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20yrsagoBS (original poster member #55272) posted at 1:16 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
So, going into the pre A relationship, we are supposed to believe this partner had our back, and will keep our best interests in mind when making decisions that affect us? Going forward, this is supposed to be the way it is, correct?
At what point does the disconnect occur that enables them to change direction and choose the path of “I” rather than “we”, yet expect us to continue on the “we” path like before?
The impact of infidelity is like removing the wheels off the car and still expecting it to run normally
[This message edited by 20yrsagoBS at 3:23 PM, November 22nd (Friday)]
BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas
cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:19 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
I don't know. You probably need to ask them.
Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life
Wintergarden ( member #70268) posted at 1:42 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
It's true the We becomes I. In my case I was told he never planned on ending our M. The reality is he had already ended it, just forgot to tell me. I don't think I'm ever going to understand the thought process, but I guess I'm just giving up caring.
[This message edited by Wintergarden at 8:49 AM, November 22nd (Friday)]
landclark ( member #70659) posted at 2:25 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
At what point does the disconnect occur that enables them to change direction and choose the path of “I” rather than “we”, yet expect us to continue on the “we” path like before?
Do you mean in reconciliation? If so, I struggle with this as well. It seems like we're still expected to be the person we were before the infidelity which honestly is impossible, IMO.
The reality is he he had already ended it, just forgot to tell me.
This is how I feel. The moment he decided to cheat, our marriage as I knew it ended.
Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 TT through AugustOne child together, 3 stepchildrenTogether 13.5 years, married 12.5
First EA 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19. *ETA, contd an ea after dday for 2 yrs.
20yrsagoBS (original poster member #55272) posted at 9:23 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
Respondents,
I posted and was gone all day. I hoped to return and discover insight into how this marriage became derailed into adultery.
Instead you all echo my wonderment.
I’m sorry you can commiserate
BW, 54 WH 53 When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas
Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 10:24 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
I’m a WS; hopefully you don’t mind my response.
In my personal case, there was only very surface-level “we” from the beginning. Marriage was a concept I paid lip service to but never took as seriously as I ought to have in terms of “we”, a unit. I did not operate as “the two become one”; instead, I continued to operate as a “me” who happened to wear a wedding ring. From that mindset was a very short path to adultery.
Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again
Staying together for the kids
D-day 2010
Striver ( member #65819) posted at 11:45 PM on Friday, November 22nd, 2019
Because they are selfish and entitled.
BS are assuming quid pro quo. WS are temporarily or permanently narcissistic. Just because something is good for them does NOT mean you get to do the same. Because you are not them. Only they are them. Everyone else is inferior to their experience.
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