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A week ago, my adult son informed me that his father (my XWH) was planning to go on a sailing adventure out of country. I was told by the Family Responsibility office that there was an order to suspend his passport and he would not be allowed to leave the country (Canada). Not only was he able but he has flown out on Sunday after I received confirmation on Friday that the passport suspension was in place and he would not be allowed to leave due to non-payment. He is 30000$ in arrears owed to me. I am furious. I am thinking this is an exit strategy and I informed the FRO last week that I believed this was the case. I have checked online and there is no record that the suspension has been lifted or that any payment has been made. How is this possible?

Think positive. You got rid of him. You can always make money.

I would file immediately for compensation from the sale of any assets he may have.

Don't drag your feet on this.

Think even more positive - there's a good chance he fled to one of the MANY countries that deport people like him once they catch on. Turns out most places don't want to accept immigrants who are running away from debt.

It sounds like he entered another country illegally or he has a fake passport and is using money to get by. His days are numbered. He's either going to get caught or found out and then he will be served up to you on a silver platter.

Think positive. You got rid of him. You can always make money.

I appreciate this perspective, but you wouldn't tell a victim of Grand Larceny to "think positively, the bad guy is in the wind.". And he has fled the country with 30,000 of Charlie B's dollars. That is HER money. I would absolutely be livid as well. If we didn't have young children, I could totally see my WH doing this.

So much for suspending his passport. What happened?

(((CharliB)))

Classy dude! Fucker!

And he has fled the country with 30,000 of Charlie B's dollars. That is HER money. I would absolutely be livid as well.

While I agree that CharliB has every right to be angry... at the same time, if my STBX would accept $30,000 to flee the country and never return? DEAL!

at the same time, if my STBX would accept $30,000 to flee the country and never return? DEAL!

Well when you phrase it that way...

As my IC says, though, "now now now, I know you just want this over with, but you still have to live and raise your kids, Bleep."

at the same time, if my STBX would accept $30,000 to flee the country and never return? DEAL!

This made me lol.

I'm not really worried about the 30000, although it pisses me off. It's dealing with the mess he has left me with.

I would like to see him served up on a silver platter I would like to see justice served. For those who remember my story, it has been a long road and so far he has gotten away with everything.

I would like to see justice served. For those who remember my story, it has been a long road and so far he has gotten away with everything

I can so relate to this CharliB. I confess I look forward to the grinding halt of the WH freight train that's been mowing me down for the last 20 years. I have this fantasy where I'm sitting in court at our trial and the judge says something to the effect of, "Wow, Mr Bleep, you are one of the most horrendous spouses I've ever seen in my courtroom." Something about me getting more than half of our assets usually follows, but isn't necessary. The reprimand from the judge is what I'm really craving. In the fantasy. In reality, I do really need and want the money.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 8:22 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]

A government agency confirmed to me that my Ex will be required to pay the amount ( 30000$)in full if he attempts to return to the country. I am not sure if I believe them or not. They told me he wouldn't be able to leave the country and he was able to do that because they didn't have the passport suspension in place in time.( although they told me it was )

I feel like I am in a game of chess and waiting for my next move with no idea how to proceed.

I feel for my kids who are wondering if their father will come back or be able to.

There is an old fashion word, scoundrel. That’s what your husband is, he’s a scoundrel. He does not pay child support, he skips the country, and generally does what he wants to do without any regard for other people. There is a book I suggest you read. It is THE SOCIOPATH NEXT DOOR. They are not all axe murderers. They can be your next-door neighbor. What they all have in common is that they don’t care....they don’t care about you, their children or anybody else. They have no conscience. They have no ability to feel empathy.

Thanks Cooley,

I will get my hands on that book. I have done lots of research on narcissism etc. over the past few years and have come to the conclusion that I will never understand the mindset simply because I can't.

I am meeting with a new lawyer today and feeling confident that I will get some answers regarding my next steps in dealing with this new situation.

Another good book is:

Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft

The author works with physically abusive men, but the psychology behind them is very, very similar to your situation. This book has helped many people here on SI.

Yes, Chrysalis, I have read that book. It does shed light on the behaviour. It is still difficult to understand why someone would hop on a plane, knowing they are abandoning their kids/ responsibilities and knowing they can not return without facing arrest.

My Ex has returned. I was told by the authorities that he would be apprehended but this is not the case. I'm waiting to find out why.

Do the authorities know he's back? If not, a call is in order.

Ugh, Charli, I'm so sorry he's getting away with it at every turn. That has to be so frustrating. I hope your lawyer can serve you up a hot, heappin' plate of justice in due time.

If he's not been detained then the likelihood is he had all the correct documentation including visas etc sorting he was never leaving the country on a permanent basis. The documents may even have included dates and travel itinerary.

The secrecy surrounding his departure suggested an exit strategy and also the imminent passport suspension. My best guess is that the suspension didn't come in time to prevent travel. There is a lengthy process involved. My issue is that the authorities told me he would not be allowed to return without severe repercussions. Why did they tell me that if it's not the case?

I have done lots of research on narcissism etc. over the past few years and have come to the conclusion that I will never understand the mindset simply because I can't.

Here's how I finally was able to understand the special narcissist who was in my life. She has the following motivations:

1. Her interests are more important than anyone else's.

2. She loves to mess with me.

3. Her image to others is the most important thing.

4. If she does anything for me, it's to satisfy 1 through 3.

Sometimes, in my brilliant moments, I use that to help get what I need from her. Most of the time, I just get burned. Luckily, I need very little from her anymore.

I'm sorry you're not getting the promised support from our government agencies.