EllieKMAS posted 6/15/2020 18:37 PM

A little background: my xdouche had a home gym down in our basement. He didn't take it with him when he left so it has just been sitting down there gathering dust. I keep meaning to post it on offerup or something just haven't yet. But some friends of mine were over last week and I mentioned that I was getting rid of it and they asked if they could have it. Hells yes! 1. It gets it out of my hair and 2. her husband is a mechanic and saved me about $3000 in repair bills last year. And they have just been a huge help to me, so letting them take the gym is the least I can do.

So anyways, they came to get it today and we were just visiting for a while. Already was thinking of xdouche cus of being in the basement and because these friends are ones he introduced that I took custody of in the D (Mostly cus they hate him hard for what he did to me).

A little more background - I do NOT pain shop. I deleted/blocked/plutoed that mf'er and every one of his sluts I knew of last year and have never looked back. But she sm stalked him and turns out he has now moved to a different state. I can only imagine because he found his next wife, cus he moved here from a different state when he met me.

I don't want him back. I do not entertain any sort of rosy "maybes" about him. I haven't forgiven him. I am still angry. Working towards indifference. I know I know - he still has to be him, and spray painting a turd doesn't change the fact that it is still a turd. And I know that he is just finding the next poor sap that will fall for his routine because he is incapable of taking care of himself.

But it just.... bugs me that he could so easily discard this life. And it bugs me that the excerpts of his profile she related to me are so. fucking. pathetic. About his "high IQ" and that his "anger is at his ex-wife". Dafuq? Ummmm... you chose to put your dick into an 18 yo vagina in a house your ex wife bought and paid for, in a bed your ex wife bought and paid for, driving to a different state in a truck your ex wife bought and paid for... so what the actual fuck do YOU have to be angry about you flaming jackass?

I just don't know how I feel, other than I wish nothing more than to teleport and kick him the dick so fucking hard and then come home to MY pretty house and drink tea like the Kermit meme. Sigh. I am finding out a way I can lay down my boundary to ask her not to share stuff like this with me cus no good can come of it.

This rant has been brought to you by the letter F for 'fucking douchehole I hope you get genital warts from whatever nasty vag you're hitting these days'.

Punkass bitches.

Justsomeguy posted 6/15/2020 19:08 PM

Love the vent!!!

BearlyBreathing posted 6/15/2020 19:58 PM

Great vent and that Kermit meme is gold.

(and I get the anger— the unfairness and the entitlement is so high.... it’s gonna take time to get over those things, even if you don’t want the ex douche back )

Although technically, he’s not an exdouche. He’s still 100% bonafide Grade A Douche.

fareast posted 6/15/2020 19:59 PM

Great vent EllieKMAS,

Very confirming as well. Very confirming to know that long after your D, that there is no galaxy in which this ridiculous, hopeless douchehole would take responsibility for his actions.

[This message edited by fareast at 1:26 PM, June 27th (Saturday)]

Chili posted 6/15/2020 19:59 PM

Ah yes - the dreaded rearing their ugly...heads with their douchiness and it feeling like they're taking a swipe at you. It just plain stinks. And you know what - you're entitled to still be angry - shit - I still get angry from time to time at the injustice of this infidelity thing. I think that's A-OK in my book. (So don't beat yourself up or question your healing because you're feeling some real way about something real).

So re: the boundary thing. I struggle with this too because like you, well, circumstances. And it happens. You didn't go looking for it and maybe she was just trying to have an "LE would probably appreciate knowing this so I'm going to share it" moment. Or thinking she was doing you a favor so you knew you weren't going to run into him at the grocery or something. I get it.

And I think it's ok to figure out what boundaries are healthy for you. For me, this many years later, I don't mind hearing the life-going-down-the-terlet stories about assclown. You know, things like arrests or lawsuits. But early on I didn't want to know shit. It was safer and better for me to not get mucked up with any hint of his presence in my life. So I would say to people in the know: "I really appreciate you giving me the inside track, but really it's just better for me not to hear anything about him right now." And modify as you see fit.

And I'm really glad that gym is going to someplace it can get some good use. That's gotta feel like a little positive juju?

ChamomileTea posted 6/15/2020 20:50 PM

You're my hero, Ellie...

EllieKMAS posted 6/16/2020 09:05 AM

Thanks y'all... want more on this? My sister went and did some stalking and it turns out in my case it wasn't pain shopping so much as a preview of coming karmic attractions!

Soooo apparently he moved to another state as third wheel in someone else's marriage. Yes... you read that right. Something tells me that when the novelty wears off and they realize they didn't adopt a second husband, but rather a 40 year old toddler (complete with pants-wetting when he has seizures!!) he might not seem like so much fun anymore.

Feeling very competent and kick-ass today, feeling beyond grateful that he is gone, and SOOOOO happy I kept the cat cus lord only knows what the douche would have done with him.

Told my sister and my friend that I am good and don't need to hear anything else, but mostly today am just feeling so vindicated in my being. It's kind of awesome!

Chili posted 6/16/2020 09:36 AM

He is a moron.

