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64fleet (original poster member #18710) posted at 8:35 PM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020
Was my dday, 13 yrs today. Still married, not really happy. 3 yrs til the youngest is 18.
Spouses mother was sick, she had a stroke, and needed help at home.
Spouse used this as excuse to screw other guys, my dumb ass took the kids to her mothers nearly daily, but spouse simply used that time to date other, and used MIL as babysitter..
Wish I had recorded her coming home drunk with the kids.
Wish I had filed immediately.
We get along ok but the love died somewhere along the way.
Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 8:42 PM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020
I can relate to the love having died along the way. For me it happened between our divorce and remarriage, but my dumb ass remarried him anyway. 
Unlike you, I have like 15ish years until youngest is 18. 😬😩
I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. I wish you all the best in the next three years and beyond.
Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again
Staying together for the kids
D-day 2010
fooled13years ( member #49028) posted at 8:42 PM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020
Fleet,
Still married
From what you have written it seems to me that you have a roommate.
Have you DNA tested the child?
Wish I had filed immediately
So what's stopping you from filing for D now?
I removed myself from infidelity and am happy again.
64fleet (original poster member #18710) posted at 11:19 PM on Monday, November 23rd, 2020
Pretty sure the youngest is mine, but the boy is 20 now & over a foot taller & 100lbs heavier than me has size 14 shoe. My Dad wears 8 1/2 I wear a 9, my Dad is same height/weight as me.
I have stayed for my daughter.
Had I documented some things way back when I would have had some leverage in court, but was too naive/in love stupid or whatever.
Spouse is alcoholic, was sober 7 yrs after dday.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 2:00 AM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020
Please do not stay for the children. Yiu think they don’t know you are unhappy?
I read a story (maybe here at SI - not sure) but it deans with his kids cope at 18 when their parents Divorce. Some are away at school. Some are about to go off to college.
You have up-ended their lives and they are not in surroundings they know or have access to their support group (parents, family, friends).
I hace read where kids can’t cope with all if it — new school, making new friends, classes and tough schedules, difficult workloads and parents D. It is overload for them.
Many kids end up an emotional wreck. Failing out of school. Having extreme anxiety. Turning to drinking etc to cope with it all.
Plus living in a household where two parents are co-existing is just not a good environment. Better to live with two patients who are separated or apart yet happy and co-parenting well together.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
64fleet (original poster member #18710) posted at 3:51 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020
Kids are old enough to understand which parent is the problem. Doing well in school.
Spouse totaled her car drunk last year, kids were safe at home with me. Not sure what would have happened if we had shared custody- they might have been with her.
She goes thru a 1.75 liter in two days lately.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:07 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020
(((64fleet)))
I know it's hard to leave but I agree with 1stWife that it is better for the kids. I was one that was going to stay until the kids left home but realized I would just end up miserable and everyone else miserable too. My daughter would always ask me why I didn't just leave. They were tired of the feeling in the house. I drank too much while I was in-house separated and didn't do much but wallow. Not much of a mom 
Now I am separated and I don't drink except on special occasions and I'm much happier and at peace. I believe the kids can see it and feel it.
There is a better life waiting for you on the other side.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 10:19 PM on Tuesday, November 24th, 2020
..haven't seen you around much lately..
Sorry to read "still married, not really happy"
We only get 1 lifetime to find happiness. What do you expect will happen when your youngest hits 18? ... in terms of your happiness..?
Time waits for no-one! (can't remember who said that!)
Stay safe eh! with this Covid shit going on..
smy 
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
64fleet (original poster member #18710) posted at 7:33 PM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2020
smy- hopefully a secluded cabin way out in the woods with no one around for miles.
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 10:46 PM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2020
..sending you positive mojo for getting that cabin in the woods. May it have ...indoor plumbing... a great view of the lake... and good fishing!
Have a happy Thanksgiving neighbour..
smy
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
Westway ( member #71747) posted at 10:48 PM on Wednesday, November 25th, 2020
You are the only one keeping yourself in this hell.
Me: 52;
XWW: 50 y.o. serial cheater
Married 22 years, Together 24
2 Daughters: aged 16 and 20
DDay: 9/20/19
Divorced 12/03/20.
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