SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yikes. I can’t believe she said those things. Your behavior is more problematic than hers at this point. Your responses to the thing she said they are too reasoned. It makes it seem like you think this is rational. I’m sorry this is not just an emotional affair. This is a quasi sexual affair. I’m sure she makes videos or streams via Snapchat of her doing the deed thinking about her lover. And maybe they haven’t touche, but it is only a matter of time before someone has a business trip and meets up with the other. Unless you are willing to be in an open marriage I just don’t see what your hoping to accomplish by waiting to get out of infidelity. You should have had the lawyer file. She absolutely thinks she is going to convince you that what she is doing is okay. You’re too codependent on her. I mean what is your line ?

Hey Deepfeeler,

Keep at it. Nobody said the 180 was easy and it's not. You're doing well you just need to keep pushing. Do you want help responding to this email?

I can give it a go or make suggestions and others here can do the same.

Hang in there,

Is it to late to have her served tomorrow?

She needs a solid slap of reality!

But on second though.... it would make it easier on you and harder on her if you were off the grid (camping, vacation, whatever ) for a few days after she is served!

I am with you brother!

Here...I did it anyway. I'm not trying to be critical but there's only one message you can send to her. No snark, bargaining, no elaborate explanations (tough as fuck for me not do as well) just this.....

just talked to a friend while child1 was getting her pictures taken and he put a lot of things into perspective for me.

Yes, there is an emotional connection, I don't see that as a bad thing. I forge emotional connections with many people. That doesn't mean i love you less or him more. It's just different.

** You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

That emotional high is amazing and eventually dwindles down and becomes a friendship. I know this because it's not the first time it happens to me.

** You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this Marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

You can ask Dennis or a handful of other male friends I have. This is exactly how Dennis and I met. After a few months of dirty letters and emails back and forth, our relationship evolved into a friendship that has lasted almost 30 years, several countries and different spouses. I love Dennis to pieces but I have no intention of running off with him. Or him with me.

**You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this Marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

I thought you would understand that, not just because of all your previous talks about possible sexual exploits, but because of how we met.

**You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this Marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

I think the problem is one of us is attaching way more significance to this than the other.

**You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this Marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

For the millionth time, Pieter and I are never happening in RL that way because that's not what this is. For the same reason Dennis and I never got together or anybody else I never got together with. I married you. Nobody else.

**You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this Marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

I lied because I was embarrassed. Not because of what I did. But because i don't particularly share those things with anyone and you invaded my privacy in an unprecedented way.

**You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this Marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

It makes me angry that you make me feel dirty about the whole thing after the ones that benefited the most from this were us. To be blunt, Pieter merely jacked off while you got to have all the RL fun. So what if he said he "loved" me and I had a special place in his heart and I said it back?

**You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this Marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

At the end of the day, those are just words because I'm married to you and it was you I had sex with, several times, as opposed to once in several months. I thought that would be a good thing.

**You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this Marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

I enjoy the random phone calls and pictures about random things just because I enjoy seeing all those things I might never get to see in person. Not because it's him, just because I enjoy those kinds of things. I don't understand your irrational jealousy over this.

**You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this Marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

I don't understand the weirdness about the phone sex either. It's just phone sex. At the end of the day, I just don't understand why this is a big deal when you seemed open to so much worse.

**You have chosen to continue this relationship over staying in this Marriage with me. That is your choice but you will not do so as my wife. I respect your decision but I've made my own and I will not live in infidelity.

Nothng else can be given to her because she'll just feed off it to continue the affair IMO. NO ARGUMENTS. Just the fact of the matter. That's my advice.

Wow, I am so sorry. That letter from her was awful I've got to wonder who this "friend" she spoke with was. Who would actually agree with her wayward thinking. It was most likely just her and OM trying to rationalize their relationship, because nobody could deem what she wrote as normal. She needs IC. Anyway I wrote a response because I couldn't help it...