You are mighty.

Chaos posted 6/16/2020 12:40 PM

I don't know which part of that had me cheering for you more. This rant was epic!

I could go on about him but why waste that time? Because you are so fucking awesome.

Now take yourself out and buy a super fabulous Sparta KITD pair of shoes.

DevastatedDee posted 6/16/2020 15:18 PM

Nice rant, woman! It's hard to not be angry at having been with a completely fucked individual. He sucked yesterday, he sucks today, and he will suck eternally. But you don't and you are away from his dumbass. Let him keep hopping away state by state, further and further from your life. The best outcome you could ever have from this is him receeding further and further away.

BetterTimesAhead posted 6/16/2020 15:32 PM

Luv ya Ellie! Your posts are epic.

Look at it this way - if you ever had any second thoughts about your D, now you know you definitely made the right choice and you have avoided a whole lot of future hurt. And only better things to come for you...

crazyblindsided posted 6/16/2020 17:34 PM

I want to be you when this is all said and done. Love this rant!

Muggle posted 6/17/2020 11:56 AM

You rock Ellie, never forget that!

EllieKMAS posted 6/17/2020 13:59 PM

You guys are all so sweet - thank you all for reaffirming things for me.

I just realized that our divorce was just finalized 6 months and 4 days ago. Holy hell, it feels like a lifetime has passed since then! And definitely proves to me that he has not done (nor will ever do) any work on himself. Just smdh. It's just so pathetic and sad.

But one huge silver lining in this for me is that I am not really dwelling on it, upset by it, or hurt by it; I'm mostly just incredulous and disgusted. The last two days has shown me just how far I have come in my own healing. I'll take that win!

And aside - even though he was way too spineless to ever show up here again, it does make me feel better knowing my beautiful state is no longer being sullied with his presence.

Still hope he gets all the std's tho.

Chaos posted 6/17/2020 14:16 PM

I hope he falls on and is defiled by a cactus

DevastatedDee posted 6/17/2020 14:48 PM

But one huge silver lining in this for me is that I am not really dwelling on it, upset by it, or hurt by it; I'm mostly just incredulous and disgusted. The last two days has shown me just how far I have come in my own healing. I'll take that win!

Yeah, that's where I've been for a while. It's not the hurt at this point, it's that I'm still appalled that I went through that. Incredulous and disgusted fit too.

Chrysalis123 posted 6/18/2020 06:27 AM

I just realized that our divorce was just finalized 6 months and 4 days ago.

Your rant was fantastic and hilarious to read. You go girl!

I didn't realize you were freshly divorced. You are doing great. Keep on keeping on, and soon this will only be be something that once happened to you with out any major personal meltdowns attached to it.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 10:56 AM, June 18th (Thursday)]

Outoflove2020 posted 6/18/2020 11:24 AM

Honestly, Ellie, I aspire to be you. Your attitude and approach and your understanding of your own worth is everything I hope to be. You inspire me and even though I’m a random internet stranger who doesn’t really know you from Adam, I am super proud of the way you have dealt with the shit you have been dealt. Makes my situation seem mild and pathetic in comparison.

You are giving me the energy I need to get through today.

EllieKMAS posted 6/18/2020 14:42 PM

I hope he falls on and is defiled by a cactus

@DD, Muggle, Chrysalis, Chili, JSG, BTA & CT - You all have helped me more than you know with my processing since I started on SI. 2x4's and nice shit and everything in between - I appreciate all of your wisdom and kindness and strength! God bless strangers on the internet!

@OOL - Girl you made me tear up a little! Full disclosure, I still feel like a total mess some days, but I am a work in progress moving in the right direction now at least. I have had plenty of days where I fake it so I can make it, so you just take care of yourself and keep steppin forward. One step at a time and pretty soon you will turn the corner I swear.

And you can be me right now - sparta-kick that shit in the dick and tell em Ellie sent you

Muggle posted 6/18/2020 14:57 PM

Ellie, I could say the same about the help you've given me. I can see myself often in other's posts. The surreal part is when I can give others advise that I seem to have trouble taking myself.

Your rant could have been mine. I've often started and stopped writing my "closure" letter. I've wanted to shout from the heavens about what his betrayal did to me, how it changed me. Mine starts with one little photo that ended life as I knew it. The photo that ruined everyone's life. He can't make me the villain in the story he wrote himself. Every single thing he did was by his own choice. If Karma and the universe are dishing him out a personalized plate, that was the payment due for the damage he did to everyone around him. He's not the victim, he's just seeing the destruction of life as he knew it ONLY because it now effects HIM.

Depending on the day, sometimes my life looks like your rant, but on some days I can see little glimpses of myself healing still. I'm a work in progress, not yet where I want to be, still vulnerable to being sucked back into the vortex of pain and bitterness. The moments are getting farther apart, with less sting, but they're still lurking in the background. One day I will reach complete indifference. I will welcome that day with open arms, for then I will truly be free.

Until then we all have each other to lean on. We are all trying to find the balance. I'm glad we can be that support to each other.