Gottagetthrough posted 7/12/2020 07:52 AM

I found out about WH’s 2nd affair in November when I saw texts. I already knew he texted this woman wayyyyy too much and at weird hours but I was told they both have insomnia.

Wh has an excuse for everything. An empty I’m sorry. I went to the divorce attorney in February just to get some stuff in writing. Didn’t think I’d actually use it. Started posting in this forum. Didn’t really believe I’d go down divorce path. Really thought we’d start out that way but he’d wake up and realize he shouldn’t text his “surrogate sister” like this and we’d make it through.

I don’t know exactly what happened, but ow got him fired at work.

After the money part of the equation is gone- I can tell you this.

For the past 7 months I’ve been driving myself crazy monitoring his texts

He told ow he loved her While drinking at home a few days before I had baby 3

When I found the text the day of baby’s baptism (where ow was to be godmother) I texted her not to come. Who flipped out and was asking our DD if I’d really done that ? He was worried about OW NOT me

He was mad at ME, and ruined the baptism, wouldn’t go out for lunch after with my family who’d traveled in from far away

He admitted he’d sent inappropriate texts to her (I adore you, you are so important..) and said he was sorry. I had an4 week old baby with feeding issues and was traveling 4 hours round trip to the lactation consultant every 10 days. I had 2 older kids, one who was being tested for adhd and dyslexia. I was barely treading water and let it slide.

He had bikini pics of ow on his phone. “To make fun of her!” Since it was her bday and she no longer looked like that and is now “old”. Um.. she doesn’t look that different from 25-35.

When I asked him to not text her he still would. Said she is his surrogate sister since his family doesn’t talk to him. Gave me Tears! I sort of believed him and said ok. I didn’t want to rock the boat.

There was something that happened between them and work got involved and Wh quit before he got fired.

A week before this happened he sent a text saying how much she means to him and asking if she had any more bikini pics lying around ya know.. for artistic purposes

He was testing the PA waters with her.

He got fired and his boss called the cops to do a welfare check on him, he was obviously not mentally well. He told me he knew OW told the boss to do that because sje was scared he’d hurt himself.

No. Your boss called it in. OW would have called it in herself if she was worried about you. She used you for ego kibbles and when you needed help, she threw you away.

It was an emotional affair that blew up. And he won’t admit it. He’s out ME through hell the past 7 months. Fuck this. Fuck the checking the phone, the worry about him, the jealousy about why I wasn’t interesting enough or good enough ...

Fuck that. I don’t want to feel like that again.

I’m leaving the shared home next week (I have been gone for a month and came back for a week ) House owner will start the process of eviction when I’m out so he can’t flip out on me. He’ll be gone by the time I return.

I tried SO HARD. At the expense of my sanity and self worth. I am always complaining that I’m boring or not interest. Well how the fuck can I do anything when I’m cleaning up this fucker’s mess all of the time? When I’m checking texts? How can I be anything but the sad little wife? I’m 41 years old, I have 3 beautiful kids, a home, and it’s time to throw Wh to the curb and be that interesting person I want to be! Go back to school! Go to events who freaked out on me for suggesting (protests, etc). He’s holding me back on so many levels.

I can not wait to divorce this person.

The1stWife posted 7/12/2020 08:55 AM

So sorry for you. I hope you can find some peace and enjoy your you g children each day.

Katz13 posted 7/13/2020 16:43 PM

I hear you sister! My STBXH is in the midst of an EA and denying his crappy behavior. I too can't wait to have the chance to work on myself instead of trying to make him happy. Just be glad you didn't waste more time on him. I kept expecting a man of questionable character and limited integrity to make me happy. I'm 19 years in and wish I could hAve some of that time back. Keep posting on here and know you are not alone.

nekonamida posted 7/14/2020 12:47 PM

Well how the fuck can I do anything when I’m cleaning up this fucker’s mess all of the time? When I’m checking texts? How can I be anything but the sad little wife?

YES! FINALLY! This is the message I have been trying to impress upon you. You will have SO much more time and energy to get the life that you want when he is out of the picture.

As you're now realizing, there are no prizes for martyring yourself. There are no appreciation parties for sticking through the disrespect and disloyalty. There is only pain and exhaustion waiting for you. You deserve so much better than him!

little turtle posted 7/16/2020 14:13 PM

(((Gotta)))

I'm proud of you. You're finally standing up for yourself and taking your life back.