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The waiting is killing me (a vent)

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barcher144 posted 1/12/2021 12:35 PM

According to my attorney, the judge has 90 days to make his ruling on my divorce. According to my math, day#60 is next Tuesday. Day#90 is Feb 18.

I am almost there.

I really need this ruling. I want to re-start my life so badly.

(in other news, I think that my relationship with my current GF is now over... and I need to move out... another reason to get this divorce finalized!)

Tigersrule77 posted 1/12/2021 13:18 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship.

I can't imagine being stuck waiting as long as you are with the crappy situation. I have to applaud your patience. Your posts thus far have (at least in appearances) made it seem you were consigned to waiting out the process and accepting that you had done the best you could and it was out of your hands. It's not an easy place to be.

BearlyBreathing posted 1/12/2021 13:20 PM

Sending out vibes for sooner rather than later for you!! Sorry you are still going through this, and sorry about the GF. Vent away.

SuperDaddy1027 posted 1/12/2021 13:23 PM

I too applaud your patience. Not sure I could have lasted as long as you have. Good luck!

The1stWife posted 1/12/2021 15:26 PM

Sorry the GF relationship isnít working out.

Hope the judge rules soon. This needs to be over already!

crazyblindsided posted 1/12/2021 15:27 PM

So sorry to hear about the GF. But sounds like you are almost to the finish line. Onwards and upwards from there!

Ratpicker posted 1/12/2021 16:35 PM

After my divorce trial, I remember thinking mid-Dec would be 90 days and it would have made for a peaceful Christmas. Especially since it took 2 years to get to trial. Nope! Then surely the judge would issue ruling by the end of the year, he'd want it off his desk. Nope! Well on Jan 2nd there was finally a ruling but not that year, it was a whole 'nother year. 471 days after the end of the 3 day trial.

What I can tell you is that the anxiety waiting on the final decisions can dissippate. After the 4th or 5th month the human body just can't keep up that level of anxiousness. Think about Tom Hanks on an island, you kinda settle in, start talking to a volley ball. You don't wanna know what you start talking to, if after the 471 days, the opposing counsel files a motion for a new trial, loses and files for an appeal to the state Supreme Court. There is a reason for the saying: what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!

barcher- I don't think you will have to wait much longer. If this relationship does survive it will have weathered a nasty storm. If your current relationship isn't going to survive, you'll have to start again but it can all be brand new. You will have had a long swim in shit creek and come out on the other side. Enjoy a nice long hot shower, wash off the remnants of shit and prepare to take on a whole new world!

little turtle posted 1/13/2021 15:28 PM

I've been wondering how things are going with you barcher. I peek in here periodically looking for an update from you!

Sorry to hear about your gf. Why do you *think* it's over? You don't know for sure??

DragnHeart posted 1/14/2021 09:53 AM

I peek in here periodically looking for an update from you!

Yep i do this too.

I wish things were going quicker for you.

tushnurse posted 1/14/2021 12:24 PM

Hang in there Barch.
Sorry the GF didn't work out. Can you hang in there another month. That's not long at all especially with working everyday, and doing stuff w/ your second job. Staying busy will help pass that time.

I too was wondering what was up, and figured no news was good news.

Lalagirl posted 1/14/2021 12:37 PM

So sorry this is taking so damn long, Barcher. It's probably not helping now that you and your GF are likely parting ways; that's too bad; I was rooting for you guys.

pureheartkit posted 1/14/2021 21:49 PM

You deserve a party after this.

barcher144 posted 1/18/2021 07:26 AM

Thank you, everyone, for the supportive comments. I'm going to try and respond to the various questions and comments in one response....

Well on Jan 2nd there was finally a ruling but not that year, it was a whole 'nother year. 471 days after the end of the 3 day trial.

This is borderline my worst nightmare.

I have been told by my attorney that the judge has 90 days to make a decision... but he is a judge, what am I going to do if he doesn't meet this deadline? Report him to an Uber-judge?

Why do you *think* it's over? You don't know for sure??

I have really been struggling with a number of things for the past few months. GF and I are very much compatible in a romantic sense, but I don't think that we are very compatible in a lifestyle sense. I like things neat and tidy and she is a bit of a slob. She's trying to be better but it's not helping and I am not comfortable "forcing" her to change.

The other thing that is causing problems is that I have been struggling with my past in a mental health sense. I have endured a lot of emotional trauma in my life and I have mostly ignored it (rub some dirt on it and it'll be okay) until now. There's a lot to unpack... I'll leave it at that.

I'm still processing a lot of the crap that has happened to me, but one GOOD THING is that I think that I found some good news in my past too. I've thought back to periods in my life when I was genuinely happy and I have been thinking about the factors that allowed me to be truly happy... and I think that I can get back there again soon.

I too was wondering what was up, and figured no news was good news.

In this case, no news is just no news. My kids seem to be doing somewhat better, although who really knows?

Beyond that, it's just crazy life during a pandemic. It's winter and there isn't much to do around here that is safe and fun besides video games.

Westway posted 1/18/2021 13:16 PM

Hoping it comes sooner than later brother. I wish you the best, and I look forward to hearing about how the weight has been lifted off you.

I didn't realize how much the anxiety of waiting for my decree to come through had negatively affected me. When it finally did, I felt like I could breath again. Seriously... it was like my head had been covered up with a thick wool blanket for all those months. I was barely able to breathe. And then the day came when I got the decree delivered, and it was like the blanket was lifted off me, and clean fresh air rushed into my lungs.

ZenMumWalking posted 1/18/2021 13:42 PM

Just sending mojo barcher

barcher144 posted 1/18/2021 19:33 PM

And then the day came when I got the decree delivered, and it was like the blanket was lifted off me, and clean fresh air rushed into my lungs.

I'd imagine that I'll experience something similar. As a minimum, I will know what I am dealing with for the foreseeable future as far as alimony and child support, which will allow me to make decisions about my future...

My anxiety is also practical. The judge's temporary decision reached in June 2019 has been very very hard on me. STBXW literally has double the take-home income that I have, even though I make double what she makes. Along those lines, there is considerable trepidation that the judge will simply continue along the lines of his temporary ruling (although my attorney says that I would have an exceptionally strong case for an appeal).

barcher144 posted 1/20/2021 16:50 PM

Fact update.

I received a notification yesterday that 60 days had lapsed since the judge's clock started clicking. Almost there...

tushnurse posted 1/21/2021 10:12 AM

Why do I have the Jeopardy theme going through my head?

barcher144 posted 1/21/2021 11:06 AM

Why do I have the Jeopardy theme going through my head?

Now I do too!

I just got an email from my attorney (for other reasons). She suggested that the judge's ruling will likely be very close to his deadline. So, at least that calms me down...

The1stWife posted 1/22/2021 02:23 AM

Less than 30 days to go. Hang in there.

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