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on our dead-end street Saturday afternoon. Literally.

Short version of my story…married 40 years, no R, staying for financial/health insurance reasons. Sadly, I did not find SI till years after A so I did much wrong that cannot be changed at this point.

The only affair I have proof of is online (2/2003) with female he met on Yahoo games that supposedly lives out of state. I have strong circumstancial proof of several others (mostly coworkers) dating back to the military years (retired 1996) and totally impossible to prove… including one woman that invited herself to my oldest daughter’s high school graduation in 2000.

To set the current scene a bit, we live at the end of a dead-end street (pretend our street is the long part of a capital letter “T”). At one end of the top of this “T” is a local convenience store and at the other end is a major chain grocery store.

We were watching the Olympics Saturday afternoon and suddenly WH jumps up and says he has to go check the mail. We have community locking mailboxes which are just out of sight of our front window (half block). The way WH had been sitting he could see directly out this front window.

In a minute or two he comes back in the house and shouts something up the stairs (split-level house) and then I hear his car start and leave. Less than five minutes later he returns. I asked what he had shouted about as I could not make out what he said.

WH said unknown woman (someone he has seen “around”) with an arm full of groceries came up to him at mailbox and asked him to give her a ride home. He walked back home, got the car and evidently did as she requested. ??!!! He says she lives near the convenience store and he was gone just about long enough to make this statement true. He further says it appeared she had been to the major chain grocery store near us.

I am absolutely livid on more than one level. Why on earth would someone with their arms full of groceries walk up a dead end street that takes them further from home? And why on earth does he expect me to believe any of this?

WH has been behaving even more strangely than usual in the last week or two. He insisted we spend all weekend at the movies two weekends ago. He took a day off work this week and wanted both of us to stay in bed all day. And,pardon my french, he has been horned up all week.

I believe this woman was coming up the street (minus groceries) and WH saw her and headed her off at the pass. So did I almost have another D-day…or what?

yes

My guess is that the grocery story is bullshit. She was coming to your house to confront after he either dumped her or told her to cool it for a while so he could pretend with you. That also explains being away at the movies all day.

Stay vigilant, wierd behavior is a sign.

So sorry you are dealing with this.

I would say yes.... or you are close to it! Keep an eye on this situation!!!!!!

If you have been intimate, I would get STD tested if I were you.

To me it sounds like OW was coming to your house to Blow. It. Up.

At the very least, Giant Red Flag.

I'm so sorry, but I have to agree with everyone else. She was almost certainly the OW. Weird behavior, and your H's was really weird, is a major red flag. Keep your eyes and ears open. She will probably try it again.

I agree with the others about this woman being an OW. I think you DID have a DDay, you're just not calling it that.

So did I almost have another D-day…or what?

Yes, he saw her coming and headed her off before she got to the house.

and from this:

WH has been behaving even more strangely than usual in the last week or two. He insisted we spend all weekend at the movies two weekends ago. He took a day off work this week and wanted both of us to stay in bed all day. And,pardon my french, he has been horned up all week.

sounds like she has been making threats and he was trying to keep you occupied.

[This message edited by sparkysable at 1:07 PM, February 10th (Monday)]

I keep close watch on our finances and I see WH got gas while taking his new friend home Saturday...at the major grocery chain in the opposite direction from where he told me he went.

Makes me wonder if she works at this store.

I agree he has been ducking and dodging for a while. He did not even want to get out of bed to eat on that day he took off and certainly would not have answered the door.

I just don't know why do the duck/dodge and then tell me about this woman. He could have just told me he was going to check mail and get gas and I would never have asked any questions. Almost did not ask for clarity on the shout from downstairs.

Plus, if she knows where he lives he cannot possibly head her off permanently. He does go to work occasionally, but I am home all the time.

WH has booked a trip to Hawaii for the end of the month...one I begged him to cancel because we cannot afford it. I will have my 59th birthday while there. I now wonder if there is an ulterior motive and I will get hit with some unpleasant info while there.

I may be back in JFO when I get back.....Sigh...

P.S. My doctor knows my situation and keeps close tabs on my sexual health. Thankfully, WH is only semi-capable (with me at least) therefore contact is limited.

