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General :
Esther Perel’s bogus credentials

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 hpv50 (original poster member #39703) posted at 3:23 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

Have you ever cringed upon reading something Esther Perel has written or said? Felt frustrated as your (or your WS’s) therapist quoted her? Infuriated that her take on affairs is now quoted more often than Shirley Glass’s?

Well guess what? She’s not really a psychologist! The highest degree she holds is an MA in expressive art therapy from Lesley College in Massachusetts, which is arguably a third tier school.

Her LinkedIn profile states she’s a psychologist; so does numerous press articles. And...that violates New York State law, where you must hold a doctoral degree to be licensed and call yourself a psychologist. Her wiki page conveniently leaves off her certifications; I’m sure she’d like it all buried.

Now maybe this doesn’t matter to you, as someone can be a decent therapist without a degree - but to me, it makes a world of difference. Psychologists undergo years of school and training. You learn to think critically, and how to use statistics and employ rigorous methodology before drawing conclusions. And she’s not just quietly practicing therapy, she’s writing books and putting herself out there as an expert when she only holds a degree in expressive art therapy, whatever that is.

It also really bothers me that I had to dig so much to discover her true credentials; the popular press treats her as the equivalent of Shirley Glass, who was truly a psychologist who applied some serious rigor to her work.

So other than feel validated that she has quack level credentials, I for one have written to the NY state licensing board for violating the law on her linkedin page. Perhaps nothing will come of it, but taking action makes me feel better.

[This message edited by hpv50 at 9:25 AM, November 5th (Sunday)]

Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 53, covert NPD/ BPD
married 19 years, 3 kids
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13
Status: relocated my happy; hanging in there for now

posts: 587   ·   registered: Jun. 29th, 2013
id 8016402
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Frankiesbeads ( member #60232) posted at 3:26 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

I’m not a fan of hers at all. Sure, my mind appreciates some of what she has too share, but I find she’s an infidelity apologist. That she does place blame on the betrayals for the cheaters choices.

I hope this gets cracked wide open. Because a liar standing up for liars...no surprise really.

BS myself (48)
WH (45)
Married 18 years
DD 04/19/17
TT DD 05/23/17
Separated 04/20/21

posts: 186   ·   registered: Aug. 19th, 2017
id 8016407
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 3:29 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

Ether peril strikes again!

BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer

posts: 13534   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Washington State
id 8016410
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Oftencheatedon ( member #41268) posted at 4:41 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

She's just another liar.

posts: 1274   ·   registered: Nov. 7th, 2013   ·   location: AL
id 8016451
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Hippo16 ( member #52440) posted at 6:53 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

What I know about E.P. is what I have read that people have posted on this board. That is enough for me to form an opinion.

I first heard it from Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf during a news conference:

BOVINE SCATOLOGY!

There's no troubled marriage that can't be made worse with adultery."For a person with integrity, there is no possibility of being unhappy enough in your marriage to have an affair, but not unhappy enough to ask for divorce."

posts: 986   ·   registered: Mar. 26th, 2016   ·   location: OBX
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kaygem ( member #57956) posted at 9:18 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

She empowers the WS's waaaay too much. Makes it sound like they just needed to "find" themselves. I've wondered if she was a WS herself. She's full of bullshit.

Me: BW
Him: fWH Remorseful, doing the work
Dday-3/17 (ONS's)

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id 8016666
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strugglebus ( member #55656) posted at 10:10 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

She just has ZERO balance. Some of the things she says would be fine but she is too focused on why someone would do this rather than ever talking about the trauma it causes.

That said, lying about her credentials is gross.

My IC mentioned Perel to me since she was reading a book of hers (a new one and had never read her before). I basically shot holes through EP. I wonder how that colored my therapist's reading?

BS -DDay: 9/26/16- Double Betrayal

Happily reconciling.

Be True to your Word. Don't take things Personally. Don't Make Assumptions. Do Your Best.

posts: 2557   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2016
id 8016709
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 hpv50 (original poster member #39703) posted at 10:22 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

I wonder how that colored my therapist's reading?

I think it colored our MC’s views. He has a PhD from Columbia, and thought she was a psychologist who was also on rhe faculty at NYU (per her LinkedIn profile).

