in lego pieces sounds right to me. 'A place to build' not so much. But that's me. What counts is how your son likes his room....

Atg100 posted 4/15/2020 14:54 PM

I sorted the LEGO pieces by color in boxes in the evening. In case you need to do something whilst social distancing measures are in place - that's a task. And cleared his LEGO table of all the lose pieces and now created actual space for building.
I also bought both of them some new LEGO - we have a week of Easter holidays together and won't leave the house much. My son got a very complicated model, above his age group recommendations. So that keeps him entertained. I asked him what he would like for his room; he only asked for a new poster, which I ordered. I don't want to stereotype genders, but he is quite happy in his LEGO chaos....

AFL1000 posted 4/15/2020 20:32 PM


Glad your daughter liked her newly decked out room. Does your son share his Lego with his sister? We had this issue with our grandchildren who are about the same age as yours. We had success in giving our granddaughters DUPLO as it's easier to use and has lots of cute characters to go with the blocks to build castles for Elsa, Anna, Kristoff and Olaf!! Yes we play Frozen games too with our granddaughters

Expect more crazy emails from your ex as she will definitely be trying to learn who her replament is. It will drive her crazy.

paboy posted 5/4/2020 04:41 AM

Atg.. Well bud, you are well out of infidelity. I hope things have slowed down at work and that you are having the opportunity to enjoy life as best you can. Cheers.

Atg100 posted 5/5/2020 06:38 AM

Thank you for the message and just a check in from my end.

It is a process during which I have learned a number of things.

1) Practice self care.
I gave myself away and danced the pick me dance.
I exhausted a lot of energy, but did not achieve anything of what I thought would be the desired outcome.
Instead I would recommend to focus on yourself, practice the 180 - and practicing self care is just another term for it.

2) The best decisions in life are usually made when one is calm, well rested and not stressed.
To get to such a state is a question of one's mindset.
I was the guy who was panicking, clutching at straws, making rushed decisions under very stressful circumstances without taking a time out. Give yourself the time out.
Quietly contemplate your best options, do not dance to the cheater's tune.

3) If people want to leave your life, let them go.
As long as you know that you have done your best, and they still want to leave, let them go.

I am sitting here right now, the house is quite , my kids are at my ex.
I cherish the time with them when I have got them. But I also cherish the time on my own.
To have freedom and peace in your own home, is of such incredible value.

[This message edited by Atg100 at 6:52 AM, May 5th (Tuesday)]

NoOptTo posted 5/5/2020 17:38 PM

This update is amazing ATG. You have come so far in your journey. You have SURVIVED infidelity and come out a much better you.... bravo my friend.

NoOptTo posted 5/5/2020 17:38 PM


[This message edited by NoOptTo at 5:38 PM, May 5th (Tuesday)]

paboy posted 5/5/2020 18:26 PM

Indeed. Peace after all this turmoil, especially all that you essential workers have had to work with, would be blissfully.


paboy posted 6/1/2020 05:57 AM

How are you doing bud? Heck after so many pages things are quite around here with out you.

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