SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Okay, I am going to go right out on a limb here! I have read several posts in my time on SI where the betrayed man seems to be concerned that his WS cheated on him because of the size of his penis. It bugs the hell out of me, because HONESTLY I doubt there has ever been a case in the history of infidelity where the woman cheated on the man because of the size of his dick. Every time I read a post like that I think “Dude, NO, no, no, no the size of your dick had NOTHING to do with it! Having read just such a post a couple of days ago I decided it was time for me to shove my inhibitions aside and do a post where I explain it from a woman’s perspective. I have NO reason to lie… I am never going to have sex with any of you, the size of your junk has no bearing on my life whatsoever, so please, please, please trust me on this, okay?

Size does not matter. Size has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with a woman’s desire to have sex with a man. Society has conditioned women to believe that it is important to make a man feel good and women believe that men like to think that they have big dicks…. So yes, a woman may tell a man “ooh you are so big and it feels good” The truth is that she doesn’t give a big rat’s arse how big your junk is! It is your ego she is more interested in stroking than your cock!

I was once in a group of woman and, fuelled by the liberal intake of vino, we had a discussion about whether we cared about the size of a man’s cock and not ONE of us were even vaguely interested in the proportions of his genitalia. What mattered to us was his technique. And by technique, across the board, we were referring to foreplay.

You can be hung like a donkey (god forbid!) but if you don’t know how to use your fingers gently and yet firmly (and in the right area!), you are not going to make your lady smile. That’s a fact! And guys, I am going to let you in on a little secret….. it would seem that the vast majority of ladies like the oral action. Just saying! In my personal experience, and judging by the comments of that group of ladies that night: it is his willingness to lick that is of far more importance than the size of his dick!

When I was a wayward teenager I had sex with a guy who had the biggest complex ever about the size of his dick. He was smaller than average. He refused to believe me when I said that it made absolutely no difference. The truth was IT MADE NO DIFFERENCE. I guarantee you that to this day he is still obsessing about the size of his dick! The reality was that he was a lousy lover because he was not into foreplay, he was of the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am mentality.

Please believe me that size does not count. Honestly, truly... size does not come into it at all (pardon that really awful pun!)

I can attest to this fact as well.

I am a WW...my H is the largest out of any man I have been with....I still cheated...and penis size was the last of my concerns when I made the choice to cheat.

My SO has a tilted uterus so for her, size does matter. Bigger has caused her pain and has resulted in sex that was not really enjoyable. She says that I am perfect for her.

On a side note, yes foreplay is important. And its about the experience, not just the orgasm. Google tantric sex and there is a lot of good information on that deeper level of connection/intimacy beyond just intercourse.

You can be hung like a donkey (god forbid!) but if you don’t know how to use your fingers gently and yet firmly (and in the right area!), you are not going to make your lady smile. That’s a fact! And guys, I am going to let you in on a little secret….. it would seem that the vast majority of ladies like the oral action. Just saying! In my personal experience, and judging by the comments of that group of ladies that night: it is his willingness to lick that is of far more importance than the size of his dick!

So true! If this thread helps ANY guy here worry less about size, add another voice saying size does NOT matter. The biggest thing is enthusiasm. The best times in my experience have been where both partners were into it - even if actual intercourse wasn't had! It was about putting a smile on each others' faces, about having an awesome time! About being attentive to each other, about getting creative, about laughing. About being in the moment. The turn offs were things like if my partner couldn't stop talking about his amazing ex in bed, or wanted oral on him but not on me, etc. Selfishness. Size was never part of the equation.

Repeat it until it sticks, and block out all the messages to the contrary. Size has NOTHING to do with it.

Okay. Okay. Size does matter...One fellow I knew when I was in my early 20's was hung like a donkey. Poor guy. I could not get my hand around it and NO I'm not a dainty little thing!

I burst out laughing! He shhhhhsushed me and told me not to worry...don't ruin the moment. I just couldn't imagine that inside me.

So, rest assured, you're all pretty much average and being hung doesn't do anything to enrich the experience. Being intimate, taking the time for foreplay, having fun. Those are the most important factors. Those are what make for the best sexual experiences. The caring.

