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Hi all! STBX has been out of the house since November, I filed for divorce in in February. We had a hearing to set temporary orders back in March, but he no showed and threw a man sized tantrum that involved the police having to be called. We set another date for the temp orders, but he played nice and did everything I was asking for in the agreement so we cancelled the hearing because we were so close to reaching an agreement. Once the hearing was cancelled, he promptly turned into his usual self and started demanding more and more changes to our written agreement.

In the original agreement, I had wanted to move out of the house and sell and we would split the equity 50/50. I don't LOVE the house but I changed my mind after the pandemic started. I can't find reliable childcare and am having many issues at work with my clients, and add on top of that working from home with the kids has me pulling my hair out some days! I don't want to move right now, houses are selling in less than a day and I cannot handle the stress. I have no cash on hand, so I would have to sell this house first to get a down payment on a new house. Also, the house is starting to grow on me. I've been making little changes here and there and can see a future for me and the kids there. The kids would like to stay there as well.

Any way, thanks if you took the time to read all of the background. STBX is saying he will absolutely not let me stay in the house. His work history is terrible and he's had a repossession in the past year so I don't think he could get a loan. I've been living here since November and paid the mortgage every month, he's not paid child support or household expenses at all. He says he will agree to everything in the agreement if I get out of the house and we sell. He is convinced we can sell for 25K more than the appraisal came back at.

I am debating on selling, just because he texts me he hates me at least 4 or 5 times a day and I can't stand being in limbo anymore. I want to be settled, I want to plant a garden, or buy new artwork, etc. I hate not knowing if I'm staying or moving. I would not be surprised if I agreed to sell the house and he found another reason to change the agreement after that. I'm just trying to stay out of mediation, we really have no assets or anything to fight over or a lot of things we're fighting over. My lawyer has advised that we should revise the agreement one more time and if he won't sign, then move to mediation. I don't want to because my retainer is gone. For those who have been through it- would you stay and risk spending a bunch of money on legal fees or just move and get it over with? I really wish he could just be happy I am taking good care of the kids and they get to stay comfortable in their house, with the same school and friends! I hate that they only reason we moved was because I let him bully me!

[This message edited by Planetx at 8:30 PM, May 19th (Tuesday)]

You need to block him.

he texts me he hates me at least 4 or 5 times a day

You need to get those orders done , one way or another. If you don't everything that is playing out now, will continue until you do.

Have the hearing and ask for the house. Show that you've been paying for it since November, without any assistance. Also, why not ask for him to pay your attorney fees? After all the original hearing never happened because he didn't show up?

If you want the house, ask for it? What is the worst that can happen? The court saying it has to be sold?

If you stayed would you have the money to buy him out? I’m trying to stay in my home but we are asking for, and my wh is agreeing to, delaying his equity pay out until I sell the house.

Unless he is willing to do that or you have the ability to refinance and take cash out to pay him off then you will have to sell.

If you go to court and he wants to sell and the don’t then almost always a judge would make you sell and split then equity so I wouldn’t waste money trying to fight that in court.

Thank you for the replies.

I could ask for lawyer's fees but it's not likely he would be able to pay. He doesn't make very much. I have lots of documentation of him not agreeing on many issues, so I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to ask but I would be surprised if I ever see any of that money back.

I absolutely need to block him, I know! I am hoping that when childcare is available again I will not need to speak to him anymore.

I can afford the home on my own. I can pay him his half of the equity and still have 20% down on the new mortgage. I feel like it's a good choice financially, my current home is 2100 square feet and for the same amount of money houses are around 1400 square feet. I got approved at 3% interest, rates are really low right now!

The trick will be getting him to agree to the value of his half of the equity based on the actual appraisal, not his inflated opinion of what it's worth. And that is a valid argument a judge would likely go for. If you can buy him out based on that value, I would fight for it if that's what you want.

It sounds like he is desperate for money, so dangling some cash in front of him now with a valid argument for the amount might sway him. Also toss in reduction of equity due to closing costs, realtor commission, etc. and his half can be potentially decreased more so cash now may be more appealing.

I fought to stay in the marital home and Xhole tried to inflate the value by about $20k over what an appraisal valued it at. Long story short, I got the house at appraised value because I dangled other things of value in front of him and he agreed.

I don't have any wisdom to share on this but just wanted to say that it makes me so sad and angry that a father cares more about his own stupid ego than the well-being and happiness of his children. I shouldn't be surprised, but always am when I read stories like this.

Keep the house. If you're able to afford it on your own and pay him off for his half of the equity, I just can't imagine a judge saying you'd have to sell.

Good luck!!

Spell it out for him.

Get a realtor to give you an estimate of what you might accomplish in the market, along with comps showing similar properties.

Take that sales price and subtract the realtor's commission and any other costs (repairs, painting, etc.) that would need to come out of the equity. His equity number would likely be lower, and you would have to wait to pay him until everything was closed.

On the other hand, you could give him an immediate payout and refinance NOW. His name gets off the mortgage and deed so he would be free and clear to buy another property (doubtful if he would qualify, but we're talking pushing the Kool-Aid here, not realistic things).

If he agrees, have your attorney draw up the paperwork IRON CLAD. NO LOOPHOLES--he quit-claims the home to you in exchange for X amount. Make it so he can't come back for anything. This way, mediation or a temp orders ONLY deals with child support since you've dealt with most of the assets already. Make sure ANYTHING he signs indicates that he cannot go back on this agreement.

I think dangling a wad of cash in front of him makes a LOT of sense.

Cat

Unless you love the house, sell it and find something you really like. And it will be yours from the very beginning.

I forced WH and Lawyer to file for D at his cost since he ended our Marriage.

Further had WH and Lawyer draft Financial Settlement Again at his cost. Every amendment will cost him in Legal Fees. WH hates parting with money.

The first Draft was a doozy. I will make subtle changes but the way it was written, I will be advantaged more or less 60% but I WILL all my ASSETS, current and future to our CHILDREN and our children only.

I could go for 50% of MILs house as I contributed substantially to this, but as long as this is left for our children, her only grandchildren, I will leave this out. WH can deal with her WILL.

Don't allow him to force anything on you!

The appraisal is the appraisal. If he doesn't like it, he can get another. Point is, he can't force you to move just bc he wants to.

Also, you need to prove to the judge you've been paying all the bill and support. That should be money owed back to you. If he sees all that he owes, it will diminish the amount owed to him as the split on the house. i'd put a hearing back on the docket and let the law deal with him. Sometimes, its the only way with these people.