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Update to Christmas Eve D-Day

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The1stWife posted 7/4/2020 14:28 PM

All I can say is that I have not read of any cheating spouse asking the.betrayed spouse about the AP.

I think a small part of common sense would scream DONíT DO IT! and the cheater would think twice about asking that question.

Iím sure she was once a wonderful intelligent person and a good wife. However the A has warped her brain cells. Clearly this is not the person you married.

And so many people here at SI sill chime in how their spouse became unrecognizable during the Affair. Me included.

If my H tried that I would have said ďare you kidding me?Ē With a few choice words for added emphasis.

Then again laughing at her was so good but Iím sure she does not understand why you laughed.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 2:31 PM, July 4th (Saturday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/4/2020 14:46 PM

I still can't believe that she did that and would actually think that I care. You're right, she is so far in the fog that she can't think straight. Hate to see the amount of oxytocin that is going through her brain right now.

Was absolutely FLOORED when she asked me!!!

The1stWife posted 7/4/2020 15:15 PM

You just have to laughter it off.

My H planned to D me during his Affair. And he truly believed ALL his friends would accept the OW.

Except I can tell you the wives sound not have accepted her. She was 20 years younger, covered in tattoos and a real drama queen.

My H admitted he was not thinking clearly on that one.

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/4/2020 15:42 PM

You just have to laughter it off.

This is exactly what I am doing and get a good chuckle out of it every time. Will definitely remember this one when the crazy ex stories come up invariably.

Newlifeisgreat posted 7/4/2020 16:14 PM

When is everything filed?

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/4/2020 16:47 PM

When is everything filed?

Have to check with the attorney this week. Last message I got from him was that he was working on the draft agreement and needed other paperwork which I provided.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 8:17 AM, July 5th (Sunday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/6/2020 06:17 AM

Sent off correspondence to my attorney to see where we stand in the mix of things right now. Just want this to end but I know it's a process.

As for me, this weekend was quiet without WW around since she is playing house with the POSOM in GA. Was able to do what I wanted to do. Still have waves of profound sadness coming through every once and a while but try to stay busy or occupy my time with something else. The sadness and hurt comes through when I'm laying there by myself at night and the silence comes. It's absolutely not fair!! Even though it's been six months since the first DDay the pain is always right below the surface. The NC and 180 are working and I know in my heart of hearts that I am doing the right thing by excising cancer which is WW.

Sorry to vent but feeling melancholy and lonely.

Buffer posted 7/6/2020 06:30 AM

Brother that is totally acceptable. You have been through shit treated very poorly by STBX, vent, that is what you need. Just remember try to laugh once a day, you will get through this.
Remember you will be better off, you donít need her ass in you life. She pushed you and her children away for some one who well you know who.
Buffer

Lalagirl posted 7/6/2020 09:02 AM

Stupid rollercoaster from hell! Don't worry - this will get smoother with time. Let yourself grieve the loss of the M.

With her calling me yesterday

Do you not have Caller ID at work? If you know it's her - don't answer. NC = no new hurts.

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/6/2020 09:18 AM

Do you not have Caller ID at work? If you know it's her - don't answer. NC = no new hurts.

WW called me on my mobile phone. I knew that I shouldn't have answered but never know if its about finances or the kids. She has been blocked on social media.

On another note, DD16 wants to go down to the beach before school but that is where WW went to consummate her A. Nothing but a huge trigger and the sad part is that's where I grew up. Think that is what has the rollercoaster going right now.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 9:19 AM, July 6th (Monday)]

Bigger posted 7/6/2020 09:45 AM

HeartbrokeninNC

Go to the beach with your kids. Make a day out. Reclaim your spot.
Take some time aside to look at the sand, look to the ocean and tell your triggers to f@ck off. This is YOURS and you are reclaiming it.

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/6/2020 10:41 AM

Take some time aside to look at the sand, look to the ocean and tell your triggers to f@ck off. This is YOURS and you are reclaiming it.

Thank you so much for putting it into perspective, Bigger!! This is the first holiday since the Christmas DDay and it's hitting home again. F@cking selfish ass dipsh#t WW!!!!

