Westway posted 9/2/2020 12:58 PM

Posted: 11:56 AM, September 2nd (Wednesday), 2020

I thought I would share a funny story with you all.

I'm separated from my STBXWW and awaiting the divorce decree to come through. This past weekend my daughter who attends a nearby university came to town to visit and spent last Friday night with me. While we were hanging out in my condo, my daughters were watching some TV show on weddings, and my older daughter was really into the show, and making comments about the bride's dresses and such.

As I was walking by I asked her "Why are you watching that? You aren't getting married." To which she replied "Yeah, but I'm already starting to plan my wedding when I do have it one day."

I walked into my office leaving the girls out there and was working on a project when the most horrifying thought struck me: I am the father of two girls... two future brides. Which means I will be paying for the weddings, which means I will have to be dealing with their mother! Oh God! My STBXWW as Mother of the Bride! Oh God! I have to deal with this psychopath when our daughters both marry? Oh God!

I spent that whole afternoon in a long, drawn out panic attack.

To make matters worse, my STBXWW is a wedding planner and caterer, so she's going to be doubly a bitch during the whole process. And I have to do this twice...

Oh God!

[This message edited by Westway at 1:33 PM, September 2nd (Wednesday)]

Buster123 posted 9/2/2020 13:18 PM

Just tell her to send you the budget for review and then if you agree with it, cut her a check if you don't want to be involved, anyway by that time you would probably be in a much better place.

Westway posted 9/2/2020 13:34 PM

I hope I don't have to sit with my STBXWW during the weddings.

crazyblindsided posted 9/2/2020 13:37 PM

Yep these thoughts keep me up at night

I have a daughter and a son and will have to see my STBX (and whoever he brings) at the weddings. If weddings were not cringeworthy enough

Tron posted 9/2/2020 13:55 PM

The fact she is a wedding planner already means that your involvement should be minimal. And your D's would probably also be getting the best available deals.

I'd suggest you tell your D's how much you are willing to spend, write the check and then walk away from it. Don't get involved and don't take any crap from your STBXW. If she can't stay within the budget she can fork over the difference.

[This message edited by Tron at 1:57 PM, September 2nd (Wednesday)]

Tron posted 9/2/2020 13:57 PM

And as for sitting next to your STBXW with her new beau...yeah I'd have an issue with that too.

Booyah posted 9/2/2020 14:03 PM

"I hope I don't have to sit with my STBXWW during the weddings".

Maybe social distancing will still be in play or in this case WW distancing

tushnurse posted 9/2/2020 14:14 PM

Pay them to run away.
Reinforce that their choice to marry is between them and their partner, and whatever higher power they believe in. That is they chose not to have a big wedding you will give them cash for a home downpayment.

It worked for me.

Seriously....

Bigger posted 9/2/2020 14:48 PM

I absolutely HATE the tradition of the father of the bride paying the wedding.
I think it’s dated and gives the wrong message to the couple.
We basically pay the equivalent of the down-payment of a family-home to have this great big party. A party that also contains a lot of ceremony and pageantry that really has little relevance to our lives.
I get the joy and the happiness and the importance of the day, but I think if couples spent even a fifth of the hours spent planning the wedding on understanding marriage, organizing finances and creating goals then the divorce rate would drop significantly.

Personally – I would let them know that any future marriage would be on their expense, but you would pay the honeymoon or contribute to a down-payment on the first home.

Tigersrule77 posted 9/2/2020 14:54 PM

I hope I don't have to sit with my STBXWW during the weddings.

You don't. You are a grown man, and you can let your daughters know that you won't be sitting at the same table as your STBXWW. It shouldn't be a big deal.

Do your daughters know your WW was unfaithful? I thought you told them that, just kept the details private. If so, they should understand.

Yes, you'll have to see her and her family, but you don't have to interact with them.

The1stWife posted 9/2/2020 15:06 PM

She’s a wedding planner? Wow that strikes you as “what a hypocrite” no?!

