SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So this morning while wh and I had our coffee and I was doing SPF before he left for work he asked the oddest thing.

"What is d day."

Now I'm sick. Like I mean nose running stuffy sneezing and the cough that feels like a thousand knives in your chest and throat has finally hit. My ears are also completely blocked so I wasnt exactly sure if he asked "what is" or "when is".

I just replied with "day of discovery of an affair" and that's when he said "i meant when is ours" ...

WHEN IS OURS ...

Ok first off this isn't HIS dday. Its mine. He knew all along what the hell he was doing.

Second...today of all days he desides to ask this?!? Valentines day?

I told him that the date of the first dday was in my tagline and told him. Of course that's technically dday #2 with ow2 and the longer PA. I dont recall the actual date I discovered the emails between him and ow1 which was....physical without sex, more ea than pa I guess...then theres ows 3 & 4 but I dont have proof or details of those ones, just what he has told me. ANNNNND then theres the countless times I discovered his online personal ads or ads he had responded to. Hundreds of emails...

Actual timelines and specific details beyond what i dug up about him and ow2 is greatly lacking but so far out i just dont care anymore.

He had multiple affairs. Period.

Now I wasnt upset that he asked but I must have given him "the look" because he said he was sorry and didn't mean to upset me...

It's just such a strange thing to ask...

Why is he wondering??? What's going on with him?

Who knows why they ask/say anything when they do???

My WH a few days ago said something about the AP (they still work together). We are in IHC and honestly I am trying my hardest not to give a shit about what he does at work. I will be moving out this year so it really doesn't matter anyway. That being said, my WH said something about him being in a better place (with himself) since he stopped all the bullshit. I said something about how long it had been and that time brings perspective and his response/comment was:

Yeah, 6 months.? A year.? or something like that...

And then he kept talking about how he feels better with himself blah blah blah and honestly I have no idea what he said after that, because all I could think about was "this asshole doesn't know how long ago his A ended???"

I mean that was d-day 3 after all, so I guess it all blends together for him?!?!

You can think of it 1 of 2 ways: Either it was not that important to them OR you are not that important to them...or both. In my case, both seems the most likely.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 7:48 AM, February 14th (Friday)]

Yah -I'd have to ask where that was coming from.

Strange question out of the blue w/ no provocation.

I like that you directed him here to find it.

Dragn you are such a smartass. I love you.

Well I guess I should have asked why he was asking but I was in the middle of doing SPF ya know and that's very important hahaha

He was also about to go to work. Not the greatest time for a "serious talk".

I should have been more of a smart ass and asked

"Which one, seeing as you had so many affairs?" Lol

I know he has SI logged in and open in one of his browsers. Whether or not he reads here I dont know but I highly doubt it.

I do believe we both are harbouring some resentment and hurt from the meningitis hospital stay situation back on October. I know I am...he kinda made a half fast remark the other night so I assume hes upset about it too.

My ears have finally popped open again. I have the boys home today from school as both woke me up at 6am just as I had gotten back to sleep because they both threw up...

Mystery solved.

He was just texting me on his break so I asked why he asked.

He said he was wondering if that was what was bothering me the other day when I said I was upset and for him not to push the issue.

Usually if I say I'm upset he will bug me until I tell him why which just pisses me off more. Sometimes I just need space and deal with a trigger or something.

The other day I had checked his FB activity and saw that he liked and was following two more pages of half dressed woman...

Was difficult not to be upset after I had told him this wasnt acceptable to me and he had unfollowed a whole punch of pages like that only to follow again...

I had actually planned to look up and follow and like pages of male models and just flood my timeline with their photos so he could see and maybe get a taste of what it feels like to know your spouse prefers those people over you...but I never did it. Lol. Short memory span and I've been bombarded with other stuff to worry about.

He apologized and said he didn't mean to follow the pages....ya ok. Also said he only wants me... again ya ok. Actions over words right.

I went back in our texts to see when it was I told him I was upset. That was Tuesday. So hes had this on his mind all week.

Again that just seems weird for him. He doesnt usually seem to care how I feel.

I was doing SPF

I read this and initially thought - "What the hell is she doing putting sunscreen on during this time of year in Canada?"

Acronymville. I still get lost there sometimes.

He apologized and said he didn't mean to follow the pages....ya ok

And WHEN is his 14th birthday?

Jeez, Dragn; sometimes, I'm just friggin' speechless. You handled the whole thing very well. I don't know how you do it.

(((Dragn)))

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 9:41 AM, February 14th (Friday)]

Ok it may be -24°C here right now but the sun is shining. And I'm sure bouncing off all this snow these Ray's cant be good lol.

