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Update to Christmas Eve D-Day

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heartbrokeninNC posted 7/11/2020 21:52 PM

Strength now, she well charge at you when cornered.

Keeping strong here and I was really surprised she didn't fight me. VAR is on at all times.

Doesn’t it feel great now that you have done it???

It Feels Great!!!! The interesting part is that I all I feel is indifference. It's time to move on to better things and hopefully with a woman that will love me.

WW didn't think I was going to do it even though she knew it was coming. The paperwork just confirmed to her that it is indeed over with.

In her mind, this is all your doing. Everything would be fine if you just accepted this one thing she wants.

What she did was unforgivable and unacceptable. I could never share my M with a third party.......ever!!!

And on top of that, you are trying to take away her 16 year old baby!

DD16 could care less about her mother right now. It will take a miracle and soul searching from WW to mend the relationship but she's oblivious of the damage. Very selfish!!


Newlifeisgreat posted 7/12/2020 00:54 AM

You are doing great!

Now, go and work on you “Happily ever after”!

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/13/2020 05:56 AM

You are doing great!
Now, go and work on you “Happily ever after”!

Thanks, Newlifeisgreat. Been working on myself since DDay and feel a hell of a lot better. WW is still getting her things together and stated to me that the 30 day notice for her work is going in today :fingers-crossed:.

Bigger posted 7/13/2020 06:15 AM

Usually divorce disputes are about things that aren’t realistic…
An experienced attorney told me that once they have all the facts on the table, they can foresee with remarkable accuracy how the divorce will end. What the final settlement will be. That usually the stumbling-stones are issues that lean heavily towards one spouse, like a demand to get all the assets, the house, the cars and… sole custody.

At your son’s age of 16 sole custody isn’t really the big issue IMHO. What HE wants will weigh heavily on the court’s decision and based on what you share it sounds like he will want to be with you. IMHO PRIME CUSTODY is the big issue here. That determines where his legal address will be, schooling district, where he spends most of his time AND who is more likely to pay child support.

At 16 then even if a settlement says your wife can have son over every third week then if you have prime custody then school commitments prevent that during school-periods. If it’s holidays then at his age he can refuse to go – as long as you don’t encourage him to refuse or make him refuse.
If your then ex wife took you to court because he refuses to spend Christmas with her then the determining factors will be 90% what he wants and 10% if you have impacted him towards that decision.

But then – IF your WW signs on the dotted line then great. I’m just suggesting you ensure what you want and need with the least hassle.

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/13/2020 07:18 AM

WW read through the Separation Agreement and it hit her like a sack of bricks. The only sticking point was the car I drive which has 45k on the clock and hers which has close to 160k with a non workable AC. The AC could of have been replaced but she chose to spend the money for it on the A. I've reiterated it to her numerous times.

She really didn't have a problem with custody of DD16. The only thing that she wanted was the permission for medical records and treatment. Basically told her no since she is going to be living out of state with possible minimal contact. As for holidays, DD16 does not even want to spend holidays with WW and in the agreement it states that her AP or current BF cannot be under the same roof with her.

It's weird, WW is not putting up a fight right now. Before I served her she was confident I wasn't going to D her ass but now she is very somber. WW went all in to be with a POS that she has only known for 9.5 months. If I ever meet him, which I don't want to, I'll thank him for taking her off my hands. She is now his problem and I'm better off without her.

Excited about the future for myself but scared at the same time.

KingofNothing posted 7/13/2020 08:36 AM

The only thing that she wanted was the permission for medical records and treatment. Basically told her no since she is going to be living out of state with possible minimal contact.

Is she trying to stay on your medical plan? Ha ha ha haha..

Hey, certain other things were discussed with your representation that I won't mention specifically because you told me about them privately. Has that come to light yet or are you saving that for later?

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 8:49 AM, July 13th (Monday)]

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/13/2020 09:22 AM

Hey, certain other things were discussed with your representation that I won't mention specifically because you told me about them privately. Has that come to light yet or are you saving that for later?

