SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So as many of you on SI who have been following my story know, this past weekend was the anniversary of the culmination of my WH 's brutal betrayal and the pinnacle of his ugly discard of me after a 30 plus year marriage.

I am so grateful for this forum. The people here literally saved my life. I am 3 months into his driving away (with both of our marital vehicles no less) after I refused to live with any less than full NC with his affair partner and every person who knew about or supported the affair and all secret internet groups and activities. I have survived his actual efforts to end my life including him abandoning me while I was suicidal from the trauma and him handing me a bottle containing a many times fatal amount of medication and telling me to take it.

I am a survivor of infidelity (which I have come to believe is a severe form of sexual violence), TT, false R, the STD test walk of shame, betrayal trauma and late stage lyme. [Yep, he cheated when I was life threateningly sick.]

Listening to music (and singing) has been a big part of the healing work I have had to do to survive. I wonder if anyone wants to share their survivor playlists?

I have two playlists. I have one to hype me up and get ready to go out and kick ass, and I have another for when I'm sad and want to wallow and just cry and cry and cry. Tbh, the wallow-y one helps me more, I think, so I'm gonna post that one, too. Hope that's okay?

Death of Seasons by AFI

The Leaving Song by AFI

This Time Imperfect by AFI

If I Can't Have You by the Bee Gees

Mr. Lonely by Bobby Vinton

Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)? by the Buzzcocks

White Flag by Dido

Jolene by Dolly Parton

I Will Always Love You by Dolly Parton

Suspicion by Elvis Presley and/or Terry Stafford

Mad World by Gary Jules

Tower of Strength by Gene McDaniels

Crazy by Gnarls Barkley

Lonely Teardrops by Jackie Wilson

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted by Jimmy Ruffin

Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

Your Love is My Drug by Kesha

Smile by Lily Allen

Hey Ya! by OutKast

She's Got You by Patsy Cline

Faded Love by Patsy Cline

Strange by Patsy Cline

Creep by Radiohead

Crying by Roy Orbison

I'm Not the Only One by Sam Smith

The End of the World by Skeeter Davis

You Really Got a Hold on Me by Smokey Robinson & the Miracles and/or the Beatles

Stand by Your Man by Tammy Wynette

Head Over Heels by Tears For Fears

Mad World by Tears For Fears

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

Don't Leave Me This Way by Thelma Houston

My World is Empty Without You by The Supremes

(It Looks Like) I'll Never Fall in Love Again by Tom Jones

and lastly (and you have to end on this song)

It's Not Right but It's Okay Thunderpuss Mix by Whitney Houston

At this point hopefully you're all cried out, the last song hypes you up again, you can go wash your face and then go be a force to be reckoned with.

This is my feel good/kick ass playlist to follow up with:

Plain Jane Remix by A$AP Ferg & Nicki Minaj

Bring the Noise by Anthrax

Utopia by Bang La Decks

Womanizer by Britney Spears

Titanium by David Guetta & Sia

Confident by Demi Lovato

Scooby Doo Pa Pa by DJ Kass

Tambourine by Eve

No Limit by G-Eazy, A$AP Rocky & Cardi B

Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger

Makeba by Jain

Bring the Pain by Method Man and/or Mindless Self Indulgence

Get Ur Freak On by Missy Elliott

Chun-Li by Nicki Minaj

Shake Senora by T-Pain, Pitbull & Sean Paul

Lovefool by The Cardigans

Bring 'Em Out by T.I.

Rake It Up Diplo Remix by Yo Gotti & Nicki Minaj

thanks ibonnie!

I'm sure I'll think of more

Sad (when feeling introspective)

Walk Away – Dropkick Murphys (the tune is kick ass but the words rip me to my core)

