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Update to Christmas Eve D-Day

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heartbrokeninNC posted 6/22/2020 11:00 AM

Double post

[This message edited by heartbrokeninNC at 11:01 AM, June 22nd (Monday)]

Lalagirl posted 6/22/2020 11:19 AM

Not yet

OMG, wear a GoPro so you can get a pic of the expression on her face when you tell her to GTFO with your new lease agreement in hand - not to show us but to keep in your memoirs.

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/22/2020 11:45 AM

wear a GoPro so you can get a pic of the expression on her face when you tell her to GTFO with your new lease agreement in hand

I've got DD16's old GoPro in my drawer that I may need to break out again !!

Newlifeisgreat posted 6/22/2020 17:09 PM

When is the first day of the new lease?
When are you going to tell her that she will no longer live there?

Buffer posted 6/22/2020 18:00 PM

STBXWW “Hey my key doesn’t work!”
HeartbrokenNC “Who are you?” “You aren’t on the lease”.
Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/23/2020 05:55 AM

When is the first day of the new lease? When are you going to tell her that she will no longer live there?

The first day of the new lease is on 7/8. Going to let her know after she gets back off her latest tryst next week that she has to leave.

I just sent in the paperwork to renew the lease in my name yesterday as I received it on Saturday.

KingofNothing posted 6/23/2020 08:59 AM

Dude, you're doing great. Just inform her the period of separation mandated by NC has officially started, papers are forthcoming if they haven't been served already. Her stuff will be neatly placed in boxes and such for her convenience, and her boyfriend can come help her move to their new trysting place, because you surely won't. Ta, now! Stay in touch and have your lawyer contact my lawyer! Buh BYE!

This.. this is getting out of infidelity, right HERE.

Speaking of her latest tryst, did she refer to it as such? She is actually blatantly calling it that now?

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/23/2020 09:27 AM

her boyfriend can come help her move to their new trysting place

He's not stepping one foot into my place and WW knows it's not a good idea. She's about to get hit with a metric shit-ton of bricks.

Lalagirl posted 6/23/2020 10:00 AM

She's about to get hit with a metric shit-ton of bricks.

Popping the popcorn...

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/24/2020 06:19 AM

Popping the popcorn...

Oh yes, I'm buying stock in Jiffy Time, WW is going to be in for a surprise. Just a waiting game now and she can go and play house with her POS for all I care.

Bigger posted 6/24/2020 09:02 AM

heartbrokeninNC

Don’t want to be the party-pooper but often threads here on SI are controlled by illogical or non-realistic suggestions more based on revenge than logic. I want to play the devils advocate just to make sure you have your bases covered.

Throwing the WW out is generally about as sensible and safe as a home-made shotgun you buy for 5 bucks from the guy at the bus-station.
The name on the lease is not the issue: as a married couple she already has a legal residence irrespective of the name on the lease. The name on the lease doesn’t make you the king of the home, with the power to kick others out. If you are married (and you are married until the D is finalized) she probably/possibly/extremely likely has a legal right to be there.

Throwing her out = Domestic Violence = cops leading you out in cuffs = judge issuing a restraining order giving her prime residence of the home with your name on the lease…
I know this for a fact. As a former police officer that specialized in dealing with DV I escorted several men to jail for throwing their wife out.

You can ASK her to leave. You can NEGOTIATE she leaves. But I doubt you can MAKE her leave.

Get good, strong legal advice on this.

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/24/2020 09:16 AM

In North Carolina we do not have in house separations. One party needs to move out in order for the separation time to commence, law states that it needs to be 365 days before I can motion for D. WW has indicated that she is moving out of the house by getting things together and interviewing out of state.

thatbpguy posted 6/24/2020 09:17 AM

Bigger, I also knew that a lease in his name doesn't lock out his legal wife. However, she doesn't know that. What I mean is, he tells her that he has a new lease, she is not on it, and to please move out by 7/8. If she does, she does. No issue. If she opts to defy him and stay, I would think so long as he doesn't get ugly with her, his bluff is called and she stays. Sort of like a hand of poker.

Bigger posted 6/24/2020 09:26 AM

I would want to go on with more assurance than your wife carrying her toothbrush in her purse or the hope she falls for a bluff hand.

She could call you on this:
I refuse to leave -> separation doesn’t commence -> final divorce delayed.
Your “option” might become be to let go of the lease and forcing everyone to move.

One thing we always say about infidelity is that it’s fantasy. Our response needs to be reality – not fantasy. IMHO you are placing too much power into the response of your wife simply to get a fantasy shock-factor.

I would suggest you address this issue as soon as you have officially let her know your are separating as the first step in divorce. “Wife. To separate we can’t have the same legal home. Since my name is on the lease then the logical thing is that you leave. When do you plan on doing that?”

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/24/2020 09:39 AM

I would suggest you address this issue as soon as you have officially let her know your are separating as the first step in divorce. “Wife. To separate we can’t have the same legal home. Since my name is on the lease then the logical thing is that you leave. When do you plan on doing that?

Bigger, I have contacted the attorney and currently working on the draft agreement for the separation. It would not look good on her if she decides to stay and stall since alimony and child support (DD16) are on the line. I am suing for custody of DD16. The longer she pushes out the separation the closer DD16 will no longer be eligible for child support due to the age of majority.

Bigger posted 6/24/2020 09:55 AM

The key issue I was looking for is that you have legal guidance.

KingofNothing posted 6/24/2020 10:04 AM

I have to admire Bigger's response to the separation issue, it's very level headed (I didn't know he was a police officer in another life, btw, but I'm not surprised). I'm as guilty as the next BS on SI for sometimes indulging in a little cheer-leading. It's great to see someone move on from infidelity and not get steam rolled. So you're going to see a lot of "Yeah, you go, guy!" kind of responses (like mine, I admit). The important thing is to handle this from the jump legally so she can't come back at you and make it worse, or more prolonged. You should really make the separation a negotiation, not a dictated outcome, just to CYA.

Buffer posted 6/24/2020 23:08 PM

Brother, always go on advice from your legal team. If STBX once served wants to stay. Again your lawyer would advise what your next move is.
But as l understand she is actively seeking to set up closer to her POS, and is Wanting to leave the children behind.
Peace through superior fire power. Legal advice all the way.
One day at a time
Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 6/25/2020 05:54 AM

Thanks, everyone!! Trying not to let emotions get the best of me but it is extremely hard. I've 180'd and NC as much as I possibly can but in order for me to move on I'm trying to get WW out of the house. WW is heading out of town again this weekend for "job interviews" closer to POS and I'm hoping she does get an offer so I can climb away from the infidelity. As for the legal aspect, I'm consulting with my attorney as much as possible and keeping costs into consideration. CYA has always been at the forefront of how I proceed.

Ginny posted 6/25/2020 06:22 AM

You got this! I am sure it must hurt terribly knowing what she is doing this weekend. But, continue the 180 and being a “gray rock” for your own pride and sanity!

(Just an aside, I’ve been here years, and Bigger’s advice is always spot on. Truly, the best. )

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