He eventually transferred from being our MC to being my WS’s IC (at my encouragement, long story). But I had no idea he was encouraging my WS to read up on Ms Perel, MA. Had he known she was an overrated MA of something not even in psychology, I highly doubt he would have done so. He seemed to be into research studies and whatnot, which clearly she wasn’t qualified to do.

Evidenced-based psychology is increasingly becoming prevalent, and if you bang out books based on trumped up marketing, then no, I don’t think as many psychologists would put her on their reading lists.

Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 53, covert NPD/ BPD
married 19 years, 3 kids
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13
Status: relocated my happy; hanging in there for now

posts: 587   ·   registered: Jun. 29th, 2013
id 8016718
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 10:43 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

Not surprised. Thanks for doing the research.

BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

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Nerissa ( member #48679) posted at 10:55 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

Here is a link to her qualifications.

https://www.aasect.org/find-professional/listing/1/5948

I thought she refers to herself as a psychotherapist, not a psychologist.

I think she has interesting things to say about relationships and sexuality, . Especially with regard to cultural context.

posts: 201   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2015
id 8016738
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devastedone ( member #46585) posted at 11:02 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

For what it's worth-

Esther Perel is a LMFT-licensed marriage and family therapist. You obtain this degree after getting a master's degree in psychology (MA-art therapy was probably a specialty), working under supervision in the field for a year or more (each state is different but most require at least 2000 or 3000 hours of supervised work) and sitting for the LMFT exam.

She refers to herself as a psychotherapist-a broad term used by many therapists. As a LMFT, she joins other, qualified individuals who hold like degrees-such as LCPC and LCSW-all equally competent.

I am in the field (I am a LCSW) and know many therapists who have LCSWs, LCPCs, or LMFTs, who are better qualified and more experienced than psychologists. Yes, psychologists do have to obtain a doctoral degree-either a PsyD or a PhD in psychology - but the degree does not necessarily mean they are more competent. That depends solely on the person.

Just clarifying. Technically, she should not allow anyone to call her a psychologist because technically, she is not one.

BS (me)
WS (him)
Married 24 years at DDday
DDay 10/1/14
EA/PA 5 months
DD, DS (16 and 14 on DDay)

Each new day brings the gift of deciding who you are, who you want to be, and who you want to be with you.

In R for now.

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id 8016743
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WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 11:28 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

I made the mistake of sending WH one of her YouTube videos, even though I thought she simplified and made excuses for WS's. I wanted him to focus on some general statements she made. Well don't you know, he listened to it 5 times, then showed up at my door with a pencil and paper and listened to it with me, pausing it after every sentence and taking notes. And naturally he jumped all over the BS was neglectful bandwagon. My mistake.

I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural

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barcher144 ( member #54935) posted at 11:50 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

Meh. PhD's aren't worth much. I learned that when I got one.

Me: Crap, I'm 50 years old. D-Day: August 30, 2016. Two years of false reconciliation. Divorce final: Feb 1, 2021. Re-married: December 3, 2022.

posts: 5419   ·   registered: Aug. 31st, 2016
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 hpv50 (original poster member #39703) posted at 11:52 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

I have two primary concerns:

1. You have to go on a digging expedition to find any of her credentials, and then they often contradict each other. Her wiki page doesn’t list her degrees at all; neither does her Amazon page. She’s not transparent. I am under the distinct impression she’s trying to hide them, so people will think she’s more qualified than she is.

I think this concern is legitimate because press articles often refer to her as a psychologist. While some in the field may feel that the PhD or PsyD may not matter, many of us regular people do care (including those who hold PhDs).

2. Her LinkedIn profile. While in one place, it does use the ubiquitous term “psychotherapist,” at another part on the first page, it clearly says “psychologist Esther Perel is recognized as one of the world’s most original...”

She wrote that profile herself; that’s how LinkedIn works. It’s clearly false. It’s not ok to use the term “psychologist” ever, unless you are licensed in your state and hold a doctoral degree. She does not hold one. I took a screen shot and sent it, along with my complaint, to the State of New York licensing board.

