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Finally Free!!!

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heartbrokeninNC posted 8/23/2020 07:22 AM

I was waiting to post into this side of the forum until my WW left to officially start our separation. She did that yesterday morning around 8:30 am on August 22nd. The moment was surreal as I watched her drive away until she became a dot in my rearview. From now on, August 22nd will be a date that will be forever seared into my collective memory and that of my kids. She has signed her part of the Separation Agreement. As she was driving away yesterday I sent her the text that we are now total NC except for the kids, finances, and the S/D to make it official.

This has been a long time coming after the initial discovery, betrayal, all the lies of justification, and finally the mental gymnastics on her part. Ironically, WW left eleven months to the day the affair was initiated. She has gone to be with the “love of her life because we have so much chemistry” AP two states over. The time has come for me to start the healing process but the funny thing is that I'm well on my way. I no longer have any love or concern for my WW just total indifference anymore. Sure, there will be days when I wake up and start feeling sorry but that will subside hopefully when I think about what she had put me and the kids through. I'm finally free and it feels amazing. No longer do I have to hear her, see her or do anything for her anymore. I can do whatever the hell I want to now!! That in itself is liberating and I'm embracing the silence around me in the house right now.

DictumVeritas posted 8/23/2020 07:56 AM

You have been through a lot. I wish you only strength success and happiness on the path you now walk.

Look after yourself and your children.

The1stWife posted 8/23/2020 08:27 AM

Enjoy the peace and calm.

I don’t want to burst your bubble but I am suggesting you be prepared for her possible attempt to reconcile or re-enter your life. Odds are against her and her “guy” working out long term. You may then see the waterworks and her “you are the love of my life” routine.

Just sayin, be prepared.

99problems posted 8/23/2020 08:38 AM

Congrats buddy. The next milestone for both of us will be that beautiful day when we sign that divorce decree.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/23/2020 09:07 AM

I don’t want to burst your bubble but I am suggesting you be prepared for her possible attempt to reconcile or re-enter your life. Odds are against her and her “guy” working out long term. You may then see the waterworks and her “you are the love of my life” routine.

Just sayin, be prepared.

Going to be prepared for her trying to come back into my life. Saw a little bit of this when everything was packed in her car on Friday night. DD16 and I just walked away from it. Honestly, do not think it will work out either with her "guy" and that she will soon monkey branch off him. She only cares about herself and what others can do for her. She has always been a taker and not a giver.

The bridges between us have been burned to the ground and I'll never take her back. Plus, she won't give me the satisfaction of laughing in her face while I've moved on with my life with someone else.

The next milestone for both of us will be that beautiful day when we sign that divorce decree.

Amen to that brother!!!! Cannot wait for that day!!!!

Anna123 posted 8/23/2020 09:36 AM

Good riddance. Buh Buy. Adios. Adieu. Don't let the door hit you on your way out-----

Ahhh. Isn't it nice?! Free from the world class mom that as a final hurrah moves a couple of states away from her family to be with a man willing and happy to be a part of that.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/23/2020 09:52 AM

Ahhh. Isn't it nice?! Free from the world class mom that as a final hurrah moves a couple of states away from her family to be with a man willing and happy to be a part of that.

Feels absolutely amazing!!! Yesterday was the end of the beginning and starting today it's the beginning of the end. Onwards!!!!

AP is just as broken as her and they base their happiness off of each other. They "deserve" each other . She is now "his" problem !

Phoenix1 posted 8/23/2020 13:58 PM

You sound like you are emotionally in a good place. Good for you! Enjoy the peace and calm with your kids!

Once the D is final, you will REALLY feel like a weight has been lifted and the dark clouds have permanently parted. Isn't NC one of the states that requires a year and a day separation before you can file for D? If so, the clock has at least started ticking!

Onward and upwards!

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/23/2020 14:09 PM

Phoenix1, NC is definitely one of those states that requires a one-year separation then you can D. My attorney calls it the 365+1 law. I'm in a good place now and no longer have to worry about WW and what she is doing. Relishing the notion that I can do what I want to now without being judged or criticized for it.

Bigger posted 8/24/2020 06:12 AM

Take some time now to document and photograph your NOW.
Basically – get copies of bank-statements, credit report, lease, credit-card statements…
Do a walk-around on your vehicle, photograph it in detail, note the mileage…
Do the same inside your home.
Have a clear picture of what your NOW looks like.
File it and place in a folder.

It might come in handy if there is anything contested when the divorce is finalized.
It might come in handy in helping you be clear on where you are now.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/24/2020 06:43 AM

Bigger, I went through this weekend and did mostly taking pictures. I've got the lease in my possession at all times and have been pulling down the bank statements or having them up to the day. Keeping all that information off-site from the house so she can't access it if she ever gets in. Also, the locks will be getting changed this week. I'll start pulling down credit reports also. There is no telling if she's opened cards in my name and had them sent to POSOM address where she is at. Will try to set up alerts to see if my SSN will be used to open up credit cards.

