Hi all,
I've been married for 9 years to my wife, I'm male 37 and she's 34, together for 12 years, have two daughters together 7 and 9. We have our own house and mortgage.
I'm not sure where to start this, so I'll go from the very beginning.
About 10 years ago I started noticing I wasn't getting fully hard down below, perhaps 75-90% fully hard usually? Sometimes completely unable to get an erection, or I'd go soft during sex. Since my early 30's I've only wanted sex usually once every few days on average, rarely every day.
My wife has always had a very high libido, its really crazy. Before we tied the knot I was scepticle about marriage as almost every settled or married man you talk to says how they rarely ever get any sex from their wives after a few years or so of being married. But my wife has rarely ever not wanted it daily other than issues due to pregnancies, sometimes we'd make love the night before and many times she's wanted it again the next morning before going to work.
After our 7y/o was born she started going to the gym again. Then 1-2 years later I noticed her start "checking out" other men when she thought I wasn't looking.
About four years ago she went away to another city for a friends birthday party where they all stayed overnight at an hotel (or so she said). The following evening when we started having sex I could tell by the expressions on her face and body reactions that I was hurting her but I was only going slow and gentle, I didn't click at the time so I stopped and we went to sleep. Looking back I think she probably had sex with another guy.
Then over three years ago she changed her gym routine from Mondays Thursdays 1 to 1.5 hours per day, to Mondays Wednesdays Fridays for 1.5 to 2 sometimes 3 hours per day. Now, cutting a long story as short as possible, I discovered she's been going back to this guys apartment who lives a 5-10 minute walk from the gym. When I first seen her doing this I just didn't know how to feel or what to do, I was devistated and things, my nerves were shot, I was jealous, everything.
She's since been out on at least four dates with him I'm certain of on Friday/Saturday evenings. Late one evening when she arrived home I noticed she wasn't wearing her pantyhose/tights under her dress, this was on a cold evening and she was wearing heels with the ankle straps so its not like she would've taken them off quickly somewhere.
Two months ago I think she may have tried to stop seeing him. She came home excited about these new expensive louboutins heels she said she treated herself with. She handles all of our finances, I've since checked all of our bank accounts and I can't find any transactions across any of them for the heels and we don't carry much cash. So he must've bought them for her.
Now this is the thing. She doesn't appear to be emotionally indifferent when we're together, I mean she doesn't seem any different with me - the love, passion, kissing its all still there all normal (well, usually).
Its been at least three years now with no signs at all of her being bored or distracted about anything. But I feel I'm now kind of over her cheating on me, I'm just scared she might leave me one day for him. I love her more than anything my family is everything to me I don't want to lose her. It hurts a LOT that she's seeing him but half of me stupidly thinks just let her have her fun its "only sex"? hopefully she doesn't truely love him.
I can't tell any friends or work colleages about this as they'd just tell me to leave her or if I don't leave her then they'd lose their respect for me for allowing her to carry on. I just need someone to talk to, so this forum seems a good way for me to let it all out.
Thanks for your time.