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pmr411 ( member #29899) posted at 11:44 PM on Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
No!!!! I has been almost 10 months and we are still working through all of the emotions and changes.
hard_yards ( member #23549) posted at 1:01 AM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
2+ years here.
Get over it? I'll never get over it, I'm aiming for acceptance.
WS threw out the "get over it" a little while ago, big mistake, big mistake, and 90% of the time right now I can't fault the effort he's putting in.
It's a bit like amputating someones leg and then expecting them to be happy because they've still got one left, things are never the same again.
I can't forgive it either, I just can't, acceptance works for that as well, I don't feel bad about not forgiving, I can live with acceptance.
Three weeks? I could hardly even keep food down at three weeks.
I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...
jeff3995 ( member #18107) posted at 5:38 AM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
21 days, no! On the other hand wife was over what she did in a matter of a few months. Then again after three years I discovered she was lying and actually had three affairs in two marriages so go figure. I think there is a correlation to a wayward feeling you have to get over it and the truth. If they are being truthful and genuinely remorseful they will give you the time you need to heel.
ExposedNiblet ( member #30803) posted at 6:37 AM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
madmomm ( member #30952) posted at 6:43 AM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
OMG no! I was still in bed and not eating at 21 days. It's been 4 months now and today is still a struggle to function.
Me-BS 47
Him-WS 39
OW-25 (wtf?)
D-day 10/26/10
Married-7 years
1 daughter-6 yo
Status: Says he is not changing his mind :(
rightbeforebday ( member #30210) posted at 1:53 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
I have a feeling that there'll be lots of copy/paste of this link send to lots of WS's.
Even if they're truly 100% remorseful, they'll never truly 100% understand the depth of the wound they had inflicted on the BS's....even if they themselves were a BS before.
D-Day 11/23/10
BS(me)35
WS(her)30 yrs old.
Daughter 7 years old
Together 10 yrs
Married 6 yrs
painpaingoaway ( member #27196) posted at 2:11 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
No no no no no no no no no no no!!!!!
D-Day June 2009
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk
brokenhearted512 ( member #21456) posted at 9:06 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
NO!!
Almost three years out, and I'm still healing.
me BS 51
H WH 52
ow my COUSINS WIFE!!!
D Day 8/19/08
R since D Day, going to IC and MC
Cee64D ( member #21836) posted at 9:31 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
Not even close! I'm two years out and still trigger sometimes.
If my FWW had wanted me to be over it in a few weeks my response would have been very simple:
Followed by her and her things landing on the curb
The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008
Icantforgive ( member #27936) posted at 10:33 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
I'm 3 years out and not over it. 3 weeks is not near enough time.
Karma really is a bitch
DDay#1 11/07
DDay#2 12/07
DDay#3- the one where I discover his whores... 3/10
TT#1 (b/c he won't ever talk about it) 2/9/11
Moved out 4/1/11
Tentatively stepping back into "R" 6/9/11
Reconciled 01/12
allouttagas ( member #26380) posted at 10:43 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
BS: 44 - Me
WW: 35
Married in '98
D-Day #1: 2-20-2009
D-Day #2: 4-25-2009
D-Day #3: 6-19-2010
D-Day #4: 9-11-12
D-Day #5: 9-13-12
D-Day #6: 9-15-12
Status: Tryin to "Re-reconcile" but barely hangin on.
Children: Four total
Betrayed_1692 ( member #29607) posted at 10:48 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
How can someone get over something that as changed them completely? My life is forever changed. It is now lived in terms of pre/post DD. I will never be the same. I will never be that trusting or have that much faith in anyone ever again. There is NO getting over this. You survive it, you over come it, you eventually hopefully find acceptance and forgiveness for it, but do you ever REALLY get over it? No, I don’t think you do. Whether you stay in your marriage or not you now have this heavy weight on your heart where once there was freedom and peace. And sure, you may learn to carry the load, you may even get to a place where you forget how heavy the weight of that burden is but it’s never truly gone and this was done to you not by some criminal, not by some evil villain out to get you, to destroy you; this was done by the one person on this earth that was supposed to look out for you. Who was supposed to have your back, who was supposed to protect you completely! Who was supposed to be your best friend! For any WS to be annoyed that we’re not just over it; no matter how many days, weeks, months, years out we are is a WS who is still selfish and still only thinking in terms of themselves. To all you WS… just accept that you have done something to your spouse that he/she will never truly be over because you changed them, you took something beautiful, innocent, and pure and you replaced it with something ugly, tainted, and soiled. And whether we forgive you or not, whether we reconcile or not, we live with what you did to us and we had zero say in what you did to our hearts so screw you if you’re annoyed that we’re not over it. So sorry to inconvenience you!
Just-a-Statistic ( member #31244) posted at 10:50 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
Yeah, I was over it in less than 21 days! LOL!!! Just kidding... Wanted your survey to have at least one yes!!! Even tho it is really a resounding NO! But I have to say, I don't trigger, don't cry, sleep just fine, eat well, function well at work, better than well actually... No one would guess that I'm dealing with this. But over it?? No way!
Me: 50; Him: 52
DDay 6/1/11; 3 known OWs
Ihate february ( member #31219) posted at 11:19 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
No. I don't think I'll ever be completely over it, and I don't want to be. I might get too comfortable and set my self up to be caught off guard again.
Me: BH 39
Her: FWW 38
married 16 yrs, together 22 yrs with 2 children
Dday-4/10/10
TT until 12/10
Currently in R
Forgiveness isn't for the forgiven, it's for the forgiver.
Shoestring ( member #20731) posted at 11:22 PM on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
3 years out and it may be over soon. I will NEVER FORGET IT.
NEVER!
NEVER!
NEVER!
H (me) 76 Nov 7th
WS (her) 75 Aug 6th
A lasted 25+ years
Maybe all our married life?
M 56 yrs on Oct 2
OMM - Same age as WS
They were Hi school sweethearts
D-day March 27, 2008
Children grown Son 48 D 44
cuckhold ( member #25015) posted at 2:25 AM on Thursday, March 3rd, 2011
Got ya'll beat. No! 32 yrs.
mills ( member #30824) posted at 2:46 AM on Thursday, March 3rd, 2011
This has to be some sort of joke - or someone living in utter and thoroughly complete denial. (I guess you've figured out my answer is a big, resounding no!)
forced2moveon ( member #12014) posted at 2:55 AM on Thursday, March 3rd, 2011
staying4thekids ( member #30521) posted at 2:56 AM on Thursday, March 3rd, 2011
Jaxx ( member #31228) posted at 3:19 AM on Thursday, March 3rd, 2011
It's actually been 5 years since my first d-day. Had 2 more since then. Recently I told my WS that I have not had a single day go by in those 5 years that I have not thought about the A. Her response was "Really?" in a tone that suggested she was totally surprised. I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through this can understand just how painful it is. It's an exclusive club.
Married 30 yrs
Me BS
Her FWW
1st D-Day Jan 2006 EA
2nd D-Day 1-16-2011 LTPA
It gets better.
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