If she decides to go after my 401k and pension we will. As for the recoupment, her exact words to me were "come and find me". Challenge accepted!!!

Westway posted 7/13/2020 09:48 AM

I don't understand the deal with her job. Why is she still planning on giving a 30 day notice? Why does that matter now?

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/13/2020 10:56 AM

I don't understand the deal with her job. Why is she still planning on giving a 30 day notice?

Since she is in a management position she cannot just put in two weeks. It's company policy so they can start to search for a replacement.

Why does that matter now?

It matters right now because it gives me a timeframe that I can expect her to be gone from the house. At the advice of my attorney, I can not turn her out of the house without the agreement being signed. Waiting on her to move her stuff. When this is done she has to sign the separation agreement because in NC we have to be under separate roofs.

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 10:57 AM, July 13th (Monday)]

nekonamida posted 7/14/2020 10:27 AM

It's weird, WW is not putting up a fight right now. Before I served her she was confident I wasn't going to D her ass but now she is very somber.

She had this fantasy of moving in with OM where you slowly fade into the background without drama and with out that pesky D. And if things didn't work out with OM, she planned to show back up to you as her plan B. When you served her papers, it popped her balloon and she realized OM better be worth it because you're no longer an option.

Westway posted 7/14/2020 10:55 AM

Since she is in a management position she cannot just put in two weeks. It's company policy so they can start to search for a replacement.

It matters right now because it gives me a timeframe that I can expect her to be gone from the house. At the advice of my attorney, I can not turn her out of the house without the agreement being signed. Waiting on her to move her stuff. When this is done she has to sign the separation agreement because in NC we have to be under separate roofs.

Understood. Thank you for the clarification.

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/14/2020 11:21 AM

She had this fantasy of moving in with OM where you slowly fade into the background without drama and with out that pesky D. And if things didn't work out with OM, she planned to show back up to you as her plan B. When you served her papers, it popped her balloon and she realized OM better be worth it because you're no longer an option.

nekonamida, this is exactly what is happening. She is very scared now as I've called her bluff. Since there are separation papers, she can go ahead and plan her marriage to POS, which she states has not reached that level and doesn't know if it will (red flag). She went all-in with this exit affair. In turn, I'm holding her feet to the fire and she no longer has a safe place. She knows I will never be her or anyone else's Plan "B".

Understood. Thank you for the clarification.

I'm sorry Westway if I came across as curt, didn't mean it like that. My apologies.

Westway posted 7/14/2020 12:13 PM

I'm sorry Westway if I came across as curt, didn't mean it like that. My apologies.

I didn't take it that way. It's all good.

HalfTime2017 posted 7/14/2020 18:40 PM

HBNC: I've read you 2 threads and am glad that you are on your way out of infidelity, albeit with a small moment of weakness and relapse into taking her back. Keep moving forward.

Her fantasy, whether real or not just proves her selfishness. A mother who doesn't want custody of her child is NOT a mother in my book, or many others. She basically gave everything up for this POSOM and ran away.

As you final coup, you should out the POS to his family, sue for AOA and CC. In addition, I'd put the friend on notice as well. That 60 yr old whore should also be outed to the community as a home wrecker. If you have mutual friends, I'd def let them know of her character. As far as I'm concerned, she is just as bad as your WW, egging on a married women to cheat. She's a sick person, having her brother screw your wife, than egging her on to take on other men. She is a horrible person.

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/14/2020 20:51 PM

Thanks HalfTime2017 for reading through both thread-naughts . As long as I can help out someone with my story and the ensuing ordeal so they know what to expect, the better.

After reading so many posts from folks that have gotten out of infidelity, I've come to know what to expect....somewhat. For each person, the circumstances may be different but they seem to follow the same script. SI has been my savior. If it wasn't for this board I would probably be on my way to rug-sweeping this whole A.

These last six and a half months have been one hell of a roller coaster ride through every emotional station but the one thing I have found was myself and my voice. Each day poses a new challenge but has turned into a resolve not to think about WW. Just have to tell myself that it's not my fault but hers, I didn't make her go out and have that PA with someone she only knew for 2 1/2 weeks. It's still hard to process when WW turns everything into a rationalization exercise, as Bigger pointed out, in order for her to justify the A.