He sounds like a liar, liar, pants on fire.

Hope you get the proof you need, but honestly? It'd be better if he weren't putting you in this situation to begin with. He probably told you some crap story about a lady with groceries in case you were watching from the window. He might have thought you saw him drive off with her or something and wanted to head you off at the pass by lying, making it seem he was being honest. Another form of lying is when there are TOO MANY details, and his story stinks.

Shame on him.

or...he was afraid that someone saw him with her in the car, or he did see someone he knows and is trying to cover his tracks.

Just remember, where there is smoke, there is fire. 100% of the time.

UPDATE:

Vacation is over. No bombs dropped. However, my radar is still pinging.

I have noticed a local cell number that continued to text my WH during vacation…not often, but the only texts he received. I do not recognize this number and he never mentioned the texts. Hypocritical at minimum since he seemed irritated when I texted with my sister.

With my return home it was time to catch up on my Quicken for February. While doing so I paid closer attention to a cash receipt WH brought home. It was for the day AFTER he picked up the woman on our dead end street (in original post I thought gas purchase was same day...I was wrong). I knew he had gone for gas @ the chain grocery nearest us which he sometimes does. The cash receipt shows the purchase of TWO bottles of water. ??? This store is literally two minutes from our house which has CASES of bottled water. Receipt shows he went through the register five minutes before he purchased gas (love dated/time stamped receipts). Further reinforces my opinion that this female works at or near grocery store. I am VERY surprised he brought this receipt home because he knows I pay close attention. I am keeping my mouth shut in hopes of further slip-ups…lesson learned on SI.

Prior to noticing the receipt I had begun thinking about WH recent carpooling experience. WH works for major corporation that offers carpooling options and a lot of people in our neighborhood work for this same company. WH has always refused to look into any carpool option. Suddenly, just before Christmas, he tells me he is going to begin carpooling with the male coworker that I call his wingman…primary facilitator of many things. Sadly this idiot lives two blocks away from us (moving here during A timeframe) and the continued friendship is one of the BIG reasons R is not happening. “Carpooling” only lasted 6-8 weeks…not long considering WH had two weeks of vacation during this time…and WH seemed to do slightly more driving than wingman. No comment made as to why carpooling ceased. I never saw the vehicle that picked him up…I avoid wingman like the plauge and would not know if he has changed vehicles (other than has probably added new one with recent second marriage).

Especially interested in responses on "carpool" situation.

Real good. This sounds like a horrible way to live. Of course he's messing around I'd bet my lunch on it.

Why do you feel you have to stay? You are allowing this emotional abuse to continue based on an assumption of financial and insurance issues?

If you have not seen an attorney ever or within the last year please do so. I think you are selling yourself short. If you have health issues and are unable to work youoat likely are going to qualify for disability &/or Medicaid. Plus if you haven't worked you should be able to get spousal support.

I just don't get staying in a relationship where you tolerate this know there is no real R and still sleep with him. Yuck.

I dont mean to sound harsh. But really you deserve more out of life. Time to start getting it.

wow girl,you missed the visit from the ow,by a thread.....girl he is having an affair....you got those infections from him....he has been doing behind your back for a long time....wow think about this,do you want to die from a bad disease your cheating husband gives you...uuugggghhh...don't let him touch you....if you can just hire a private detective...and look into your finances in the event he drops the'i love you but im not in love with you' speech....stay very ,very alert girl 'there is a storm coming'

Yep, he headed her off at the pass. Get ready, she will probably

be making contact in the near future. If she had the balls to come to your home...oh boy. I'm sorry your in the shit again. I hope we,are all wrong but unfortunately it doesn't seem like it.

((realgood2u))

Yeah he's up to his old tricks.. dont wonder about it. Its a fact just like the earth is round. You could find name from phone number and track her down. Maybe she doesn't know about you or he is telling her lies about your relationship or she is pregnant..but that is so hard on you. I say just let go. If you feel the need to stay married then just tell him you know. Then have sep. bedrooms and be friends only. Live your own life, gather friends or family around so you aren't co dependent on him and just emotionally detach from him. Be roomates. If you can and want to break away then go for it girl! You need not question.. he is up to no good and you have every right to walk away no explanation necessary.