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I was wondering if anyone had any views on whether the MLC affair has different motivations to any other affair? Just curious.......

What difference does it make?

One excuse is just as bad as another.

[This message edited by WornDown at 7:20 AM, February 17th (Saturday)]

Midlife is when many awaken to their own mortality as their bodies are starting to show signs of age and they recognize that time is fleeting. That can be a "crisis" as it provokes an evaluation of the progress made in life and what the prospects for the future are. For some, this brings life into focus and encourages making the most out of every day. For others, it brings a search for significance or even a thought of "what is in it for me? that results in the pursuit of possessions, achievements or even others.

A midlife crisis is just a stage of life. It doesn't cause affairs. Having an underlying character gap that manifests itself in self-centered actions is the real root cause. Midlife may just provide an environment where the self-centeredness is more prone to exhibit itself, but I don't believe that the core motivations for the affair are any different.

MLC causes many As. However I believe there are usually other issues that the cheater ignores.

My H had a MLC EA. He was convinced he wanted a D.

However he had a long term EA in his 30s. His career was going well and life was good.

The second EA was definitely more impacted b/c he was unhappy. Career and age and status etc. it was all his unhappiness.

A MLC A is very different than a serial cheater or Sex Addict.

Just my opinion.

I love this question.

It makes me ask why I had my A while in my 50's and why I didn't have one earlier. For me, I think, the fact that the children have left the house was a big deal. Once the kids were gone it felt like the protective blanket that once surrounded our tight family and home has slipped some.

2Survivr, do you have children?

My AP was close to my age.

For a minute I can't understand why your H would throw his life away for someone less than half his age. That boggles my mind.

It may help explain an A, but it does not excuse it. It is still cheating.

What difference does it matter?

It's still cheating.

Having a MLC doesn't give you the excuse to cheat.

k9

I cringe when “midlife crisis” is used as rationale for cheating. Yes, midlife carries emotional challenges/issues, but these can arise at any time in life. That they tend to appear at a certain time is absolutely irrelevant.

We don’t hear about “ovulation affairs” (when there IS biological imperative!), or “menopause crisis” (which involves reaching the same crossroads—or similar—men reach, and grappling with many of the same developmental issues).

The issues that arise in midlife are issues like all others. They do not compel infidelity any more than ovulation or menopause or any of a thousand other things—male or female.

I cringe when “midlife crisis” is used as rationale for cheating.

Me too, a couple of years ago my WH was 55 and had lost some weight and just bought a new pair of jeans. When he put them on and showed them to me I said. They look nice. He then gets angry and goes into the bedroom slamming the door. I couldn't figure out what made him so mad and he wouldn't tell me. Then he tells me he is going though a MLC and I said you are beyond midlife unless you think you are going to live to be 110. He also looked into getting his first tattoo (which he never got)

Last year we visited his cousin who had just gone through a divorce. She said her husband was 54 years old and they had been married 28 years when he said he was going though a MLC which it turned out he was having an affair with a 24 year old. I said "Yes some men use the MLC excuse to cheat on their wives with younger women to boost their self esteem" as I'm looking at WH who avoids my eyes.

Two years later my WH has gained back the weight he lost, is impotent and needs a cane to get around due to his diabetes. His MLC has long been over.

MLC means, to me, forsaking a steel bike for carbon fiber.

Thinking an A with a young wo/man will make you feel younger is just plain stupid. If my W told me she cheated to feel younger, I think I'd have been less likely to want R.

I believe an A is an A.