SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's the first thing that came to me to say for a title.

I'm not sure if I'm the weasel or if it's my wayward wife...or else maybe it's the realization that I'm done with being bullied and played and abused by her abandonments and slanderous lies and false victimization bullshit.

She's been gone since the day before Thanksgiving and last night I boxed up some of her wayward, disrespectful shit with the 2 out of 5 kids that are still here under this roof, and said I'm done with the constant lies and control and undermining and insulting and bullshitting lying abuse in general.

In one fashion or another, I have lost almost everyone that I've ever loved or cared for in my life either through death or betrayal, and that's what I usually get for Christmas or Father's Day or my birthday each year, so I guess I'm not spinning the little handle on the toy anymore while sitting there just waiting for the damn weasel to pop up and get in my face again.

This shit is getting really old, let me tell ya.

I could really use some support.

(I edited this to keep from scaring everyone off with all my stupid damn questions that I don't have a right to ask or know the answers to...)

I'm a slow learner, it seems...

[This message edited by Cephastion at 4:23 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]

Ceph, don't feel discouraged. It's because it's a Sunday night. I think it's great that you took this big step forward and I hope you follow it up with a lawyer consult. You deserve so much better.

I can't. We are so broke I couldn't buy my son an ice cream for $5.55, 3 nights ago.

But I didn't know it was even nearly as bad as that because my wife kept it from me until I found out at the cash register with my son the other night.

(((Cephastion)))

Is that because she's spending from the joint account or taking on debt?

Joint account.

We have no debt per se as people normally think of "debt", but that's because we don't do credit cards and stuff. Never have really.

thanks for responding to me and my plea here, btw.

I have been a lot worse off before even as recently as last night and the night before, but didn't want to get to that point again tonight.

Open a new bank account immediately and start depositing your paychecks into there. If she's not living in the marital home, not paying bills, and not taking care of the kids, why does she even need to take money away from the family? Don't close the account but don't keep giving her access to your money while you're the one who's still running the household.

I was fired from my job mostly for trying to comply with the law and with safety standards for tractor trailers.

My career is in construction/remodeling, but when I suffered a serious injury, I've struggled ever since.

From the winter of 2018/19 until now it's been hell on earth for me. Which is why I went so dark and quiet for SI (by my standards at least) for so long.

It's gotten worse and worse and now she's gone and I want her gone in a way.

Sad thing is, she is the one with the job at the moment because I got so damn depressed and was so traumatized by all the fucking ongoing betrayals, I just couldn't function.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 4:43 PM, December 15th (Sunday)]

I KNOW that that needs to change ASAP but all of this extra betrayal & bullying shit just kinda happened over Thanksgiving and keeps on going until now.

And we have a small farmette to run.

It's not as simple as one would wish.

and my kids are homeschooled, btw. They go to a co-op but still...

So sorry Ceph. Never a good time for things like this to happen, but it does make it harder when it’s during the holidays.

Can you provide more detail about what prompted her to leave? Did you catch her cheating again or fight about her past cheating, or something else?

She wants to bully the fuck out of me through lies and abandonment and control due to lies in her sick head about her being emotionally abused.

She thinks that if she can't have Poland (think entitled dictators in WWII) and everything else in the damn world that she wants that she feels entitled to have and to do or not do, then she's a victim of abuse and that means she can just go ahead and violate the terms and conditions of marriage and motherhood and faith and basically anything she feels like.

I’m sorry things are so tough right now. Like others have said, never a good time but the holidays make it worse.

It’s time to rethink it all. You need to protect yourself and start working toward a better future. I lost my job due to my inability to concentrate after D-Day, so I get it. But you need to figure that out.

Call around and see if there are any legal services available via a college or something. Or through the church.

I am sorry you are going through this. (((Hugs)))

Ceph, this is a crisis. Start with exactly things you yourself can change and worry about your WW later. If you can't handle the homeschooling and getting a new job, the kids to go public school. They will not be ruined. They will be fine. You can take them back out later if the situation changes. Having money in order to keep a roof over your head is FAR more important than homeschooling.

