This is it: the final DDay! Divorce Day, that is. Today it's official.
Today, I get to say, "I'm divorced," not "divorcing" or "getting a divorce." And I can drop the "soon-to-be" from WX.
I thought I'd be be more emotional, more upset, but it's been a slow fade this past half year as we unwound 28 years of marriage.
I'm still sad about it - probably always will be at some level. I grieve the future that could've been, for us, for our child, for the people we shared our lives with. I have no desire to start a new relationship with someone else - not because WX was some kind of soulmate, but because I can't bear the thought of repeating the pain I endured the past few years. Never say never, but the walls guarding the pieces of my heart are sky high, and the moat beyond that is abyss deep. I feel safer in my fortress, and I know I will protect and cherish myself.
I'm also happy. To be free of him, of his lies, his entitlement, his lack of discipline, his ability for self-delusion. I'm happy to have control over my finances. To live in a healthier way, in my own place and space, by my standards and values. I'm happy and grateful to have the support of my family and close friends, to be surrounded by love, even if it's not the romantic kind.
I'm also incredibly grateful for the community here and the support, wisdom, and guidance that has been offered to me over the past several years. Y'all are the best - truly! I will do my best to keep paying it forward.