Tigersrule77 posted 7/6/2020 10:46 AM

Bigger suggestion is very good. What you are dealing with is traumatic. One of the best ways to heal, IMO, is to take back control of your life. You are doing that with your attorney. Try to do the same with your emotions. You will find that the A is something that happened to you, but it is now in your past, and it doesn't determine who you are. You are stronger and you will get past it. You control your life.

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/6/2020 11:30 AM

Thank you, Tigersrule77. I'm not letting the A define me as I've come to realize that it's nothing about me but about WW coming to terms with her addictions and demons. That revelation has come to me in the past two weeks as STBXWW has a history of running from her problems. Emotionally, it is very draining trying to stay strong for everyone. It's one of those things where it is one step forward and two steps back at times.

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/7/2020 08:51 AM

WW ended up coming home from GA yesterday afternoon which ended a peaceful four and a half days. Let her know to never call me about issues with the AP ever again and that he is so far below me he might as well be living underground. Traded some low blows both ways which I knew I shouldn't have. Basically, told her to GTFO but in her feeble mind, she thinks that she can stay there because she is married on paper. It's funny, she uses the M when it is convenient for her :thinking:. WW thinks the separation starts when she leaves but in all actuality, it's when she is served. Also gave her the number for my attorney and she can contact him.

Practicing the 180 and NC but have lapses every once and a while when it comes to dealing with the WW. Every time she comes back it's another trauma and twist of the knives.

I want to heal and get away from this infidelity but it keeps coming back like a sick joke!!!!

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 9:00 AM, July 7th (Tuesday)]

goalong posted 7/7/2020 09:23 AM

in her feeble mind

Or may be vindictive , uncaring and/or narcissistic mind.
Tell her that her coming back and forth affecting your recovery and if she has the least concern as a human being stop doing that.
May be she wants to keep the feeling that a part of the marriage is still intact because that is what the cheaters want. It is all about themselves

thatbpguy posted 7/7/2020 10:21 AM

Basically, told her to GTFO but in her feeble mind, she thinks that she can stay there because she is married on paper.

True dat, but come tomorrow and the new lease you can kick her out- married or not.

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/7/2020 10:53 AM

Or may be vindictive , uncaring and/or narcissistic mind.

It is all the above and she does not care. In her mind, she is not the selfish one but I. Typical blame-shifting wayward.

Tell her that her coming back and forth affecting your recovery and if she has the least concern as a human being stop doing that.

She does not care and carries on like we are still a happily married couple. Dropped the bomb on her last night by giving her my attorney's name that I'm serious about getting away from her infidelity one way or another.

Maybe she wants to keep the feeling that a part of the marriage is still intact because that is what the cheaters want. It is all about themselves

Typical narcissistic behavior.

*Update*
On another note, attorney just emailed me and stated that I should be getting the draft agreement tomorrow.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 11:17 AM, July 7th (Tuesday)]

HarryD posted 7/7/2020 11:27 AM

Is WW paying for the fun with POSOM ? Is she paying for hotels, food going out ? POSOM finally put it together that WW has to find another job if moving to GA. And may not be able to keep him in money like she doing now . That the fun maybe over for him.

POSOM is not taking WW in with him. Or else she would of moved maybe now. Something is going on. Not your problem.

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/7/2020 11:47 AM

Is WW paying for the fun with POSOM? Is she paying for hotels, food going out? POSOM finally put it together that WW has to find another job if moving to GA. And may not be able to keep him in money like she doing now. That the fun maybe over for him.
POSOM is not taking WW in with him. Or else she would of moved maybe now. Something is going on. Not your problem.

She was paying for everything out of the joint account until I stopped my checks going there.
WW dropped off about 20% of her clothes at his place along with about half of her makeup
(she likes to hoard this like gold) this past weekend. She stated that he has given her half of his closet space along with dressers. As for work, she is putting in her resignation shortly.

WW will do anything to make this work because she doesn't want to give me the satisfaction of laughing in her face when this all goes south. The point of no return has been passed.

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