SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I wanted to wait until after our vacation to deal with it, and now I have to do it. I start shaking and feel physically ill every time I think of it, and I'm scared she's going to answer the phone (I just looked him up and got a number, and I expect it's the home phone number). I told my WH I was going to, and although he swears she told him her husband knew months ago, he wasn't exactly supportive, but said I need to do what I need for healing. Ugh. I have a counseling appointment today (first one) and I'm trying to decide whether to do it before or after. This sucks. I would much rather be calling her, but after looking at his facebook page, they are trying to get pregnant. I sure as hell wish someone would have told me before I got pregnant!

If your appt. is early in the day, wait until after. Get moral support from the IC first. But if your appt. is later in the day, you're just going to make yourself sick anticipating it.

Make sure you are in a quiet, private place when you make the call. I know every single time I try to make an important call, someone walks in and starts talking, or turns the tv up, or my son starts playing his electric guitar at high volumes. When you make this call, you don't want to be distracted.

If she answers, I'd just say I had the wrong number (altho caller ID ruins that in this tech age, doesn't it?)

Good luck. Keep us informed how it goes.

I had the same feelings, so I sent a letter addressed to BH, and he got it. I knew if I called, even if he answered, that I would stumble over my words and not say what I wanted/needed to say appropriately. I was a coward, but it worked for me. Good luck (((deepbreaths))) - You're doing the right thing.

thanks for your support. My appoint is at noon, so I think I'm going to do it after. I would much rather write a letter, but then I would forever wonder if he got it. I'm going to block my number for sure.

Good luck. You are doing the right thing. Let us know how it goes. Be strong, you can do it.

Good luck to you. I agree with feelsoright about finding a quiet, uninterupted place to make the call. You might also want to make notes of what you what to make sure you remember to say. When you are on the phone your emotions may overwhelm you and you might not say everything you want to. This way you have a "checklist" type of approach. Good luck.

I made that call. He was furious with her, but thankful and caring towards me. He later gave me info I needed. They are D now and I am glad I told him. He had no idea and would probably still be living in the dark.

Good luck, it isnt easy but it's the right thing to do!

Good luck, please keep us updated on how it goes!

Yes...do it...her husband deserves to know...I put off telling OM's wife. Although I looked forward to the day when I would, because I knew that day would come, as he caused me so much pain...but he passed away unexpectantly a couple of weeks ago, and cut me out of that joy...and on a side note his wife was posting what a great father and wonderfull husband he was...so I guess now that he has passed we will let sleeping dogs lie.

You're doing the right thing, Deepbreaths. We're all here for you.

Sending you strength.

I called the MOW's BH right after d-day. Turns out that he was a very nice guy and..I also found out that he already knew about the LTA and was planning on D!

I wish he had told me .... it would have saved me so much additional grief.

You're doing the right thing.

He deserves to know.

Agreed that your doing the right thing!

My WW had two AP's. One wife seemed to rugsweep while the second wife was very grateful for the call.

You too would probably want to know if the roles were reversed. I know I would!

Good luck!

I tried and got no answer. I'm sure she's going to be freaking out bc I blocked my number. I do wish I had known- I'm pregnant now (I can't believe WH would PLAN that with me while doing this) and I know I wouldn't be if I had known. I feel so silly though bc I did get a few calls from a blocked number a few months ago, but every time I would answer (or have my husband answer), they would hang up. It was probably him. I decided I am going to send her an email too, but after I contact her husband. I want to confirm her knowledge that she is indeed a piece of shit.

That sounds like a plan.

Let her get worried about the blocked number....

but you should try not to stress out too much (easier said than done I know).

Stay strong deepbreaths and sorry you find yourself here. It was the best thing I did and helped to piece things together as we've stayed in contact for months to track these two.

Sucks to have that kind of support, but it has helped. Definitely reach him first before sending her the email as she will spin a story if she knows you are trying to get to him.

Keeping you in my thoughts today. I can't imagine doing what you are doing. WF's ex that he cheated so much with is in an open relationship so her boyfriend does not care one bit. And this last ho was single. And found out yesterday she is jamacian(sure go for someone exotic, talk about making me feel plain) and 5'7. He always said he wanted someone taller and slimmer and small boobs. Seems he found the ho of his dreams in her when it came to looks. Sorry for the rant, still trying to process.

Do what you need to do to feel the most comfortable. (((HUGS)))

Honestly? I think having the opinion that she isn't worth your communication is much better your mental state. She'll just spew shit to try to justify what she's doing. Let her husband know - either by phone or mail. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, especially now.

ugh! still no answer. I wish I could just get this over and done. I drove by her house and she was standing outside. I want to ask her if she thought she looked sexy in her cut off shorts and plaid shirt when I email her to freak her out a little. I appreciate the input to not bother with her, but I feel like it's what I need to give myself closure with her, and to focus on my own life. I am the better person here, and apparently the one with better fashion sense for my figure too(not saying much because I've been waiting for my mother to do an intervention for years). I'm pretty sure that she's an emotional train wreck, so I doubt she will have much to say to me in return. My only concern is that she may tell people around our small town, which would not only be embarrassing to me and my husband, but could hurt him at work as well.

They probably don't answer calls from numbers they don't recognize. Especially if they are having any money problems. I have a family member that screens all calls to avoid debt collectors.

You have enough posts- check out the ITips forum and look into Spooftel. Maybe you can call from a number they'd answer.