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Well heck I wanted motivation, be careful for what you ask for!! So the OW came into town YESTERDAY, they went out and went to a bar. ( haven’t seen each other since high school stated talking 2 weeks ago) I woke up at 2:30am and decided enough was enough. Went to his brothers house, no STBXWH. Drove around to all the hotels in our town and found his truck front and center. Found her Idaho (da’ho lol) plates three spots down. Took video at 3:30am of both vehicles and again at 5:44am, knowing he gets up at 6. Raced home and asked him how his night was, he said he could not sleep and was up all night ON THE COUCH at his brothers . Taped that. Saved it. Gave it to BH.

Went to my bank where he has his checks deposited and withdrew the amount I always do on payday. Pulled the rest out into a money order, took it to his work, and made him and his co-worker sign that I gave it to him. Said very loudly as I was leaving, “shouldn’t have spent all night in a hotel with a married woman.”

Talked to BH, He had no idea. Several conversations with him and the last one he said STBXWH admitted it!!! Of course OW is still lying to BH! Then OW and STBXWH convinced BH it was his fault. Tried sharing they had options and didn’t have to cheat. Also reminded him I TOLD BH to watch out that this was his pattern, that they were gonna cheat. And that she was making moves. He told me then he totally trusted her. He then said, “ boy do I feel like an ass” snd that his whole life was destroyed. I agreed

Went to call OW, ended up w Her ex husband number 2. (1st and 3rd husband the same person). Shared with him and come to find out, OW has been stringing along #2 and he was also devastated!! She’s been telling #2 she’s only with 1/3 for the insurance, that she considers #2 her real husband!! He said she was texting him one month after OW married #1 for the second time. WHEW!!!! He is seriously hurt!!

So OW’s triangle is now exposed to STBXWH..... and they to him. the surrogate child she’s having in 3 months with #1/3 is biologically both of theirs. She’s 45 with an infant. Got into it with her and she tells me that I’m a controlling nasty assed word (snd then some) and she’s glad she got her friend STBXWH of “27 years” away from me. Yah...... you’ve been talking 2 weeks in the last 27 years. And if she would PLEASE get him away from me!

Best revenge ever.... he ends up with her! He has a 12 an hour job, no insurance, no benefits, no retirement... can’t handle money as I’ve always handle the bills.... snd his extra money he buys beer and pot!!! Can’t get him to do anything during the week so having a new born is gonna eat into that AND she’s had 13 back surgeries so you know the primary responsibility will land on him!!!

Either way I win!! She gets him or he’s alone.., Win win!! Totally worth it for all the tears I’ve cried in the last 2 weeks, giving in on things for the divorce

Ready to move on with a vengeance

[This message edited by Hurtingnconfused at 12:51 PM, June 2nd (Tuesday)]

Holy shit...dayyyyum! That's some Jerry Springer shit right there!

So he's sleeping with a pregnant woman and she with him (and god knows who else)...that poor child. I hope that her BS goes for full custody.

Anywho, good on you for finding all of this out and for exposing to the heavens!

she’s had 13 back surgeries

I'm not surprised - being on your back 95% of the time can do damage.

Lol no.... she’s not pregnant, her BH spent 100,000+ on a surrogate, due in 3 months

Lol no.... she’s not pregnant, her BH spent 100,000+ on a surrogate, due in 3 months

Wow. Still Jerry Springer and I still hope he goes for full custody.

She gets him or he’s alone.., Win win!!

Going by your last post, she discovered that your WH did not have a career that would benefit her financially. Hence why he was trying to love bomb you before you caught him at the hotel. Yet she was willing to get together with him and he fell for it hook, line and sinker! And OBS knows everything.

I know it hurts, but you were given solid evidence, something that's pretty rare in the infidelity world. Now you can move on with your head held high.

Is he out of the house yet? If not, what are next steps?

Wow, just wow!

I’m glad this has all blown up. It is amazing how f’d up people are. Who goes through this much effort just to f*ck w/ people?? Oh yea, my STBXH does...

I’m so glad that you’ve gotten all the evidence and told everyone involved what was happening.

Who is looking out for the baby?

How does that OW justify any of this in her head.

What an absolute nightmare to bring a baby into 🙏🏼

That Karma Bus is a double decker...

That Karma Bus is a double decker...

I like that one!