Thank you for your letter it showed me how truly differently we think. You seem to need to have emotional affairs. To have other men in you life to flirt with, build romantic relationships with, say I love you to and have phone sex with. Your need is emotionally abusive to me. This is how we met, I know how far it can go and what it can turn into. You letter made it abundantly clear that this is not something you can or will give up. That you can't even comprehend why these affairs are wrong and hurtful to me. This is not the type of marriage I signed up for or ever wanted. We are at an impasse. You are welcome to continue your affairs if this is what you need to make you happy but not as my wife.

=== The divorce papers need to come. This isn't something she is going to snap out of. She is fighting tooth and nail to keep OM and the game.

[This message edited by Freeme at 2:25 AM, May 26th (Saturday)]

I think Freeme is probably right. She's fully addicted to two very powerful forces not just one and that's tough. It doesn't mean she won't snap out of it but it's a helluva climb.

Dbl Post

[This message edited by MrMagnolia at 2:54 AM, May 26th (Saturday)]

DeepFeeler,

It is clear that your wife is in the grip of an addiction. Instead of taking your feelings into account, she is telling you that the problem is you, not her. I am not surprised that she does not want to go to see a counsellor, because no counsellor would approve of her attitude or behaviour; they would recognise it for what it is. As the appointment is booked, I suggest you take that letter and discuss it with the counsellor, with or without your wife.

I also suggest that you contact her parents and anyone else who may have some influence on her and tell them that you are on the verge of divorce because she has a cyber-sex addiction. Please do this today, without delay, because she seems to think that listening to some guy in Belgium jerking off is worth the destruction of a family. She needs to get some serious, proper psychological help now. If she will not go to see a counsellor, see if you can get one to come to your home, even if you have to do it by surprise.

Basically, your wife needs an 'intervention', the sooner the better. If you can, get her parents to come to the home too; I am sure they do not want the home their grand-children are growing up in broken up because their daughter thinks online sex games and phone sex are more important than her family.

Are there any sex addict help facilities near you? I know there must be some online. I think you could try contacting them, describing your wife's unhealthy addiction, and ask them for help and advice too.

Here's something you can do for nothing. Google "Addiction to phone sex", and you will find tons of real-life stories about people who, just like your wife, thought this addiction was 'nothing', because it is not happening in real life. Until they realised it was an addiction. Copy and paste the stuff you find into a Word document, or several, print them out, and have your wife read them. You need to tell her that she has an unhealthy addiction that has developed well beyond getting a few kicks, and that unless she admits it and deals with it, it is going to destroy what she has in real life.

******************************************

Here is an example from Addictions dot com:

Sex Addiction

In a world where sex is everywhere – online, on billboards, on television, in schools, books, magazines and other forms of media – there is an increased likelihood for an individual to have a strong sexual desire that is difficult to control. When an individual has an increased sex drive that includes an obsession with sex, sex addiction may develop. Sex, the thought of sex, the actions that surround sex and an intense desire to take part in such actions can all lead to problems with relationships, work, school and social interaction for the sex addict.

What is Sex Addiction?

Sex addiction is characterized by an individual’s intense desire to take part in sexual activity. Some of the activities that, when taken part in obsessively or excessively, may indicate an obsession with sex include:

- watching pornography either on television or online

- thinking about sex for long periods of the day to the point in which it interferes with other priorities

- excessive collections of sexual magazines

- risk taking sexual behavior such as promiscuity or having sex in public places

- excessive masturbation

Sex addiction typically causes the addicts thinking to be distorted and they will often rationalize their behavior in some way.

Sex addicts will even blame others for their problems or their sexual actions rather than take the blame or accept that they were the doers of their actions. Most will deny that their interaction with sexual activities are a problem thus denying that they are an addict.

As sexual addictions progress, the behaviors that the addict takes place in will often progress as well. For instance, in the early stages of sex addiction, an individual may simply watch many hours of pornography. In time, this addiction may turn into the individual taking part in online sex groups that cost money. This can even progress to a desire or intense sensation to go out and perform these acts in public which can lead to the promiscuous activity which poses a significant danger to the addict in terms of physical harm, disease or other problems.

Signs of Sex Addiction

Early on, the signs of sex addiction may not be extremely easy to see but as time goes on, the signs will typically become more prevalent.