Hell, even tonight she confronts me about how her POSOM AP cares about her happiness but I threw it right back in her face as she doesn't care about anyone else's, especially mine. Had to remind her that I was the one who was betrayed, not the other way around.

On another note, she still has not dropped her 30 day notice which facilitated tonight's argument because she won't leave without a job lined up. WW actually had the audacity to ask me to pay her to move. Told her to go and F off, I wasn't the one who squandered her paychecks. Also thinking there are cracks in fantasy land and thought she would be chomping at the bit to leave, job or not.

I know I failed at being the grey rock tonight about the confrontation, it was either that or grab a beer and didn't want to do that.

As for outing her 60YO party girlfriend, its not worth it and her life is even more f'd up than WW's. Not a very good person and she's not a mutual friend of mine just someone that WW met on the internet through her mobile game app. As for telling his family, I'm not going to do that (yet) since I want her to leave with no obstacles in her way. Return to sender is not an option . Might inform them when WW gets there though as to what their son, brother and father did.

Buffer posted 7/15/2020 03:37 AM

Well done brother.
Hold off informing until she is out of the home. Keep your powder dry, then the day after she is gone. Whoops who pressed send on that email?
One day at a time
Buffer

Tigersrule77 posted 7/15/2020 07:35 AM

HB, IMO, it's OK on occasion to break grey rock or NC, when you are standing up for yourself. I feel that 180 or grey rock is a way to do that, and not allow a WS to manipulate you. In your specific circumstance, you still did that. You may have shown some emotion (anger), but that's OK because it was in a way where you stayed strong. And by doing so, you let her know in no uncertain terms, where you stand. I totally respect that. I feel that sometimes we, as BS's, let WS's off too easy, if we are just trying to finalize a D and move on. Sometimes that is the right move. And sometimes, when a WS says something really stupid, the BS should let them know.

Bigger posted 7/15/2020 07:57 AM

HBNC

Be goal oriented.
Your goal isn’t to win divorce/separation.
Your goal isn’t that your then ex-wife is miserable.

Your goal is to get her out of your life.
Your goal is to get her out of your home, your house, your family… your life.

I think you are about 95% there…

Her silence, reluctance to give notice… I would worry about that.
I think you already have a great deal on the table. I would worry that she goes back on it – demands some custody, demands access to health records and so on. I am concerned that as is she might even be able to claim that the present agreement was forced on her without legal representation when she was emotionally unable to offer resistance. Judges look for fair, and honestly, I see the present agreement as fairly loop-sided to your advantage.

I would be looking at each and every step to raise that 95% to 96, then 97, 98, 99 and 100%!!!

If that requires paying her U-Haul truck…
Heck… as long as it’s one-way it would be the best investment ever…

heartbrokeninNC posted 7/15/2020 08:32 AM

And sometimes, when a WS says something really stupid, the BS should let them know.

She had to make a quip about her happiness and I was more than happy to point out that it's coming at the expense of others. WW from there was shut down and also made it a point that it's nothing more than a rationalization exercise to conscientiously justify her actions for her exit fling.

Your goal is to get her out of your life.
Your goal is to get her out of your home, your house, your family… your life.

This is absolutely what I am trying to do and it's selfish on her part not allowing me to move on. Legally, I'm stuck in limbo until she signs the separation papers and she knows that. Could this be the anticipated steamroll #2?

Dismayed2012 posted 7/15/2020 10:20 AM

"If I ever meet him, which I don't want to, I'll thank him for taking her off my hands. She is now his problem and I'm better off without her."

"Excited about the future for myself but scared at the same time."

I did meet the OM in my situation and laughed and thanked him. He was befuddled. It was hilarious.

I think all who D experience the same emotions about the future; scary but excited. The scary goes; the excitement coupled with relief stays.

Keep moving forward. I wish the best for you.

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