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The 2nd affair was an EA and just as damaging

Gottagetthrough posted 7/12/2020 07:52 AM

I found out about WHís 2nd affair in November when I saw texts. I already knew he texted this woman wayyyyy too much and at weird hours but I was told they both have insomnia.

Wh has an excuse for everything. An empty Iím sorry. I went to the divorce attorney in February just to get some stuff in writing. Didnít think Iíd actually use it. Started posting in this forum. Didnít really believe Iíd go down divorce path. Really thought weíd start out that way but heíd wake up and realize he shouldnít text his ďsurrogate sisterĒ like this and weíd make it through.

I donít know exactly what happened, but ow got him fired at work.

After the money part of the equation is gone- I can tell you this.

For the past 7 months Iíve been driving myself crazy monitoring his texts

He told ow he loved her While drinking at home a few days before I had baby 3

When I found the text the day of babyís baptism (where ow was to be godmother) I texted her not to come. Who flipped out and was asking our DD if Iíd really done that ? He was worried about OW NOT me

He was mad at ME, and ruined the baptism, wouldnít go out for lunch after with my family whoíd traveled in from far away

He admitted heíd sent inappropriate texts to her (I adore you, you are so important..) and said he was sorry. I had an4 week old baby with feeding issues and was traveling 4 hours round trip to the lactation consultant every 10 days. I had 2 older kids, one who was being tested for adhd and dyslexia. I was barely treading water and let it slide.

He had bikini pics of ow on his phone. ďTo make fun of her!Ē Since it was her bday and she no longer looked like that and is now ďoldĒ. Um.. she doesnít look that different from 25-35.

When I asked him to not text her he still would. Said she is his surrogate sister since his family doesnít talk to him. Gave me Tears! I sort of believed him and said ok. I didnít want to rock the boat.

There was something that happened between them and work got involved and Wh quit before he got fired.

A week before this happened he sent a text saying how much she means to him and asking if she had any more bikini pics lying around ya know.. for artistic purposes

He was testing the PA waters with her.

He got fired and his boss called the cops to do a welfare check on him, he was obviously not mentally well. He told me he knew OW told the boss to do that because sje was scared heíd hurt himself.

No. Your boss called it in. OW would have called it in herself if she was worried about you. She used you for ego kibbles and when you needed help, she threw you away.

It was an emotional affair that blew up. And he wonít admit it. Heís out ME through hell the past 7 months. Fuck this. Fuck the checking the phone, the worry about him, the jealousy about why I wasnít interesting enough or good enough ...

Fuck that. I donít want to feel like that again.

Iím leaving the shared home next week (I have been gone for a month and came back for a week ) House owner will start the process of eviction when Iím out so he canít flip out on me. Heíll be gone by the time I return.

I tried SO HARD. At the expense of my sanity and self worth. I am always complaining that Iím boring or not interest. Well how the fuck can I do anything when Iím cleaning up this fuckerís mess all of the time? When Iím checking texts? How can I be anything but the sad little wife? Iím 41 years old, I have 3 beautiful kids, a home, and itís time to throw Wh to the curb and be that interesting person I want to be! Go back to school! Go to events who freaked out on me for suggesting (protests, etc). Heís holding me back on so many levels.

I can not wait to divorce this person.

The1stWife posted 7/12/2020 08:55 AM

So sorry for you. I hope you can find some peace and enjoy your you g children each day.

Katz13 posted 7/13/2020 16:43 PM

I hear you sister! My STBXH is in the midst of an EA and denying his crappy behavior. I too can't wait to have the chance to work on myself instead of trying to make him happy. Just be glad you didn't waste more time on him. I kept expecting a man of questionable character and limited integrity to make me happy. I'm 19 years in and wish I could hAve some of that time back. Keep posting on here and know you are not alone.

nekonamida posted 7/14/2020 12:47 PM

Well how the fuck can I do anything when Iím cleaning up this fuckerís mess all of the time? When Iím checking texts? How can I be anything but the sad little wife?

YES! FINALLY! This is the message I have been trying to impress upon you. You will have SO much more time and energy to get the life that you want when he is out of the picture.

As you're now realizing, there are no prizes for martyring yourself. There are no appreciation parties for sticking through the disrespect and disloyalty. There is only pain and exhaustion waiting for you. You deserve so much better than him!

little turtle posted 7/16/2020 14:13 PM


I'm proud of you. You're finally standing up for yourself and taking your life back.

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