It may seem picky to some, but in my field, you would incur a $1000 fine for calling yourself something you’re not on a webpage - they take it very seriously. I have a friend who was fined for not updating his webpage.

Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 53, covert NPD/ BPD
married 19 years, 3 kids
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13
Status: relocated my happy; hanging in there for now

posts: 587   ·   registered: Jun. 29th, 2013
id 8016782
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latebloomer45 ( member #18021) posted at 11:55 PM on Sunday, November 5th, 2017

She's like Dr. Whora in that regard.

Me: BS 56
Him: FWS 58
Married 32 years
Son-26 Daughter (Who Came out as trans, so now Son)-23,
D-Day #1 12/11/2007
D-Day #2 5/23/2008 fucking trickle truth!
Whatever Threnody said, I concur.

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Nerissa ( member #48679) posted at 8:11 AM on Monday, November 6th, 2017

“I am in the field (I am a LCSW) and know many therapists who have LCSWs, LCPCs, or LMFTs, who are better qualified and more experienced than psychologists. Yes, psychologists do have to obtain a doctoral deg

re e-either a PsyD or a PhD in psychology - but the degree does not necessarily mean they are more competent. That depends solely on the person.”

Where therapy is concerned, I agree with this. A psychology degree isn’t, by itself, preparation for a career in therapy. The training in statistics may be useful in certain areas, but not in supporting people.

She sys she believes affairs to be harmful (she refers to finding emails and texts as ‘death by a thousand cuts’) and says she would no sooner say they help a marriage than she would say a cancer patient in remission has been helped by cancer. She does say recovery is possible and silver linings may appear from the self examination done.

I’m always surprised by the strong anti Perel feeling on this site, especially when she appears intelligent, humane and genuinely to help people while good therapists generally are hard to find and are not very well regulated for quality.

posts: 201   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2015
id 8017066
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yuvas ( member #59339) posted at 11:20 AM on Monday, November 6th, 2017

I agree nerissa, I’ve listened to her ted talks, podcasts and have read one of her books; Ive not gained the impression that she’s an affair apologist at all. I do get the feeling that she doesn’t believe in demonising the individual though which I actually really like.

posts: 391   ·   registered: Jun. 23rd, 2017
id 8017120
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NoMercy ( member #54563) posted at 11:26 AM on Monday, November 6th, 2017

Doesn't bother me either way.

I have a pretty low opinion of 'therapists' in general, so her credentials really don't mean much to me.

She's said a few things I agree with, but basically, I can't be bothered with her.

Don't cling to a mistake just because you took so long making it.

Some people aren't loyal to you - they are loyal to their NEED of you. Once their needs change, so does their loyalty...

posts: 3940   ·   registered: Aug. 9th, 2016   ·   location: Eastern USA
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sewardak ( member #50617) posted at 11:32 AM on Monday, November 6th, 2017

so. what exactly is her advice for the BS then? Grin and bear it? look for the silver lining in it?

seems like she spends a lot of time on the why. but that never really benefits the BS.

[This message edited by sewardak at 5:32 AM, November 6th (Monday)]

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id 8017127
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Bobbi_sue ( member #10347) posted at 11:54 AM on Monday, November 6th, 2017

You learn to think critically, and how to use statistics and employ rigorous methodology before drawing conclusions.

I've been to some with all the required degrees and they don't necessarily ever learn to think critically. Many of them just quote the jargon they read in some textbook and can't really think for themselves.

Their certifications actually mean little to me. As far as Esther Pererl, I've never read her stuff or listened to her so I have no opinion, but if I did form an opinion it would be based on whether what she says makes sense with what I know from my own experience, education, and living in this world. Of course if she intentionally lies or even illegally lists herself as something she is not, that is definitely a real problem in itself.

PhD's aren't worth much. I learned that when I got one.

I have one and I don't regret it and it is worth something to me. It is not in psychology but I did take a lot of psychology and psychology related courses and do know about research (and how bogus and biased most of it really is).

This is one reason I'm so skeptical about the entire field of psychology. I'm not going to automatically take advice from somebody because they show a license and credentials to be a "psychologist." I think some good friends with common sense and no degree at all are better at this, and a lot less expensive!

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 6:02 AM, November 6th (Monday)]

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