UPDATE!! yes I am enjoying the wave of endorphins

So when I gave him his check at work, in front of his peers, I told him that he had 24 hours to get what he wanted out. He then "asked" what he could take.

He also said that he just wants to walk away from the house and not do anything to work on it, sell it, nothing. We tore the house apart as it is an old victorian with good bones, hard wood floors, crown molding, the works.... but it is torn up. Called a contractor and he told me if he took it right now, as is, we would end up with 3 thousand. My Home Depot bill is 3 thousand as I just bought all new appliances last month!! I havent even used the new oven yet. Got two other contractors to walk through and they will also give me a bid. I had a Realtor go through and tell me if I did all the floors, all the painting, cleaning, and basic cosmetic, I could walk away with 30 thousand minus what I put in to fix it and the roof, so possibly 15-20 thousand.

He tells me today he thinks he should not be responsible for half the home depot bill (lots of tools charged to it over the last ten years... think I ended up with them?) He asked for and got the boat, canoe, truck, motorcycle, camper, and possibly one other truck. I told him on paperwork he is getting 20-25 thousand in assets right now and I am showing 0. I told him that I will attach all the Blue Book values for the items he took to show the discrepancies and have him pay me through the nose. He said they were not worth that much and I replied, it is what it is VALUED at and I have the print off of the blue book value.... The crappy camper is valued at 7,000!! that is if he put the work in and someone was nostalgic. So, he decided that he was ok with it for now. I am sure she is in his ear telling him what to say as he is not smart enough to figure things out. I’m sure he hasn’t figured out that he’s also getting the remainder of the loan on camper/canoe and half of last months utilities and I think I’m gonna ask for half of the third personal vehicle.

He is a lot quieter today. Think that she is busy with her own issues, even though she is here and they are in Idaho. Or not, guess I dont care enough to be concerned.

His DS18 asked if he could stay with me and pay me 250 a month until he finds something, him and his friend will pay 250 too. LOL.... yah, I get to live in my house for about 200 dollars and utilities without the issues. And I get to sleep with my dog! Guess I’m gonna learn how to be a general contractor.

Oh #3 states he is reeling and does not have much to say. #2 said that he n #3 had to talk about what they’re gonna do and discuss their house. Not sure what that means? Guess I don’t care? Such a freeing feeling. He said he’d call me down the road and let me know how it went. Told him he could but I’m not calling again.

The last text response was pretty much “ok” as I reminded him I can access the military legal team for free. Roller coaster of highs, a few single moments of “how do I fix this”, and evil thoughts of revenge that I’d never do but makes me feel good for a second. He’s a driver and does pot every night. She’s a nurse and most places have a morality clause. Yah I think it but at this point, walk away n heal

[This message edited by Hurtingnconfused at 2:49 PM, June 3rd (Wednesday)]

Have you consulted with an attorney to ensure that you're getting everything you deserve? Best to have everything outlined legally/on paper. He's being "good" now, but that could change on a dime and if you don't have your legal ducks lined up, it could turn out badly for you.

You're doing great; keep on keeping on! (((HUGS)))

What a mind f*&k experience. I am so sorry you had such a POS for a husband.

One day at a time

Buffer

Thought I was fine..... thought I was going to be ok in the divorce.... added up all my bills and I’m 1000 in the hole before I even start. Because we tore the house up, I MIGHT walk away w 3 thousand but if I’m in the hole, bawling right now

BH totally believes WH slept on the couch in the hotel room. How stupid can you get?

BEEP BEEP!!!!!

So she’s, OW, at the bar w WH and his DD21. Of course DD21 is talking how nice OW is and glad they could hang out. Ugh

Then co worker said she saw OW from 5 years ago in the park with itty bitty shorts on. Some days!

Had a mental breakdown at work, rallied, went home and started listing things to go out the door. Moved a few things already and thinking clearing this stuff out allows me to clean n organize

You need to protect yourself. See an attorney asap. Learn your rights. Knowledge is power. He can ask for 1/2 the money for the house after you have fixed it up. Keep all receipts and document your hours. You can deduct these costs from his half. Whatever else you give him should be appraised so that you have documentation for the Court. If he is asking about the house, he is most likely looking for $$$.

You should be able to deduct half of the improvement expenses since those were his half. Your labor is often not something you can get reimbursed for. An attorney will know the details in your state/situation.

Meeting with an attorney on Thursday. Everyone says he is responsible for half the upkeep until it is sold. I will keep records.

