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my husband left today. house looked a mess and he didnt take everything of his. he DID take my $3K I just put in there from work to pay for home taxes and lawyer. I just gave him $1800 in cash for braces end of May. plus I sold my engagement ring to put that money in safe. OMG what do i do? how do I get this money back? he refuses to respond to calls or texts. I am seriously ready to track his ass down but i cant do much, can I?

UPDATE: my friend spoke w him. he wants nothing to do with me, expects me to sue him for the money and wont tell anyone where he's going. no clue what state or anything.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 8:30 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

I'm no expert, but have you called the police yet? Do you know where your H may have gone?

yes called them and him. police say its marital property and they cant do anything. seek atty and get money back. (pay money to get money)

called, texted and emailed him. no answer. told him police were called about money too.

Okay, I posted in your other thread also.

This tells you that he is a POS. I am so glad that you are divorcing him, I mean my wh can be a ASS, but he would not steal from me...

This loser of a H of yours, I feel, he used the shit out of you. You gave him a roof over his head, was his maid, he never worked, slept all day and was dead weight.

This SOB now took your money, this is not a MAN this is a EVIL FUCKER who just took you to the cleaners basically. He knew this would hurt you, he knows calling your ex may hurt you. He is out to fuck your life up because he is fucked up.

I am so pissed off for you right now .

Please never take his dirtwad back. You can not fix this rodant of a person. He is below roaches and scum, shit even a roach has better thinking skills then him.

I am so sorry! Just remember his grass will grown brown and no one will be there to water it for him.

And now you know he was never your friend... sorry honey.

found a loop hole, he bought an SUV while married. so i own half that. (i also paid for his ins) and if he doesnt return money, he will have to pay me $5K for it, plus half the money, plus half the bills.

how do I do the bills when waiting seperated? only pay min? cause I have always paid everything in full each month. never ever pay only mins. i dont want bad credit.

any insight is helpful. i cant afford a lawyer right now other than someone who does free consults. honestly we had NOTHING to divide to use attys for. no kids, other than car nothing shared. he's been here less than a yr so I may owe him some equity in house? so $1K LOL

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 3:15 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

thanks faithful, I see all that now too. oh I see it. and I finally cried hard today. i will be mad at myself later. right now I cannot believe he stooped that low. i cannot believe he stole from me when he had a place here and then his teenager was just here for 2 weeks too and i bought all the food and clothing for her :/

When I moved out, I took my name off all the bills that I could. I explained that we were seperated.

However, we are still on cars and home together. But, that is here nor there. I pay my car and he pays his. He pays house note and I pay my rent. That works for us for now. However, I told him he would need to refinace the home because I would like to get my own one day. And same with cars.

As long as you pay the minimums every month, they'll be reported as "paid as agreed". If he's on any of your cards - take him off immediately. Take him off your joint account - better yet open your own.

^^^^Agreed!

let me state, he did pay me some money each month. but bills were about $2500 and he gave me from $700-1000 depending on month.

he has always been really protective of money, his food and such. it was weird. so when I wanted to sell the engagement ring, he wanted it. he wanted the money or the ring if we broke up cause it was his money! i sold that and got the savings money but like I said, he stole the money. who knows how much he had in his safe. im so mad I gave him $1800 for braces of my hard earned money!!

we have about $3500 in bills due next month. this doesnt include mortgage or taxes, just regular cards and electric/water.

I have had to pay minimums, I've had to pay less than minimums, I've had to skip months & get shut-off notices. It's horrible, it's humiliating, it's what has to be done to keep our heads above water & keep the mac 'n cheese on the table to fill our bellies.

Yes, your credit rating may take some hits. But utilities & creditors are usually very understanding if you call them up & explain the situation. I know it's hard to make those calls, but I know that if you do make them you'll be able to get by until things look up for you.

Remember that debt will get divided just like any assets. So take your name off any debt that is in his name that you don't anticipate having to absorb after the division. Any debt you know you will be stuck with keep paying to keep your credit out of the toilet. Start doing your homework now and work out your strategy for the division (what assets you have, their market value, all debts, etc.). Research the divorce laws in your state to see what you are facing and what will be required. Most court houses have a wealth of "do it yourself" information, as well as possibly on their website.

Get angry at this pig fucker and start taking aggressive, proactive steps. Don't bother trying to track him down about the money because if he was low enough to do that he won't respond.

Time to put on the bitch boots and kick some lazy, freeloading, thieving ass!!

One more thing - if you're on any of his cards, take yourself off.

