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My WW has been having sex with a coworker in parking lots, my house, and other places since December. I caught them on July 19th (First D-Day)

I get the impression she hates me, she hates her family, she doesn't even really want the OM, he has 4 kids and numerous girlfriends. The main GF, he lives with and she takes care of his kids.

The only thing she loves is her job. They would not tolerate in-company sexing, especially in company vehicles, while they are supposed to be "Working"

Anyway, someone, somehow must have blabbed, because WW told me last night that her boss made her sign a paper saying that consequences of fucking around with co-workers is termination.

She knows I know a whole lot about the A, and it wouldn't take much to convince her bosses that she has straight up lied to them.

What I want to know is, should I drive the final nail home? Should I expose tho both of them?

Believe me, I want to, afterall, I lost what I loved most due to her actions, shouldn't she from mine?

I can't bring myself to do anything, until recently, when she D-dayed me again, with new information about how often they had sex, that they had sex in my own house while my daughter was sleeping, how the A started not even two weeks after my father died, etc.

I have a rage building in me in light of this new information, and I seem to always ask myself, "Why don't I get that whore fired? What do I owe her? Why should they be let off the hook so easily? See knew what the risks where, but she decided she would deal with the consequences later on."

What would you guys suggest to me in this situation?

Really having a hard time with this.

[This message edited by LoveIsDead at 10:23 PM, August 18th (Monday)]

Personally I would fry her and her OM. But that is me.

If for some reason you absolutely cannot live without her paycheck to contribute, then you might want to reconsider, but that would be the only reason I wouldn't out them.

My one regret is that X had already retired from the military by the time I found out about the A he started right before he retired.

Good luck.

I know that being betrayed sucks but I suspect that you have more to lose if you step in her shit pile. We can play this out.

You convince her boss and she gets fired. If she figures out it is you and you wanted to R then you've just set yourself back 20 steps. If she figures out it was you and you are ready to D then she'll probably be looking to hurt you back in the settlement. If she doesn't figure out it was you and you want to R then your family is now dealing with a loss of income and a spouse that is distraught. If she doesn't figure out it was you and you are divorcing then she no longer has an income and you might have to pay spousal support.

I am not seeing any great benefits in the long run.

It would certainly be tempting to out them to their boss. But consider the pros and cons before you do anything, like are you dependent upon her financial contribution to the family or such? Are you going to try and R? I'd burn the bed too or get rid of it!

There will be no R. I have retained a lawyer, and as far as WW is concerned, the whole A was to get me to divorce her. She doesn't say it, but you should see the look on her face when I scare her by saying I'm thinking of calling off D, and trying to R. She wants D, I know it in my heart.

Currently, we are living apart, but we are working on selling, or me buying her out of the house.

What about after the D? Should I get her for all of this, or let it go? I personally don't care what harships she will have to endure to her when we are no longer tied together. Besides, she still works with OM, if I can get both of them, what is stop me?

I don't know why I shouldn't, but I don't know why I should

[This message edited by LoveIsDead at 10:43 PM, August 18th (Monday)]

Get your D first.

Ask your attorney

WHat they did to me is wrong, but not illegal. What I would do to them is wrong, but not illegal. A lawyer's advice will ne swing my mind either way.

She is a good employee, she wouldn't have a problem getting another job. In the begining, I asked her if she would quit her job due to working with OM. I asked for transperacy, and she told me NO on both accounts. She is most likely hiding the A from me still. She says she isn't seeing him anymore, but why should I believe her? Her rep in my eyes is worthless.

Don't do ANYTHING until after the divorce is actually finalized. She might actually get more child or spousal support if she is unemployed.

When everything is final, decide if you still want to waste time letting her enter your thoughts by going to her employer.

Chances are you won't have to report her though. It sounds like the other employees who are probably picking up the slack while those 2 are off fornicating in the parking lot will take care of it.

Josephine, you have a good point. I tell everybody what happened, so they don't get to hear the 'boo hoo' watered down version from WW.

It's a small town, and sooner or later, somebody will give them what they deserve.

But still, what if I sit on my hands, and nothing comes to light at her work? What if they are able to continue this little romance behind everybodie"s back?

Of course, I personally don't want to see these two coming out smelling like a rose, when my entire family's world was destroyed by their actions...

Is there no justice in the world anymore?

Don't do ANYTHING until after the divorce is actually finalized. She might actually get more child or spousal support if she is unemployed.

Ditto Josephine85.

Her employer must suspect something, why did he have her sign that document?

I think the employers suspect something, but I don't know if these two have them snowed or not. Strike while the irons hot.

I know something is going on. She is blaming me for her betters 'finding out" already. I had nothing to do with it. My family say they had nothing to do with it.

I believe it was one of OM's girffriends who is pulling on the strings. I wish I could locate the GF OM is living with and having her take care of his kids while he is out there screwing my wife!

[This message edited by LoveIsDead at 10:57 PM, August 18th (Monday)]

LoveIsDead,

I understand the desire for revenge, but it looks like plenty of people already know and have been dropping not-so-subtle hints to her about it. It's not worth the damage it would do to YOU.

So if you do it now, she gets canned, a judge orders you to pay more because she's unemployed. Get the D then let her have it!!

Is there no justice in the world anymore?

Not when it comes to infidelity.

Yep it all sucks. My caution would be not to betray yourself in the name of revenge.

Do you have kids?

The best revenge is living well.

What drives my STBXWW around the bend is when I just don't give a fuck. Almost every time I see her now, she tells me how she's been crying, then gets angry at my flat, deadpan, indifferent face.

Get your divorce first.

I'd wait until after the divorce is final.

But telling his girlfriend that her boyfriend, that she lives with, is cheating on her? She needs to be told. Today. I don't care if your motive *is* revenge...she deserves to know what is going on, regardless of your reason for telling her.

How to tell her? call her. No email or voicemail. He knows you know so he has been watching for you to tell her. He will intercept anything you send her. Call her. Be kind. Stick to the facts and keep your (accurate) opinion of her WBF to yourself. If you start in on him, she will naturally want to defend him...and when she confronts him, it will lend credibility to the story he will tell her..that you are a crazy, abusive, jealous STBXH of a coworker, who is calling everyone his wife works with accusing them of an affair with his wife. So stay calm. Offer to send her a copy of any and all evidence you have.

But..wait for the divorce before you out her to her boss.

It sounds like at least one of them pissed someone off at work. Why not let nature take it's course, and laugh when it happens? Just satisfaction with no guilt....

Desire for revenge eats you up inside. Actual revenge runs risks of hurting yourself. Wait. It'll be better for you to see if the desire dies as you heal.

A great deal of satisfaction can be gained from this, but I say NO! Your happiness no longer depends on her or her suffering. We are so much better than this and we have to hold ourselves above the shit storm that they create.

I'll offer a more logical answer...No job means no money. That means more alimony and/or child support. Who really comes out on top in that situation?