Have lots of people coming for a painting party next week. I sold everything that was not nailed down today and more to go tomorrow. I have "blue book value" of everything he asked for and attached it to the form. It is quite impressive!

I also told him he owes me for his truck payment, insurance on it, and the payment for the boat/camper as well as half the Home Depot bill up to June 1st. As it has my brand new dishwasher, stove and rumba on it, he has to pay for those! All the things I was getting for our new life together sans kids. He is going to be giving me a chunk of his check every week. He is not used to budgeting so it will be interesting fast.

I am throwing him off. Cried in hysterics yesterday and pretty much told him off for throwing our relationship under the bus for a cheap fling. That was after I thought I would be in the hole 1000 dollars before the month even started. Once I learned he had to pay half.... yah, smile back on my face.

Realized that I have always put my "stuff" on hold for the men in my life. Last husband I put off my bachelors for 2 years and never went back for my masters because he was dying. He held out for 7 more years.... could have gotten it done. For current WH, we would get "toys" to spend time together instead of stuff I wanted to do, Yah, he gets all the toys in this. I am really ok with that. I over spend every Xmas on his kids and him because they lived in the house with me, if I saw something I would buy it all year long and put it in my closet. No stocking this year!! All this money not being spent on "toys" and not on his kids, I will have enough to travel. I want to go to Manchu Picchu and have decided I am going next year on the anniversary of my divorce, even if I have to go on my own!! I imagine that will be quite liberating!

We bought petal bikes to spend time together as well. I thought about selling mine but decided I always wanted to learn how to ride one. I always had horses so never learned. Im gonna learn and again, how liberating! He asked about the bike and I said I was going to learn anyway. He was very quiet.

Asked him if he wanted me to send him his old resume and letter of interest because "Im (WH) better than a delivery driver." Did a professional job for him trying to get him to do this for years! That threw him too. I like keeping him off balance, it makes me happy!! The more he is complacent, the less he knows what I am up to!

Happy today, Imagining the possibilities and knowing OW is going back to Idaho means he will have to sit in his brother's apartment with no female for entertainment. Guess she can call him but thinking even if OS believes her-and he does, he is not going to be as accommodating with the phone calls.

so.... tipped the bus driver well....

OHHHHH I also had the IT people at my job change all my (non-legal) stuff to my maiden name. Have always hated his last name but he insisted. Seeing my email pop up with my original name has made me smile all day. Threw away my name tag too!

From Tuesday morning to Friday Afternoon--- paperwork done other than consulting with lawyer, house emptied and most of it sold off, three different contractors walked through for bids, three realtors, and a painting party set up!! Counseling to start Monday. Have a place to stay rent free while having to pay half on our place.... did I miss anything???

OHHH ANDDDD got a huge bonus at work for working through Covid, and I was supposed to get a "injured" check from work for an accident I had in Nov 2018. It was held up and held up and held up, Should get a chunk after the divorce as well. what a difference 24 hours makes

Taking action, even small steps is so positive. Good for you. Keep it up. There s a momentum building for a positive future. Keeping him off balance is an indirect benefit. But a good one!😁. You are doing very well.

Having a garage sale to get rid of anything I’m not taking to AZ. My STBXWH 1st wife comes over to shop. We are on good terms NOW after 12 years. She and I talked about how he told me while living w her “he was just sleeping on the couch” and only living with his ex wife for the kids. He i”appears to be very about his kids” on the surface so I bought it, He was divorced, I “duh” believed him. Asked her about it, she laughed and said “of course not!! We were planning on getting remarried!!” I apologized and she stated she’s glad now as I helped her raise his kids the last 12 years and she got away from him. Looking at it as a good thing and I’m “getting away from him”

Having a garage sale to get rid of anything I’m not taking to AZ. My STBXWH 1st wife comes over to shop. We are on good terms NOW after 12 years. She and I talked about how he told me while living w her “he was just sleeping on the couch” and only living with his ex wife for the kids. He i”appears to be very about his kids” on the surface so I bought it, He was divorced, I “duh” believed him. Asked her about it, she laughed and said “of course not!! We were planning on getting remarried!!” I apologized and she stated she’s glad now as I helped her raise his kids the last 12 years and she got away from him. Looking at it as a good thing and I’m “getting away from him”

I think I’m selling the house to a flipper, Should be packed out this time next week. On to new adventures