"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

Kitty26 posted 9/15/2019 11:32 AM

This was the second instance. In the first instance, he told me that he was always married and loved his wife. This was after a full 6 months of living together and me supporting him. There is a kid involved so hang tight.

He cut off connections for about 3 months before messaging me trying to apologize. I was almost in the process of moving on and he stopped me in my tracks. Somewhere along the lines of, "My wife told me to do it" and "I want to be your life partner" I was sucked back in.

Things went well when he moved back in. For a year and six months we lived together. I struggled with my employment and depression and so did he. We both went to a dark place however I was in love with him and his child (who I cared for a lot with his seperated wife's permission). He on the other hand could not find a job and lost that ability to care for me and his family.

He moved back to his home town abruptly one night. I suggested a break from things so he could get his head straight and I could move there one day to be the wife that he wanted. In a week, he went back with an ex who made multiple fake profiles to even talk to him in the first place.

She cheated on him a long time ago. He was giving her a second chance and in turn cheated on me. We kept arguing. For two weeks, he did not want to let go of our friendship and I just wanted to be with him.

Finally we are at a month of silence (which was planned). I proposed to him as a last stance he said he needed time to process. Yet as the days go on he is bonding with her more than myself. His stuff is still in my home, he has my things and owes me money.

I have never been in a relationship where things went so.... off the wall. One moment you want to have a family with me and the next you're gone.

The girl is the total opposite of me. She looks for attention, does not like all the nerdy stuff that kept us close and above all cheated on him in the past.

I don't know what to do anymore. If its worth the struggle or if I should just move on. Is he even processing my propsal like he said he was? Is this friendship he wants just a way to have his cake and eat it too?

I'm hurt. I honestly believed this guy was my soul mate and I fell in love with his kiddo too.

Dragonfly123 posted 9/15/2019 11:57 AM

How did you get involved with this man? Were you the affair partner while he was married? Sorry but this guy is a serial cheat and a liar. The soul mate stuff is classic cheater speak.

pearlamici posted 9/15/2019 12:02 PM

he told me that he was always married and loved his wife

Let's just start with this - if this is the way he treated the wife he "loved" there's your answer. This guy is a user, floating from one partner to the next. Move on, this isn't love. You have no ties to him, work on yourself and don't let him drag you into a life of his indecisiveness.

Kitty26 posted 9/15/2019 12:04 PM

Yes but I had no idea. We met on an online dating site. Which-- I have met a lot of good people in the past online.

I'm trying to come to terms of this epic lie he built with me. Ugh.

sisoon posted 9/15/2019 12:22 PM

He lied, but you found out about the lie and kept the relationship going.

Which betrayal are you here for? His cheating on you or his initial lies that got you into this affair?

Are you ready to end your relationship with this guy?

SI welcomes a cheater who wants to stop the A and who wants to change from being a cheater to being a good partner. I think you may find some help if you want to redeem yourself.

If you want help getting your affair partner back, SI is not for you. We can't help.

Your affair partner sounds like a leech. Why do you want him? Why would you accept the way he treats you?

[This message edited by sisoon at 12:30 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]

Dragonfly123 posted 9/15/2019 12:23 PM

Sadly, as you’ll read here a lot of cheaters fish for affair partners in on-line dating sites. They move quickly to pull in the APs with soul mates/twu luv/kismet narratives. It works time and time again. He was utterly broken to have done this to his wife and child. He would have caused her a huge amount of trauma and pain, many of the betrayed suffer PTSD as a result of cheaters like this man. He’s now done the same to you and is working on another woman. He’ll be feeding her the same bullshit. Kitty I can tell you’re hurting but honestly he’s doing you a favour. Get away from this man and get some individual counselling to help you shore yourself up against another relationship with a man showing such massive red flags.

You’ve only been with him a couple of years, honestly, you are best out.

[This message edited by Dragonfly123 at 12:27 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]

Buster123 posted 9/15/2019 23:33 PM

At this point you have nothing to work with, do yourself a favor and exit this toxic "relationship", RUN for the hills, you really dodged a bullet, and next time don't date married men, do your due diligence and find out for sure whether they're still married or not, btw don't forget to get tested for STDs.

SI Staff posted 9/16/2019 05:17 AM

   Moving to General

The1stWife posted 9/16/2019 13:02 PM

Do you see how this relationship has been built on lies, surrounded by lies and has no redeeming factor?

crazyblindsided posted 9/16/2019 13:03 PM

I'm trying to come to terms of this epic lie he built with me. Ugh.

If you feel like this lie was epic for you, can you imagine how his wife is going to feel? This man is an asshole who is only concerned with himself and his needs.

Drop him and tell his wife!

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:04 PM, September 16th (Monday)]

RedHeadTemper posted 10/17/2019 09:12 AM

If anyone ever calls you their soulmate, turn and run.

DevastatedDee posted 10/17/2019 09:16 AM

Seconded. I thought it was a cute romantic thing that my XWH called me that. Ha.

Justgetitoverwith posted 10/17/2019 15:01 PM

Third-ed. WS only called me his soulmate after I found out about the cheating. It was totally manipulative.

The1stWife posted 10/17/2019 16:20 PM

Move on. He’s not a catch - he’s a catch and release meaning you throw him back in the pond.

20yrsagoBS posted 10/17/2019 16:25 PM

RUN Kitty Run away from this monster

Kitty26 posted 10/17/2019 19:49 PM

Hey guys its me again! After a bit of time and a lot of talking with people who care about me I have successfully moved on. I am civil with my ex and am dating other people. I still pride myself on my freedom so I haven't really felt the need to dive into anything serious but I feel amazing.

I also have a new job I love.

I want to thank everyone for their encourging words and advice.

The1stWife posted 10/18/2019 16:06 PM

He called me his Soul Mate

He lied because he did not mean it.

So sorry for you.

dblackstar2002 posted 10/18/2019 17:42 PM

Uhhhh! I want to find the crappy writer who coined this phrase and beat the crap out of him! There is no such thing! There are billions of people on this planet! You truly think you can have a deep connection with only one? Uhhh! I am going to find this fool before he does more damage to realtionships!!!!!!!

sisoon posted 10/19/2019 10:23 AM

I wish you the best. Um ... you HAVE decided to stay away from M men, right?

crazyblindsided posted 10/19/2019 10:38 AM

I honestly believed this guy was my soul mate and I fell in love with his kiddo too.

This guy is slime think about who introduces his kid to his affair partner while still married? That is some messed up crack right there.

And soulmate material... just no... this is more like soulless!