Because sex addiction tends to progress rapidly and move from small discreet actions on to major, noticeable behaviors, you may recognize the following signs in an individual who is addicted to sex:

- compulsive masturbation or stimulation

- extra-marital affairs or multiple affairs in a non-married relationship

- multiple one night stands

- excessive and consistent use of pornography

- practicing unprotected, unsafe sex

- cybersex either over the phone or online

- prostitution or purchasing the services of a prostitute

- dating excessively for the ability to have multiple sexual partners

- voyeurism or watching others have sex

- rape

- molestation

- sexually harassing others

Lack of Bonding for Sex Addicts

Most of the time, when an individual is addicted to sex they will not bond with their partner. In fact, most sex addicts will have no real desire to form an emotional bond with the individual or individuals that they are having sex with. This is why many can have satisfaction from pornography or cybersex in which there is no true bond having been formed and there are no strings attached. Sex addicts lack control over their behavior (or at least they think that they lack control over their behavior)

Consequences of Sex Addiction

Many different consequences can result from an individual’s inability to control their sexual addiction. Some of the most common consequences of sex addiction include:

- Financial consequences. From poor productivity at work because an individual has nothing but sex on his or her mind to money spent on sex through prostitution, cybersex, phone sex or online sexual fantasy chat rooms, there is great stress financially that can come from sex addiction.

- Health consequences. Individuals who suffer from sex addiction are likely to take part in a promiscuous activity which can lead to unwanted pregnancy, STDs such as AIDs or hepatitis, or rape

- Social consequences. Sex addiction can lead to adverse social interactions. Many sex addicts will not interact socially because they spend their time taking part in cybersex while others may be over pushy or too sexual when in social interactions which can lead to a social upset.

- Emotional consequences. Sex addiction is a disease and many sex addicts, despite their desire to quit taking part in an extreme sexual activity, are unable to on their own. This leads to failure and emotional upset that can linger and cause depression or anxiety for the addict.

Myths & Facts About Sex Addiction

Myth: People with good morals will not suffer from sex addiction

Fact: Your morals are not a direct impact on whether or not you suffer from sex addiction. If your sexual behavior takes you out of the realm of your own values or beliefs, then this could be affecting your morals and you may feel bad, but there is the help.

Myth: Only men are sex addicts

Fact: While the majority of sex addiction sufferers are men, there are signs that about 20% of those suffering from sex addiction are actually women. Unfortunately, it can be more difficult for a woman to address her sex addiction due largely in part to the majority of the support groups and treatment options being geared to men.

Coping With Shame in Sex Addiction

A major problem that many sex addicts have it the shame and guilt that comes with their addiction. For most, despite their desire not to take part in illicit activities or behaviors, a negative control takes over and causes them to perform an explicit sexual activity such as watching pornography, taking part in cybersex or promiscuous activity despite their burning desire to do what’s right. Many clients who do seek treatment for sex addiction not feelings of guilt and shame as their primary reasons for treatment.

- Guilt – I did something wrong and I feel bad for my mistake

- Shame – Because I did something wrong, there is something wrong with me

We are all familiar with the feeling of guilt that comes when we consciously know that we made a mistake. Not all of us feel shame when a mistake is made though. Shame is the painful emotion that results when we feel guilty for our wrongdoing. Shame is more difficult to overcome and to cope with that guilt because it is an internal emotion that we must cope with and learn how to manifest into a positive feeling when we do better and make improvements.

How to Stop Sex Addiction

Many people who do suffer from sex addiction are looking for ways to stop the addiction for reasons such as the problems that come with the addiction or because their loved ones are being adversely affected by the addiction. Just like a drug or alcohol addiction, excessive use or behavior that involves sex can also lead to addiction that needs to be controlled. There are many steps that you can take to help stop your sex addiction depending on the severity of the addiction.

Take these steps to reduce your desire and stop your sex addiction:

- Get Support. Your support is very important to your recovery from sex addiction. You can find support in sex addiction support groups, through a counselor or doctor, through your family, friends, a spouse or a mentor

- Avoid triggers. Learn how to avoid the places or situations that lead you to watch porn, walk the streets in search of a prostitute, or make a cybersex phone call. By learning how to avoid the triggers that lead you to the compulsive sexual behavior you can reduce the chance that you will make the wrong decisions.