SuperDaddy1027 posted 8/24/2020 11:13 AM

Isn't NC one of the states that requires a year and a day separation before you can file for D?

It is. I was one of the lucky ones in that my XWW moved out of the marital home 1 month after Dday. The kids stayed with me until it was sold (8 months later) and she moved into her new house.
I have no idea how I would have survived even 8 months of IHS. Just the 1 month she was staying with us was awful. I not only played the pick me dance but I was beyond depressed and felt like I was the “crazy one”.

I do think the 1 year separation period can have some Advantages. For me I got “full custody” of the kids for 8 months and got extra time with them I knew I normally wouldn’t have had. It also helped the kids adjust to the new “norm” and spending time at both locations.

HB inNC I wish you nothing but peace, calmness and happiness. I do warn you that although you may think you are “over” your STBXWW, you will inevitably have some bad days. More of you missing who you thought she was. And how someone could be so cruel to you and your kids. But as everyone stated, sounds like you have a great mindset and are ready to move onward. Don’t worry, the 1 year separation Period goes by quick.....and to this day it filled me with sadness and happiness and relief the day I could file for D. Just so many emotions on that day....just be prepared for a crazy ride. But after the ink dries......the sun comes out, the clouds start to loft and you realize you can now do so many things you couldn’t before. And you will find happiness again!

HalfTime2017 posted 8/24/2020 14:11 PM

HBNC - Good for you. I am a bit jealous that my WW didn't move 2 states away to be with her AP. I still have to share custody with my WW, but life is so much better without her or her crazy family around.

I hope you find peace and a better life ahead. I think you'll do great with your new life. My WW never came crawling back, and its been over 3 yrs since DDay for me. I've found a much better replacement for her, and she knows it. She tried contacting my new GF, and she'll send emails referencing my new GF, which all gets ignored. It would be lovely to laugh in their face when their situation implodes, but you'll never know when it'll happen or if it will or not. That's why moving on and creating a better life for yourself is the best way forward. Good luck to you on your journey. You've taken a big step this past weekend.

Westway posted 8/24/2020 16:08 PM

Getting distance between my WW and myself was the absolute right choice for me. She was never going to stop her self-destructive ways, and I could not save her.

I'm glad you have found some peace.

thatbpguy posted 8/24/2020 17:03 PM

Well, look who's here. A man who is out of infidelity. Hmmmmm, he looks happier. Good job.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/24/2020 21:36 PM

Thanks BP, much happier now. Got the separation paperwork notarized and will be sending to attorney tomorrow. Its nice to be away from the infidelity and to keep working on myself.

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/26/2020 13:04 PM

Getting distance between my WW and myself was the absolute right choice for me. She was never going to stop her self-destructive ways, and I could not save her.

Westway, I believe it was the absolute right choice for me also. It's funny, when all these years it was me being told I was the problem . My WW never wanted to change and that is why I dumped her ass.

On a more positive note, dropped the paperwork off with the attorney yesterday so it can be filed. One more step completed .

Buffer posted 8/26/2020 19:59 PM

Brother you are well on the road to happiness.
Having DS and DD with you, no toxic STBX draining the life out of you.
Now just keep up the self improvements. Social groups, Men Shed meetings (a charity thing here in Aust), man cave update.
NC when that message comes in that the bearded troll didn't work out and she will be late with child support. Can I come home?
One day at a time
Buffer

heartbrokeninNC posted 8/29/2020 09:38 AM

The first week of separation is in the books. Still feeling pretty good and not really thinking about the WW. Cleaning up around the house and getting rid of things that should have been removed years ago but didn't have the ambition to do so. DD16 is starting to settle into her new normal. Have not heard from WW personally which is good, it means she is sticking to my demand for NC and is in honeymoon phase with AP. Something is nagging me in the back of my mind though that she will somehow show up back on my doorstep. The bottom line is that everything is going well and getting used to the peace and calm.

whatIknowNow posted 8/29/2020 10:08 AM

I think that in the depths of despair over finding out there was infidelity and/or your partner doesn't love you anymore it is hard to see a good side.

But there is. You can start over. It sounds daunting and it is, but it is not near as bad as the alternative or near as bad as you think it will be.

When my marriage ended it was very painful, but after a time I realized I wasn't happy or fulfilled in the marriage either, and maybe I could do better. I did. This time I picked a woman instead of letting a woman pick me. There were lots of other factors involved, but the result was 22 years of wonderful marriage and more to come.

Where you place your energy is where you get results. If you want to have a safe and loving partner there is one out there, you just have to put the energy into finding her. And to know when you have :)

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