SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

How do you still believe that some people are good people?

I honestly thought my spouse was kind, honest and caring. But he’s a liar and he was very cruel to me. I can’t unsee that about him, it’s not just the nastiness it’s really quite pathetic behaviour he displayed. Like a spiteful child rather than a grown adult.

He hid his behaviour well. So he could be up to anything still - I doubt I will ever trust anyone the way I trusted him again.

We are still together, I don’t see him the same way anymore.

I have made new friends. Put a lot of time each week into socialising online, in person etc. I talk to so many people. This forum is helpful as I can see other people who have been blindsided - so I presume they were honest in their relationships. I like myself and have focused on my values. But I don’t feel quite right.

Any assistance would be appreciated.

We are still together, I don’t see him the same way anymore.

How do you see him now? Obviously, before you found out, your mental model of who he was was not correct. He was somebody else. He counted on you thinking he was the incorrect one too.

What is your mental model of him now? He obviously has some bad characteristics, does he have any good characteristics? Do you think your mental model of him is more accurate now, or did you just replace the old bad one with a new equally bad one?

How do you look at him now? And by that I mean, do you actually watch him differently than you did before, now that you know you don’t know the whole truth of him?

Assuming you do watch him differently now and more closely (and you should), how does he respond to that? I know for a lot of WS it can be very disorienting to undergo that continual scrutiny. Their power over you is trust, and when that is gone, it can leave them flailing.