SurvivingInfidelity.com® > General

20yrsagoBS posted 11/22/2019 07:16 AM

So, going into the pre A relationship, we are supposed to believe this partner had our back, and will keep our best interests in mind when making decisions that affect us? Going forward, this is supposed to be the way it is, correct?

At what point does the disconnect occur that enables them to change direction and choose the path of “I” rather than “we”, yet expect us to continue on the “we” path like before?

The impact of infidelity is like removing the wheels off the car and still expecting it to run normally

[This message edited by 20yrsagoBS at 3:23 PM, November 22nd (Friday)]

cocoplus5nuts posted 11/22/2019 07:19 AM

I don't know. You probably need to ask them.

Wintergarden posted 11/22/2019 07:42 AM

It's true the We becomes I. In my case I was told he never planned on ending our M. The reality is he had already ended it, just forgot to tell me. I don't think I'm ever going to understand the thought process, but I guess I'm just giving up caring.

[This message edited by Wintergarden at 8:49 AM, November 22nd (Friday)]

landclark posted 11/22/2019 08:25 AM

At what point does the disconnect occur that enables them to change direction and choose the path of “I” rather than “we”, yet expect us to continue on the “we” path like before?

Do you mean in reconciliation? If so, I struggle with this as well. It seems like we're still expected to be the person we were before the infidelity which honestly is impossible, IMO.

The reality is he he had already ended it, just forgot to tell me.

This is how I feel. The moment he decided to cheat, our marriage as I knew it ended.

20yrsagoBS posted 11/22/2019 15:23 PM

Respondents,

I posted and was gone all day. I hoped to return and discover insight into how this marriage became derailed into adultery.

Instead you all echo my wonderment.

I’m sorry you can commiserate

Darkness Falls posted 11/22/2019 16:24 PM

I’m a WS; hopefully you don’t mind my response.

In my personal case, there was only very surface-level “we” from the beginning. Marriage was a concept I paid lip service to but never took as seriously as I ought to have in terms of “we”, a unit. I did not operate as “the two become one”; instead, I continued to operate as a “me” who happened to wear a wedding ring. From that mindset was a very short path to adultery.

Striver posted 11/22/2019 17:45 PM

Because they are selfish and entitled.

BS are assuming quid pro quo. WS are temporarily or permanently narcissistic. Just because something is good for them does NOT mean you get to do the same. Because you are not them. Only they are them. Everyone else is inferior to their experience.