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So hard not to engage

Gottagetthrough posted 11/23/2020 17:17 PM

I want to constantly yell at him for effing up every thing.

Hard not to

Gray rock gray rock gray rock

Its the time of year that i found out about BOTH affairs (day thanksgiving)

This is tough

katmandude54 posted 11/23/2020 17:23 PM

VERY hard not to engage, of course. BUT. You're just showing him you still care. Go radio silent, no reaction, no action, just straight face/no affect. Will leave him wondering what's going on. Infinitely more enjoyable.

Breakingapart posted 11/23/2020 17:59 PM

Itís the continual fíing up! You want to yell in their face so they will realize itís not about them!!! It is so so so hard not to react! I get it...they donít care so why bother but it would feel good wouldnít it?!?!
I feel your frustration!

tushnurse posted 11/24/2020 07:41 AM

Ugh.
Can you and the kiddos do something different for the holiday this year?
Drive to see your family perhaps?

Not even celebrate the holiday?
Or have a local grocery cater it, and be done?

Reach out to your family and ignore him as much as humanly possible. You will reach your new beginning. It won't be like this forever.

ZenMumWalking posted 11/24/2020 08:17 AM

Can I give you my dogshit analogy? You're walking along the sidewalk and step in some dogshit. Are you going to yell at the dogshit and expect it to change? NO!!

Scrape off and move on........ well your WH is dogshit on the bottom of your shoe. Gray rock, scrape off and move on.

You'll be done with him before you know it, just keep on the path of detachment.

((((gotta))))

99problems posted 11/24/2020 10:35 AM

ZenMW,
The dogshit analogy is genius, I will be thinking of that often.
Thanks!

Gottagetthrough posted 11/24/2020 12:30 PM

Hes bitching because thats what we are doing, tushnurse. We were supposed to go today but i woke up with a monster headache. Its adrenaline let down from kids exams last week (middle has learning disabilities and i was so nervous for him at his new school, but he did wonderfully !)and running around doing errands, etc, so im taking today and making the kids babysit their baby brother while i rest.

Wh will be alone for thanksgiving and christmas (we are staying until January)

Hes upset about that. I told him his actions last year have consequences this year. Thanksgiving is the time i found out about BOTH affairs so its a tough time for me

tushnurse posted 11/24/2020 12:35 PM

Gotta I am happy to hear you are going to get a break.

Now take some deep breaths, count out on your exhales to 8, and then drink a quart of water, your headache will improve.

Then head out.

Ignore ingnore ignore.
Remember the dogshit analogy. IT's a good one.

homewrecked2011 posted 11/24/2020 18:53 PM

Once you leave town, shut the door on him mentally. He will be in another city or state(?), donít let him control you when heís nowhere around!!!!!! Enjoy your kids, your family!!!!

Gottagetthrough posted 11/25/2020 06:38 AM

ZenMum-Dog poo analogy- lol, i probably WOULD continue to yell at the dog shit!

Homewrecked- i am blocking his number on my phone. Ill tell him this, and if he really needs me to call the landline at my familyís house. That way no texts. (He doesnt do phone calls, only texts)

fooled13years posted 11/25/2020 08:12 AM

Gottagetthrough,

Its the time of year that i found out about BOTH affairs

Perhaps you might try reframing this as the time of year when you truly found out who you were married to so that you can make an informed decision on how to live your life.
Hes upset about that. I told him his actions last year have consequences this year
This may be giving him too much control on how you live your life which is to punish him.

Instead you might consider letting him know that he proved to you that he did not want to be part of the family so you and the kids have started your new life.

To make sure that he doesn't use this against you you could tell him that he will have access to the kids after the custody agreement is settled but as the Holidays are for family you and the kids are enjoying time with the people who want to be part of your family.

i was so nervous for him at his new school, but he did wonderfully

Good for him! You spent all that time worrying over something that turned out fine.

All that time and energy you spent worrying about what would happen did nothing to influence the ultimate outcome.

The same principal applies to what you are dealing with in regards to your WH. He let you know who he is and you made an informed decision on how to live your life.

Things will get interesting to be sure but they will also be okay in the end.

Enjoy this time with your children.

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