- Accept your problem. The first step to recovery from any addiction is to admit that you have a problem. Sex addiction is a problem and as soon as you admit that you have a problem controlling your sexual behaviors you will be able to begin seeking help.

- Join an outside support group. You’re not the only one who is addicted to sex or who may have an obsession with pornography or cybersex. Thousands of others suffer similar compulsions and there are often community support groups that can help. Many of these support groups can even be found online to help you find the help that you need.

- Seek help. If you’ve tried to stop on your own, you’ve sought support and you still find yourself taking part in sexual behaviors that are unacceptable to yourself or to others, seek additional support from a professional. A counselor or trained professional can help you to gain control of your addiction and move forward.

Treatment for Sex Addiction

Many forms of treatment for sex addiction exist to help you balance your life with healthy sexual relationships that do not hinge on the border of being addictive. A mental health professional and medical health professional can help to determine if you truly are addicted to sex, help you get to the bottom of the reasons why you may be suffering from sex addiction and even lead you in the right direction to overcoming your sex addiction once and for all.

Twelve Step Treatment

Although twelve step treatment was originally devised for those suffering from alcoholism, this method of therapy has evolved to provide options for those suffering from narcotics addiction, medication addictions and many forms of sex addiction. Some of the twelve step treatment methods you can find in various anonymous groups include:

- Sex Addicts Anonymous

- Sex, Love Addicts Anonymous

- Sexaholics Anonymous

Counseling

Individual and group counseling methods have proven effective at treating those who are addicted to sex. Additionally, marriage counseling could be beneficial to help patients and their partners to cope with the fear, deception, lies and other devastation that has resulted from a sexual addiction.

Faith Based Treatment

Many different faith-based treatment programs can be found to provide counseling, support and spiritual therapy that will reduce or assist with the devastation of sexual addictions. Pastoral counseling, prayer sessions, bible studies and individual support groups can work to restore your religious faith which in turn can reduce a sexual addiction.

Psychotherapy

Various methods of psychotherapy such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can lead an individual who overly thinks about sex and reacts with poor behaviors to learn new ways of thinking and of reacting. This therapy may consist of teaching an individual a positive way to react to sexual desires such as with a loved one or by transferring thoughts to a more productive, non-sexual, activity.

Support Groups

As previously stated, many different support groups can be found to help those who suffer from sexual addiction. You may find support in a friend or family member who you can call if you have the desire to take part in a sexual activity, you may talk with your spouse or you may find an online social chat room where you can talk about your desires without following through. Support is a necessary part of any treatment process and the resources that you find for support can greatly improve your chances of making a full recovery from sex addiction.

Medication

If your sex addiction is the result of depression, there are medications that can help. If you use sex as a way to reduce stress or anxiety, there are medications that can help with that as well. Severe sex addicts are also able to be given certain types hormonal medications that will reduce sexuality, hinder sexual urges and eliminate or greatly reduce compulsive behaviors.

*********************************************

DeepFeeler, your wife is in denial/avoidance at the moment, but I am sure you can see several elements in that article that apply to her. The article is just one of many that you can find online, and she needs to start reading them. This problem is known about, and it can be treated, but your wife needs to accept that her behaviour is not 'normal', harmless, or without consequences.

Recognising and admitting a problem is the first step towards recovery.

Your response needs to be

‘You are free to do all those things, just not as my wife’

^^^^^^^^^^Please don’t give that email the honor of a reply other what Sharkman said.

Then you need to stop ALL communication! Except finances and children. M1965 gave some good advice, but honestly, I don’t think you have a marriage to salvage at this point.

So there was the first EA on SL, then this one, now she is saying she’s done this numerous times. Did I understand that correctly? WOW!

You need to file Monday and speak with your attorney friend to protect yourself and your children. You need to extracate yourself from this threesom, move yourself out of infidelity, she will follow - or not.

