hcg1553 (original poster new member #87284) posted at 1:53 PM on Wednesday, May 6th, 2026
I've requested my WH provide me with a timeline of his affair. Places, dates and money spent. It's been five months and the story keeps changing or truth trickling occurs. Every new revelation sets me back to the D1 shock. I'm so tired of it and just want to move on with my life and process all the emotions and anxiety without the constant changing and destabilising stories.
He does seem to be struggling emotionally with the task of going through texts and bank statements. He is in therapy dealing with his personal issues but doesn't seem to have dealt with anything around the affair. Part of me feels guilty for requesting he face his actions and the fallout. And the other part feels angry that he gets to hide behind poor mental health and drug use while I received the full impact of his affair and gaslighting including dealing with his mistress.
I appreciate any thoughts as always.
InkHulk ( member #80400) posted at 2:02 PM on Wednesday, May 6th, 2026
What happens after D-day can tremendously influence the choice to R or D. I really wanted to R. But a steady stream of trickle truth, lies, defensiveness, you know, all the regular wayward bullshit, it accumulated and broke me down. That stuff is so toxic, the Surgeon General should issue a warning. It’s not a deficiency in you that you feel the way you feel in the face of these continued insults and injuries. If this is his best, you have to make a choice on whether that is enough for you, and it’s ok to say it’s not.
People are more important than the relationships they are in.
hcg1553 (original poster new member #87284) posted at 2:59 PM on Wednesday, May 6th, 2026
I've found the return and the way he tried to come back under a cover of misinformation as damaging as the affair to be honest. That has felt as manipulative as his behaviour during the affair.
I just want something concrete I can point to instead of the constant swirling and changing story that feels like manipulation in itself.
BackfromtheStorm ( member #86900) posted at 3:36 PM on Wednesday, May 6th, 2026
The affair kills the relationship.
Trickle truths are sabotaging the resuscitation process while the relationship is in the icu.
It’s a common tendency, maybe you could confront him and tell him that.
Might be more constructive to work on him being able to come clean fully instead of rushing and hurting you even worse.
Think about it, cause if the WS doesn’t get how bad trickle truths are, you are doomed right away. You better split today.
You are welcome to send me a PM if you think I can help you. I respond when I can.