Similarly, same goes for the farmette. If you can't run it and get a job, it's time to downsize. Sell the animals. Bring it down to a size that you can manage while you have a full time job. It might even just be worth it to downsize to get some money that isn't dependent on your WW because you can't depend on her. The gravy train is about to crash and you desperately need a safe landing. She could cut you off tomorrow and there would not be a single thing you can do about it without lawyer involvement.

About lawyers - you can see one for a consult FOR FREE. There is literally no good reason why you cannot go get some advice immediately and whole load of bad reasons keeping you from doing it. You are vulnerable and dependent entirely on your WW right now. So are your kids. You must protect yourself as soon as possible. If the lawyer says there's nothing you can do, so be it but there is a CHANCE that you can get something going right away because you are not the first person in this situation and some times lawyers will include their fees in a ruling that the working spouse has to pay. DO NOT let fear and assumptions run the show on this one.

Google food pantries locally and start going to them. I don't think you qualify for benefits while still married but it could be an option in S/D if you struggle to find work due to your firing and gap in work history. Remember - YOU HAVE OPTIONS. You don't have to lie down and take it. But it will take a little work in order to use these resources.

As for your WW - 180 her. Not about kids and finances? Don't respond. Don't take her phone calls. Stick to text ONLY. You need a paper trail now that "abuse" has entered her vocabulary. That puts you into a uniquely vulnerable position as a man and you need to be on high alert for her using any dirty tricks to get you out of the marital home or limit your access to your kids. One false accusation, even one that is cleared because of a lack of evidence, can make or break a future D for you. You need to be very careful about putting yourself in any situation where your WW has the opportunity to lie or twist things into making you look abusive and violent.

You are not in an easy position by any means but you have two options. You can keep going as you are destined for disaster emotionally and financially or you can stand up and take some power and control back in your life one step at a time.

Oh geez, and she really screwed you over with the finances too.

Where is your head at...is this the end of your marriage now?

Sounds like maybe you do not want her back at all, but need her to come back to work out financials?

the guy that kinda fired me also betrayed me in front of my wife and 2 of my boys.

It was a horrible betrayal. It turns out that he had that same mentality as my wife and boys. Might makes right.

He didn't care that people's lives were literally in jeopardy with those trucks. He just wanted to make money and have his own damn way in spite of the law and all his lying promises to me and everyone else.

But I didn't realize how bad he really was until the time came to talk to my boys about their disrespect and slander and abandonment.

When it finally came time to do that, he just totally violated my trust and his own word and shamed the fucking shit out of me in front of them and my wife for the power trip of it all.

My wife refused to stand up for me because they are buddy-buddy and similarly entitlement minded.

A few weeks ago, I asked my wife to speak up against the nfucking, slanderous lies about me "disowning my sons" who ran away under much protest and my damn wife KNOWS IT and so does this lying asshole, too.

But she refused to do so. And actually has continually refused to do much of anything but let such lies run amok totally uncontested with every friend or church person we know.

Remarkably enough, my sons will readily admit that I have not hit or abused them, but they feel entitled to abandon the family and farm and slander the shit out of me much like their mother and grandmother did back in the early days of my marriage when she felt entitled to leave and let my grandpa die and go fuck other men while trainwrecking the home and money and my sanity.

I wanted the loving sweet version of my wife, but got a younger version of my lying cheating abandoning abusive mother-in-law instead.

I don't know where anything is at at this point other than that I'm tired of being lied to and lied ABOUT.

And she won't come over and help with the finances without a body guard or witnesses even though the children here and her all know that I have never hit her or even raised my hand or arm or threatened to in any way whatsoever.

She likes to pretend that she is a victim when I finally have had enough of her lies and bullying and I raise my voice in protest when she won't take "no" or "go" (give me some fucking space for a minute) for an answer.

Ceph, I know you've experienced more hurt and betrayal than most. I can hear the pain in your posts. But you have to pick and choose your battles right now. You can't afford to spend all of this energy fighting with your WW and sons because then you're too tired and too distracted to find and keep a job. You have to put that energy to getting your life back on track and then you can figure out what to do about them. You NEED to 180. You NEED to detach for your own sanity.