SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Divorce/Separation

Gottagetthrough posted 12/7/2019 10:48 AM

Wh is “remorseful “ and denies an EA is going on, but agrees his texts to ow were inappropriate. I’m not in a position to leave now, but when I can I would like to have a post nuptial agreement that covers all bases so I can hit the ground running when I file.

I was going to ask for:

1- $1000 month lifetime alimony (we’ve been married almost 20 years and I worked to put him thru law school while I was in grad school, and got free tuition because I was a TA)

2- $1000 month child support

3- sign over the “good” car to me

4- sole legal and primary physical custody to me,with supervised visits, and I chose supervisor (I have a post nuptial agreement from 2011 that states this already, but I want it reiterated for my older kids and my baby added to it)

5- if we separate, leave the home when asked. He has until the end of the month or a certain number of days to get out

6-i can move without his agreement. I don’t have to stay in the county or state we are in (my family is 7 hours away, and I’d probably move to be closer to them)

7- $25,000 cash (what I came into marriage with / stocks I inherited shortly after marriage.)

What else? Keep me on insurance? Part of life insurance? Part of retirement?

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 10:50 AM, December 7th (Saturday)]

ibonnie posted 12/7/2019 11:05 AM

Is your postnup from 2011 not still vaid?

ibonnie posted 12/7/2019 11:12 AM

Also, what does your state calculator for spousal and/or child support say? $1,000/month for three kids seems low to me. My WH and I aren't rich by any means whatsoever, and I was legally guaranteed more than that with just two kids.

What does yur lawyer say about this?

Gottagetthrough posted 12/7/2019 11:42 AM

Post nup from 2011 is still valid

I chose $1000 as I got $500 in support for
Two kids a month in 2010. Attorney Will be able to tell
Me if those numbers are ok, they are guesses now.

Gottagetthrough posted 12/7/2019 12:00 PM

Wow, ibonnie! I just looked up guidelines in my state. You are right, $1000 is low for three kids!

landclark posted 12/7/2019 12:07 PM

I would definitely add something about coverage for medical insurance until kids are out of college. Also do you have a house to sell? If so something about that. Also life insurance, he needs to maintain x$ until kids are 18 (or whatever age you decide).

I personally wouldn’t take his retirement if he’s already paying you $1000 a month for life.

layla1234 posted 12/7/2019 12:35 PM

Can I ask what the ballpark is? WH put everything in and came up with 700/month for 3 kids. I too, thought that was low. The kids are on my health insurance so I'm not sure if that plays a factor. We are in the very beginning stages of separation, so I was just curious.

I have consulted a lawyer, but it was a year ago and I was still thinking I wanted to work on the marriage.

ibonnie posted 12/7/2019 13:05 PM

In NYS, child support for one kid is 17% of your income, 25% for two kids, and 29% for three kids.

secondtime posted 12/7/2019 13:19 PM

Does your state recognize legal separation? Why not just get legally separated now?

Have you considered just asking your husband to give up his parental rights to his kids? If he's not going to have much access to them anyway...that might be the simpler solution than what you are proposing.

The "usual" rule of thumb is 29% of income for three kids for child support. I'm assuming you all file joint returns, and you should have that info there.

You all are debt free except for the mortgage?

What does the child support include? Does that include Daycare? Kid activities? Braces? My first kid needed 7K worth of braces, got them on when he was 9/10.

I don't know your story.. Do you work? Do you need any additional schooling to help with your career? That to me would be another biggie.

Have you checked in with his insurance to make sure that you can stay on there if you are divorced?

[This message edited by secondtime at 1:20 PM, December 7th (Saturday)]

Gottagetthrough posted 12/7/2019 14:00 PM

I’ve been a SAHM for 15 years. Not sure about health insurance yet.

My Wh would never give away parental rights. I’ve heard him talk to a friend about this (friend had an ex who wanted him to give parental rights away.)

Layla1234- look up your state guidelines for child support. I bet it’s different for everyone. It depends on WH’s salary and number of kids.

My state guidelines say I should get around $1500 a month for three kids.

nekonamida posted 12/8/2019 15:35 PM

All I can say is good luck. I'll be shocked if he agrees to that and suspicious that he will have a way of getting out of it if he does. Custody in particular he has fought you tooth and nail over.

Have you thought about what might happen if he doesn't sign the post nup?

humantrampoline posted 12/9/2019 12:51 PM

I was advised that a valid post nup should not include anything about child custody or support. Maybe that's a state-by-state issue though.

Also if you lock in a dollar value to alimony rather than a percentage, you are discounting future inflation.