Westway posted 9/2/2020 17:19 PM

Tigersrule77

I hope I don't have to sit with my STBXWW during the weddings.

You don't. You are a grown man, and you can let your daughters know that you won't be sitting at the same table as your STBXWW. It shouldn't be a big deal.
Do your daughters know your WW was unfaithful? I thought you told them that, just kept the details private. If so, they should understand.
Yes, you'll have to see her and her family, but you don't have to interact with them.

Yes they know. Not as much as I do, but they see who she is and what she is doing. She will be lucky if they even allow her to help with their weddings.

Westway posted 9/2/2020 17:27 PM

The1stWife

She’s a wedding planner? Wow that strikes you as “what a hypocrite” no?!

Oh, believe me... I have been using this as fodder to burn her for months whenever she gets snarky. I say stuff to her like:

"Oh so you are having trouble landing that wedding gig huh? Well, you could offer a two for one deal to the bride... one tiered wedding cake and a free blowjob for the groom."

or

"A Jewish wedding huh? Well, if you want to get that gig you could run a train on a local klezmer band and get them to do the reception music for free."

[This message edited by Westway at 5:31 PM, September 2nd (Wednesday)]

Westway posted 9/2/2020 17:30 PM

bigger

We basically pay the equivalent of the down-payment of a family-home to have this great big party. A party that also contains a lot of ceremony and pageantry that really has little relevance to our lives.

I have two CDs with $30,000 in them. I think when they mature in a year or so I'll just flip them together into a money market account and let them simmer and collect interest and then each daughter gets half of what is in it when the first one marries.

Lionne posted 9/2/2020 18:32 PM

I'm pretty much splitting the cost of Saturday's wedding. The bride is one of 5. The parents are somewhat wealthier than we are if appearances are true. But it's a simple wedding with no attendents or clergy followed by a backyard bbq.
The May wedding will be a hige pageant. These 2 are well payed professionals, but the bride is an only child whose parents have been dreaming of this day for years. They gave them a budget of a lot of money. We simply cannot match that, nor is the big showy event in our comfort zone.
We gifted both couples with a fairly large amount of money and well pay for a shower and rehearsal dinner.

longsadstory1952 posted 9/2/2020 18:44 PM

Westway. You don’t really say that. Really? If you do you are my hero.

You don’t have to sit next to you skank wife if you don’t want to or even acknowledge her existence.

But for now just relax. Kids don’t get married anyMore until they are in their thirties having lived together for years.

Shoot. It might never happen.

You can use the money to buy them a house by the time they tie the knot.

1985 posted 9/2/2020 18:54 PM

I suppose by the time a wedding happens Social Distancing will no longer be required. Just start now thinking of other reasons for different seating.

The1stWife posted 9/3/2020 03:23 AM

My sibling married many years ago and had a big affair. We had an issue w/ seating arrangements b/c my two grandmothers had a serious issue. They were both married to the same man.

My serial cheating grandmother - he was Husband 6. They D. Because she cheated and drank. She then married H #7 at the time of this wedding.

My maternal grandmother then married H #6 who was a really really nice man. They were H&W at time of said wedding.

We had them seated at opposite sides of the room. Different hotels and limos. Buffers and strategically placed people on alert. And no knives given to the serial cheating grandmother during the dinner.

Yup she was that crazy. And there were no incidents. Period.

The1stWife posted 9/3/2020 04:01 AM

Westway.

I like your idea about the CDs.

We inherited a small amount of $ decades ago (maybe $5k). We put it in a mutual fund and never touched it. It grew to about $30k and it was for our children.

We use it as the car fund. College fund. Whatever was needed. We told our kids we sound match up to $10k for their car. They had to pay half out of their own $.

Senior year of HS they hard their own cars. With their own $.

It’s one and done. Any future cars are on them. 100%. No more financial help.

99problems posted 9/3/2020 07:53 AM

My daughter's only 7 and this still sends shivers down my spine. Lordy.