Yes, there is such a thing as TOO big, I can attest. I felt like I was walking around like a bow-legged cowboy after that weekend encounter.

Well, I'd like to believe it...but WSO told me that OM was bigger than me. She chose not to have sexual intercourse with me for years, yet had sex 5 days in a row, morning and night with OM...and she had just met him! I even read facebook messages with her telling him how much she loved his cock, and how good it made her feel when he wad inside her, and she couldn't wait for more.

Jesu, look where that comment came from....a cheating partner that was blameshifting and trying to hurt you.

Don't let that evil woman steal any more time in your brain. size doesn't matter.

Ok, if u read my profile, u will see (to me) that size deff does NOT matter!

My husband was born with bladder exstrophy (no bladder, and genitals split open) there are better terms I am sure. anyway to cut a long story short (pardon the pun) my husband when erect, cannot enter me. His penis is shaped differently and is very short (I would say 2 inches erect! Yep ... that short.

Did it make a blind bit if difference to me ...

Not a dickey bird (pardon the pun!!)

My husband has learnt very well how to be great with his fingers, and his tongue ... he takes his time and makes sure 'I smile' (sometimes scream lol) ...

So no, the size of his penis doesn't matter!

to me ...

But to him, its the bee all and end all!

Its the pain of his life, its one of the reasons he ended up having cybersex with other women, the need to feel like a real man.

Would I change him physically?

Never!!!

Ever!!!!

Size does not matter. My WBF is below average and I can have an orgasm every time.... I've been with bigger before him and to be honest, I think the sex between us is the best sex I've had because it is intimate. The way he looks into my eyes is such a turn-on. You don't have to have a big penis to have great sex! Truth!!

This is so true!

Jesu, if she told you OP was bigger than you, I can guarantee you she only told you that to hurt you. Whether it was true or not, decent women would NEVER say that to a man that she loved. Just like a decent man would not tell a woman that "she looked fat in those jeans".

I even read facebook messages with her telling him how much she loved his cock, and how good it made her feel when he wad inside her, and she couldn't wait for more.

and that ^^^^^^nonsense is bullshit too...it's just her stroking his ego because she knows that that's what men want to hear, and she is only saying it because she wants strokes in return (ego strokes that is, not the other kind, lol). In my experience, men want to be told they have big dicks, and women want to be told they are beautiful. It's really quite simple.

[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 8:55 AM, January 3rd (Friday)]

My reaction upon this being the first thing I read this morning...

Well, I'd like to believe it...but WSO told me that OM was bigger than me. She chose not to have sexual intercourse with me for years, yet had sex 5 days in a row, morning and night with OM...and she had just met him! I even read facebook messages with her telling him how much she loved his cock, and how good it made her feel when he wad inside her, and she couldn't wait for more.

Lovely. I saw texts like that, too. But when we talked I heard the exact opposite. "I did things with him I don't do with you because you're so big it hurts. He's got a little one." Yeah. That makes me feel better. Now I'm not emasculated at all...

A woman does not cheat because the OM's dick is big. Most people wear clothes. She wouldn't know how big his dick is until she has already crossed boundaries into an A.

Size truly doesn't matter. Too big is a problem. Enthusiasm, foreplay, and skill..that matters.

My FWH is average, I guess. But I orgasm every single time. He is a beast in bed. His penis size has never been a problem.

Oh the things we say on SI!

What Painpaingoaway said. Men like to be told they have big dicks.

My reaction upon this being the first thing I read this morning...

Same reaction from me when I read it.

I will add though, thanks for posting it ItsaClimb. Being mindfucked by an unremorseful WS for years a can do some serious damage to you. No other way to say it than this post helped get that last little bit of confidence back I needed. Thanks for the post and the responses ladies. I'm far enough along that I no longer have penis envy. It took me almost a year to remember that I had sex with people before I met and married my STBXWW. I actually satisfied them and had satisfied my WW before she decided to step outside of the M.

Thanks. Was nice to read this this morning. Wife reports her AP and I were the same size. She didn't commit adultery to experience a different sized penis. In fact, her AP has a belly on him and is older than me....don't think much of ANY part of him physically attracted her to him initially really.

