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falloutoflove (original poster new member #75845) posted at 2:32 PM on Tuesday, November 17th, 2020
During the divorce settlement negotiation, does or how does the WS concede?
I am the WH and my BW and I contributed almost equally to building our matrimonial assets.
My BW is asking for 60% from the sale of matrimonial home.
She is also not allowing me to have overnight and overseas holiday access for our young toddlers.
How much and how far should I push in our negotiations?
Does remorse play a factor in the division of your assets and seeking child access time?
Just wish to seek some sentiments out there. Thanks
LifeDestroyer ( member #71163) posted at 4:08 PM on Tuesday, November 17th, 2020
Has she given you any reasons for not allowing you access to overnights and overseas holidays? I can understand the overseas, I wouldn't be comfortable with that either.
With that said, unless there is abuse of any kind, I do not think access to the children should be impacted by our infidelity. I'm sure people will disagree with me, but if the tables were turned I would have never kept my daughter from her daddy. Just like he didn't keep her from me.
Maybe today can be a good day, and if today can be a good day, then maybe tomorrow can be too.
We might be broken and imperfect, but we still have worth and value.
As hard as it is to feel pain, it's much harder to feel nothing.
Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 5:34 PM on Tuesday, November 17th, 2020
Much of this hinges on the laws in your state. With some exceptions, couples may agree to an unequal split of assets or debt, and if the judge will sign off on it, then you can proceed that way. Certainly, if you used marital assets to fund your affair and such, you should take responsibility for those financial decisions. But the rest? I don't think any of us here have the information to say yes or no.
With regards to the children, I'm curious about the no overnights. How old are they? Is your STBXW concerned about your AP or other women being in your home during your parenting time (legitimate concern, FYI). Are there other factors that are not explained here? Unless one parent is a clear danger to children (i.e. substance abuse or the like), you should be able to have overnights with your children.
With regards to overseas travel, that is a bit more complicated. Do you have family overseas/living in a different country?
I would encourage you to become familiar with the laws in your state with regards to what you might reasonably expect. What does your attorney say?
Cat
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 6:41 PM on Tuesday, November 17th, 2020
There are too many horror stories of parents taking their kids overseas and not bringing them back. You say your children are toddlers so I don’t blame your wife one bit. Young children begin to bond fairly quickly with whoever is looking after them. It would not take your family very long to get your kids emeshed in their lives. If you have the money to go overseas then you have the money to have your family come see you. Until your children are older I suggest that’s how you handle this. It might keep you and your ex and you from despising each other in the end. Remember this is about your children and their relationship with both of you.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis
Poppy704 ( member #62532) posted at 7:26 PM on Tuesday, November 17th, 2020
This is simply the wrong place for you to seek good legal advice. Consult attorneys in your area.
Custody/visitation is not a prize to be gifted to the betrayed spouse, children are not an asset to be divided. Being betrayed does not inherently make one the superior parent or more worthy of parenting time. Children have the right to access to and a relationship with both of their parents.
Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 1:33 AM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2020
^^^ What she said.
Follow your lawyer’s advice.
Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again
Staying together for the kids
D-day 2010
ALotofHistory ( new member #74176) posted at 3:25 PM on Thursday, November 19th, 2020
Custody should start and end very close to 50/50. It is what is best for the children that matters and they need both parents. Never cede ground there and always do right by the kids.
As for financial, you can agree to what you feel is best, but remember, this isn't a criminal proceeding, this is a civil dissolution. A business matter. Never financially hamstring yourself or your children's future by doing something silly. 50/50 on the home. No exceptions.
Follow your attorney's advice and be clear.
Best of luck.
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