As a BS, I feel like such a dang fool. How do you trust yourself again
First I’m sorry you are here but you will receive great advice and support.
You ask some great questions - ones we have all thought about and wrestled with from time to time.
I am 7 years past Dday. My response to your question is at first I felt like a fool. This was his second affair. The first was a 4 year EA that he denied and was completely rugswept.
My reward for being a loving wife? A second affair that led him to want a D.
How could I have been soooooo stupid???
I’m not! The cheater is. The cheater is the broken person with the idea that an affair will solve their problems.
I suggested counseling for us during my H’s affair. He refused - because he was still cheating (false reconciliation). I went and got stronger and worked on myself. I addressed my issues and shortcomings.
If your cheating spouse is unhappy - and marriages do fail - they have the opportunity to be respectful and decent. I told my H I’m not an idiot and that people fall out of love and if he ever had the feeling that he wanted out or was unhappy or whatever - please do not cheat. Man up. Say it. Be honest. Because I will still have respect for you.
I said it one month before I learned of his last affair. Coward!
In your case — he chose to be a coward and cheat.
You are not a fool. The cheater is. It just takes time to realize it.
[This message edited by The1stWife at 6:09 AM, April 25th (Saturday)]