My use of porn was destructive. Size anxiety was heightened as I viewed it. I am avg....not porn star huge nor teenage boy small. I did this to myself all on my own. Previous GF's nor my wife contributed to me feeling anxious about my avg. size.

Interesting how I can so easily accept and desire the MANY different shapes, sizes, ages of women....and am attracted to most all of the differences, find beauty in most every woman (God knew what he was doing when he created women).....and, yet, be so unaccepting of what 2 inches is or is not with regards to myself. I have researched scientific data on penis size...I am almost absolutely average in penis size when compared to the recorded numbers world wide. Meaning there are men smaller and there are men are bigger....but many men are within plus or minus an inch either side of me.

My wife did not program me to feel this way. I have done it to myself.

This post confirms what my wife lovingly and honestly has told me for almost 20 years....she knows I have desired to be bigger....she loves my size....she orgasms....she did not seek another man out for a different size or shape. She does make mention of thickness and she appreciates that aspect of me...but says above average length really doesn't do anything for her. And I get that too....most sensitivity is within the first 2-3 inches of a womans vagina....clitoral stimulation is key to orgasm.

Too much of my pre-A sex life revolved around technique and the big "O" and not enough around what is mentioned in this post.....true intimacy.

Both my wife and I have FOO issues that block intimacy.

I sometimes wonder if my fixation on my size, combined with my desire to be a better TECHNICAL lover was a way for me to avoid the really scary-to-me act of really connecting and growing true intimacy with my wife. I wonder if my fear of abandonment was influencing me to think "if I just have fun with my wife, when she leaves I wont get as hurt as I did when my Dad dropped out of my life at age 12". I know this is ignorant logic....but I am really starting to think this was a factor within me.

Most of my life I have lived with this underlying feeling that things that "comfort" me will one day instantly vanish....and I need to prepare for that. Except....you can't prepare for that. You can't control how other people will or will not interact with you.

To be intimate with someone, really truly intimate you are choosing to show true love to that person. You are saying to them "Babe, you are worth the risk to connect with. I am willing to risk being very hurt by you by moving past the "technical, romantic, surface level, initial" phase of love and into the "here is ALL of me, lets do this" realm."

Neither my wife nor I knew how to do that pre-A. We did our very best, we were ignorant to influences within us, but we fell short of true intimacy. We both felt something was missing...but didn't get much further than that into "discovery". Then my wife choose to have an A. It was more of the same, really.....surface level, romantic, showing only the best parts of you to another. She could have kept her AP and D me. She could have repeated her intimacy-limiting cycle. She didn't. I could have D her and found another woman who would have initially been flattered and grateful for a "great man like me"....but I would have repeated my same initimacy limiting cycle. But I didn't.

It is shocking how this journey reveals immaturity and insecurity within us....immaturity and insecurity that WE create for OURSELVES! Immaturity and insecurity that we are reluctant, nervous, lack ability, ???, to face until we absolutely have no other choice.

Kind of nice to read a non-affair specific post like this.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 10:32 AM, January 3rd (Friday)]

Long before I met my FWH I had a boyfriend who was hung like a horse and it hurt like hell. Needless to say one time was all he got; I'm not into pain and my bruised insides took days to recover.

I prefer men to be more decently proportioned and I do feel sorry for those guys very well endowed, unless of course they meet a gal with a comparably large and long vagina. There must be some ladies out there who qualify.

I agree with everything you said ItsaClimb. Really, men, it isn't the size it is the technique's and foreplay that make a good lover. Also, having true, meaningful real life intimacy is the most satisfying part in sexual encounters.

That being said, there is a small group of women that actually do prefer large penis's. I was stunned one day here at SI when this subject came up. One BW waxed on and on how she loved big penis's and loved to be "stretched". Yeah, feeling like I just gave birth to a baby is not sexually arousing to me At. All.

Be assured, men, that this is a very, very small group of women.

Also, most all women know that to praise a guy's dick is some of the best ego kibbles out there. This is especially true for OW's. Women also know that the quickest way to undermine a man's self confidence and to hurt him is to denigrate his package.

In bed, a man with self confidence (not too much!) and an interest in pleasing his partner is the "biggest" turn on for women, imo.