Sorry I was just to lazy and tired to type out Stupud Picture Friday lol. Wh knows that doing this is important to me so he always mentions it. Every other day he asks of I'm going to get up to have coffee with him. Friday he asks if I'm going to do SPF.

And WHEN is his 14th birthday?

ya I know. He tries to make himself look all innocent and ignorant of how things work when I know better and so does he! You dont just like a page by accident or actually Follow them without it being a conscious effort...duh!

It's just out of character for him to have my feelings on his mind for days before he asks me what's up. That's what makes this so weird for me.

Forgive me, but despite researching extensively for the slang meaning of 'SPF', I am still trying to understand what you meant by that. I assume you weren't slathering on the sunscreen.

Yeah, him bring up D-Day on V-Day is pretty insensitive. I'm not sure why he's claiming it as a day for both of you unless he's marking it as the occasion when his head finally emerged from his hole like a groundhog. But that doesn't sound like the case here.

Forgive me, but despite researching extensively for the slang meaning of 'SPF', I am still trying to understand what you meant by that. I assume you weren't slathering on the sunscreen

SPF = stupid picture Friday

Down in Fun and Games forum. Every friday a bunch of us post pictures. Or funny memes..

I always post pictures when I get up with wh at 3:30/4am.

Edited to add....that I am kinda obsessed with being the first to post on stupid picture Friday lol. I have actually waited until midnight to post lol. Yes I'm weird.

[This message edited by DragnHeart at 11:22 AM, February 14th (Friday)]

Yeah, him bring up D-Day on V-Day is pretty insensitive. I'm not sure why he's claiming it as a day for both of you unless he's marking it as the occasion when his head finally emerged from his hole like a groundhog. But that doesn't sound like the case here.

Oh no his head is still pretty far up his ass lol. Even now.

That was just the big Dday. It was February 2011 sometime that I found out the affair hadn't stopped. I cant remember exact days anymore. It's just one big blur of crapiness...

I'm.unsure if his asking why i was upset in this way shows hes concerned about my feelings or was worried something else was up that was bothering me. Like I said its unusual for him to ask how I am feeling...

Lol, I’m in Canada amd put on sunscreen every day lol. It didn’t phase me a bit when I read that and then had a shock when I realized she WASN’T putting on sunscreen

Theres no sun at 4am. At least not yet lol

I'm sorry I assumed everyone knew about SPF and Stupud Picture Friday... maybe I need to do a post in general inviting everyone down to Fun & Games.

I heard a noise outside. Looked out my window and the sun was glaring off the snow making it hard to see. What I managed to make out was my Turkey Tom laying in the run in the snow.

I panicked, put on my boots and ran outside..damn bird was sunbathing....in -24°c weather. Sheesh. I thought he was dead.

Should I edit the my first post here to change SPF to Stupid Pictire Friday?

I wanted to add that wh has been different since the meningitis. I'm not exactly sure how to articulate HOW habit different but he just is.

Of course he can still be his normal asshole self with regards to his type of humor and the appearance of not caring. I dont think that will ever change.

Hes. Not into showing affection and days like today Valentine's comes and goes without a thought. He did find me something I really wanted and have been searching for and did say that it's my Valentine's gift but for me gifts arent my thing. A nice note, email or expression of his feelings for me would have been what I wanted. And yes I have told him this. It's just not how he shows he cares.... so I'm unsure if him asking me about the upset is him trying to show he cares more than just "oh shes in a mood leave her alone" thing.

You should get a copy of the five love languages and give it to him. Circle your primary and secondary languages.

Yes we need to review the love languages again.

But....is it ok to have the expectation that they do your love language when its maybe out of their comfort zone.

For example of I was to tell him gifts is my language and he has anxiety going out in crowds and stores am I wrong to ask him to do that?

He hates going out shopping, hates it. He will go but hes always itching to go home. He knows that I wanted a sloth stuffy and was ok with ME getting it but wouldn't think to get it himself.

In all honesty he found me a water monitor and that's HUGE. Yes i arranged to pick him up and got the enclosure ready but wh found it and they are damn hard to find.

Wh also has always been shitty communicating feelings. Why write me a note that says I love you when he can just say it to my face.

I dont think ita gifts or notes but effort I'm looking for. Just effort towards me like he did with his ow's.

Wow what an insensitive question to ask, and especially while sick AND Valentine's Day. Jus...wow.

Why would he bring up the A (D-Day) on Valentine's Day? Ugh

They really do not use their brains do they?

Valentines day is just another day in the year for him. I don't think he meant it to be mean.

Whatever was on my mind that I asked him to leave me alone about must have been eating away at him.

Note our anniversary is coming up. Pretty sure if I dont say anthing he wont even notice...lol