Reason to Believe – Rod Stewart

To Love Somebody – Bee Gees

Jolene – Dolly Parton

Time for me to Fly – REO Speedwagon

Before he Cheats – Carrie Underwood

Always Drive a Cadillac – Everyly Brothers

Like a Rolling Stone – Bob Dylan

The Hurting – Tears for Fears

Make Me Smile (Come up and See Me) – Duran Duran

Kick A**

Warriors Code – Dropkick Murphys

Rocky Horror Soundtrack – Rocky Horror cast

Listen to her Heart – Tom Petty

The Waiting – Tom Petty

I Hate Everything About You – Ugly Kid Joe

She F**king Hates Me – Puddle of Mudd

You Oughta Know – Alanis Morrisette

Positively 4th Street – Bob Dylan

Another F. U. Song – Reel Big Fish

Fall Back Down – Rancid

Lips are Movin – Meghan Trainor

These Boots are Made for Walking – Nancy Sinatra

I Will Survive – Cake

Dancin’ with Myself – Billy Idol

I Hate Myself for Loving You - Joan Jett

"I Am Not Nothing" by Beth Crowley

"Brave" by Sara Bareilles

"Numb" by Linkin Park

"Not Ready To Make Nice" by Dixie Chicks

"F-in Perfect" by Pink

"People Like Us" by Kelly Clarkson

"Raise Your Glass" by Pink

Oh *will I*. I love music and I've marked dozens of songs to commemorate this terrible occasion. When we split for two months 10 years ago, when I thought she was cheating because all of the same tells were there, a bunch of songs I was listening to at the time were cemented in my brain as "stuff I listened to that time I was devastated when we separated" and during the marital separation, I punished myself by listening to a lot of those songs, too. Then when I got a job I *changed my tune* (I'll see myself out)...

Franz Ferdinand - Fade Together

Franz Ferdinand - Come On Home

Elton John - Sacrifice

Electric President - It's An Ugly Life

Muse - Hoodoo

Muse - Endlessly

The Bravery - Bad Sun

Trentemoller - The Dream

Billy Walker - Funny How Time Slips Away

Big Black Delta - Roost

Santo and Johnny - Sleep Walk

The Black Keys - Weight of Love

Psychic Ills - I Don't Mind

Chris Isaak - Wicked Game

Counting Crows - Long December

Autograf - Nobody Knows

Lorn - Anvil

Barrie - Tal Uno

La Femme - Ou Va La Monde

La Femme - Nous Etions Deux

The M Machine - Tiny Anthem

George Michael - Freedom 90

Cake - I Will Survive

Ariel Pink - Time to Live

Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride

KC and the Sunshine Band - Boogie Shoes

Not so much a playlist, just a go-to song. Walk by Foo Fighters. It's all about me and moving on and leaving the crap of my marriage behind.

I don't listen to sad songs, as I'm not sad anymore, and I've actually never been happier in my life.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 5:51 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

Great song, whothebleep, I love their songs "Pretender" and "These Days" the lyrics are kick ass. I am also loving Pop Evil's "Be Legendary" and "waking Lions" and "Cut the Cord" by Shinedown al.

One I have been playing a lot lately is a song called “my Sanity” by Bad Religion. I interpret it as regaining ones sanity when after being bombarded by false information....it really speaks to me as I continue to heal and regain my sense of reality.

“When you swore to be true, our bed was belief, but alternative facts snuck in like a thief, there comes a time to release the chord of self, and with confidence declare your state of perfect mental health”

[This message edited by ForTheKids at 1:32 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]

“I will Survive”. Is about someone that is strong and empowered enough to leave a bad relationship, not R.

Just a little t/j, but on topic.

Someone recently turned me on to "What About" by Janet Jackson. Holy crapola. That would have been my go-to back in the D of the D-day for sure. Had no idea she could be so fierce. (Guessing for obvious reasons it never got any radio play when it was released).

Anyone else ever listened to it?

The whole John Prine album, For Better or Worse

Especially, Dim Lights, Thick Smoke (And Loud, Loud Music)

Time for me to Fly - REO Speedwagon

And ditto 1000x this one....

Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride

My Fuck.This.Shit. Playlist

Some of it is telling our WSs and APs to fuck off, some of it is for reclaiming confidence in myself. I don't relate to 90% of Cardi's lyrics, but damn does she have some zinger one liners that just capture the mood.

"Truth Hurts" Lizzo

"Good As Hell" Lizzo

"Fuck You" Lily Allen

"Sorry Not Sorry" Demi Lovato

"You Oughtta Know" Alanis Morisette

"I Don't Fuck Wit U" Big Sean

"Dancing on My Own" Robyn

"Indestructible" Robyn

"Since U Been Gone" Kelly Clarkson

"Cry Me A River" Justin Timberlake

"Fuck Apologies" Jojo

"Leave (Get Out)" Jojo

"Sorry" Beyonce

"Hold Up" Beyonce

"Bitch Better Have My Money" Rihanna

"Bodak Yellow" Cardi B

"Money" Cardi B