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Does NC mean NC with everyone involved?

Katz13 posted 1/15/2021 00:08 AM

I've been contemplating writing a letter to AP's family friends (married couple) who enabled affair. Along the lines of a victim impact statement including how this has impacted my son whom they claim to care for. Also a letter to AP's parents who thought my stbx was in the process of divorce when the affair took place. He wasn't and I feel they need to know the truth.

I am spending time composing these things in my head and if I get it out, I'll have some peace. I don't want to be thinking a year from now, "I should've said this to them."

I've been good at remaining NC to STBX and AP.
Thoughts?

The1stWife posted 1/15/2021 05:59 AM

I would never — and I mean never — put something like that in writing. You never know what people will do with your letter.

Mean vindictive people will use it against you. They can post it on social media as an example. Your child could see it.

It might be therapeutic for you to write it and never send it.

By sending the letter you assume they care about your feelings or how their affair was wrong or the damage it caused. They don’t. You already know that. They have and will justify their choices in any way possible.

Just remember that relationships that start as affairs have a very low success rate. Because the two people in the affair turned “relationship” already know what the other is capable of. And once the fantasy wears off and reality sets in, I doubt the “happiness” can last.

Resist the urge to send the letter. Never let your enemy know what you are thinking. And this would break your no contact too!

[This message edited by The1stWife at 6:03 AM, January 15th (Friday)]

DanielJK posted 1/15/2021 07:35 AM

I wouldn't do it.

Don't let that take up space in your head. You have to let it go. I know it's easier said than done.

You are moving away from the person who betrayed you in the worst possible way. Why spend any more time or energy on that negativity than absolutely necessary. Just get through the divorce and let the backstabber go stab someone else in the back.

Think about it.

Get the negativity that goes along with that out of your life. Don't worry about the things you can't control.

phmh posted 1/17/2021 13:03 PM

Agree with the others. Do not send. Write it out and destroy it if it will help you to get it out. They won't care and they will use it against you in some way. It will reinforce in their minds that you are crazy and the cheater was justified in their behavior. Only bad things can come from such an action.

The1stWife posted 1/18/2021 07:17 AM

No contact means you avoid anyone who had anything to do with supporting or encouraging the Affair. Including family members of the cheater if necessary.

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