Honestly, i would call all the places that you can and explain the situation. You would be suprised at how many will work with you.

After that, take your name off as much as you possibly can - if you are not attached to it then its not your problem.

everything is in my name. no joint bank acct. so he is walking around with $4500 in his pocket right now. his car was paid in $11,000 cash. his name is on title but bought when married.

we only had one card joint and already canceled it.

so the bills I am speaking of are just cause he was here. charge cards in my name that I paid for travel, misc house stuff, food, etc. I do not know if they will split that, water and electric and computer connection. will they?

i have owned the home 8 yrs and so he has been married to me only 7 months. will they make me pay him equity? if thats the case, I think he has to pay 1/2 mortage and taxes while still married.

adding: been married and divorced here prior. we did it prosee w no issues. cost me $300 i think. but he was cival, we split everything cause he asked an atty if that was what he had to do and they said yup, you gotta pay half. so he just did it! this ass thinks he deserves everything hes ever paid while living here i guess.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 3:55 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

Find an attorney with a free consult and ask him/her your questions (write them down so you don't forget). That will give you a better idea of where you stand.

If he has any cards in your name, report them stolen and get new ones. Then file for D immediately before he takes anything else from the home or runs up any debt. It might seem bad now, but if you cut your financial ties quickly you can rebound from this and it will keep it from getting much worse.

2 different lawyer consults set up. one tomorrow and one next week. both free. I will just ask if I can recoup money and what he is entitled to and what he and I have to pay.

thank god no kids involved. in fact we just had a miscarriage and I am still upset over that.

seriously feel like my life just got thrown off a bridge.

thank you for your support and words. my littles get picked up in a bit so I just have the older ones. we will go to dinner to get some air and hopefully forget a bit. they know I am upset so one teenagers been helping alot while I make calls.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 4:24 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]

I'm really sorry, life's too short.

And am going through similar things. STBX was lifting stuff out of our house and then basically gloated at me saying "I took that right out from under your nose!" I knew every item gone, but what am I to do as 5 foot 1 and pregnant and he's 6 foot 2 and angry?

When he left, he snuck out in the middle of the night and each and every bill, including the mortgage, was very, very late-and he never told me to my face.

He also left our 9 year old at the time a "dear john" letter without my knowledge and I woke up to her screams.

Anyway, I can relate to your feelings, but I did the whole trying to contact him thing when he took off and it got me nowhere but more emotion-so it may be beneficial if you can figure out how to work with your nerves and stop contacting him?

I've had to learn in the hardest ways of life that this man I loved for 20 years is no longer on my side and not going to help me-only himself, out of jams-your WH sounds the same. When they do it silently, though, it's hard for our hearts and minds to catch up and join back together, yes?

I'm sorry, you don't need a long note right now.

Yes, I agree about looking in the phone book for a lawyer with a free consult-if you can get it in writing do, because I got dooped by one.

And if you could start writing down what's happened, dates and times, it would be proactive even if not used right away. It's something to do while your mind is whirling.

STBX here isn't interested in my stuff, but all he's done is enough to make me worry and lock things like jewelry away.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

One thing I wonder about and has been advised to me is, have you considered changing the locks on your house?

And do you have receipts or notes from any money that's changed hands between you, like the braces money you gave him?

I'm glad you see what an awful person he is now, it only benefits us to not be naïve, but is not easy to learn.

the braces money shows as he paid it in cash. he had no way to pay that. he has very little $ coming in and i dont think he'd lie under oath.

there is no record of the $3K other than some work receipts and the ring sale via ebay. obviously he would show a deposit or something if he had $3K. I literally just put 1K in there last week. kicking self wondering how he got in there and why on earth did I have to leave today!! i would have that money!!

i got 2 names out of the book for lawyers. i have called so many over 16 yrs that i am sure he wont find anyone I havent consulted with if he got a lawyer. what worries me if he is using the money for a lawyer of his own.

gah, i am so mad!

he left me the house keys. i could change the locks but know he wont come back. way he made it sound, he will never ever see me again or speak to me. maybe he'll crash his car and kill himself. that sure would make life easier. f'n idiot.

these things going on now, I saw coming months ago when I begged him to leave but he would not. i could see why his ex was so mad at him and makes his life (and mine) hell. now I see it all. but i got a sparkle thrower for a long time. lots of good things happened with him. alot. but not enough to make this ever ok.

id love to be vindictive back but i just dont have the energy or care to go there.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 4:33 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]