DeepFeeler,

Not sure if any of my words will help or give you any comfort or guidance, but I’d like to share something with you so you don’t follow the path I took after I found out about my ex fiancées emotional and physical affair. I like you found this site and I’m eternally grateful for the kind words and support I received. Please listen to what is suggested by other members and follow what’s suggested to a T. Reason I say these things is I did not fully do the things suggested. I thought I knew my situation and the ex the best. Oh how wrong I was.

When I found out I did not realize that I suffered from trauma. It was an emotional trauma, but trauma nonetheless. My brain did not differentiate between physical or emotional pain. It just knew I was in pain. I say this because I was not able to think clearly and make rational decisions. I did not do the 180 and I suffered grave consequences. I flip flopped between the pick me dance and anger. I had no clear thoughts during that time. I’d feel better for a moment and then crushed again a few minutes later. Doing the 180 “fully” will allow you that time to clear your mind (the best it can be at this point) and focus on what’s best for you and your child(ren). My DD was just about two years ago and it was a complete shit show for the next year and a half until I moved out. I didn’t fully do what was suggested and she had no consequences for her actions. She said she felt remorse for what she did and it would never happen again. I didn’t see she was only concerned about how she felt and how she was viewed by her friends and family because I outed both of them. Your wife has zero remorse and that says it all. End of discussion. That should further bolster your need to focus solely on you and the kiddo(s).

I did not do those things, I stayed and I tried. I thought I was doing what was best for my children. That was a major mistake. I could not think clearly and see that she was still lying and I received multiple versions of what happened. I didn’t just walk away and breath so to speak. I wasn’t strong enough and paid dearly. It’s taken me two years to see things clearly. And truth be told it still effects me somewhat today. All because I didn’t fully do what was suggested from the many caring people on this site. At this point I, my suggestion would be walk away. If nothing else for you to gain some perspective. Stay at friends house or kick her out. Either way it’s imperative that you have this time to collect your thoughts and what you MUST do. Be kind to yourself and focus only on what will make you and your child(rem) feel better. I didn’t take my balls back and say I deserve better than this. I not only allowed her to have zero consequences for her choices, but I also hurt myself by not taking my balls back and walking away from an extremely unhealthy person because being around her not only couldn’t I think clearly, but I became incredibly unhealthy as well. Just be good to yourself, brother. NONE of this is your fault and focus on taking care of yourself. I hope something that I said may help you and I only say these things because I do not want you to do things that will only prolong your pain and suffering. Take care.

Some people are just too selfish to be monogamous. Unfortunately, they're often too selfish to admit it before getting married and starting families too.

Your wife has admitted she is a serial cheater. This doesn't have anything to do with you, or an addiction, or poor coping skills or whatever. It's a bad habit she enjoys at other people's expense.

She's trying to gaslight you right now - convince you up is down (aka cheating is healthy for your marriage ) - and gaslighting can be effective even when you know it's happening. Have something ready to say in those moments to shut that shit down. "You didn't say this before because you knew I wouldn't have married you," is a good one.

If that won't work, expect her to blame you, but be quick to remind her that she has always done this, way before meeting you. Reinforce that she just isn't marriage material.

No one can make the decision for you, but sometimes divorce is the best move for your mental health. Good luck.

She is strikingly fvcked up. Esther Perel would have her as a featured guest on one of her podcasts.

Yep, she is too far gone. It is not a new thing for her. She received validation from the dude getting his kid's picture taken. He gave her a perspective that fit her own. Instead of your perspective.

Serve her immediately. Even if that seems to wake her up, don't believe anything she says. She has told you her fundamental world view. Get away from her as soon as possible. It will save your sanity.

Stunning in its honest admission of who she is, and has been, all along.

edited to correct typo

[This message edited by TimelessLoss at 7:26 PM, May 26th (Saturday)]

I am just checking in to see how you are doing after receiving the information from your wayward wife. How did marriage counseling go if you attended. I hope you are doing okay. We have walked your path. I know it is difficult. You will be okay.

Jury is out, the counselor didn't put much merit on either of them flying to get together. She did stress the effect on the brain this had and brought out that I was devastated and was asking why she would not simply stop contact.

Also how the antics spiced up things in the bedroom but wasn't doing anything for our intimacy.

In short there was no cease and desist from the counselor so tonight she continues and I'm hiding out in the house averting anxiety attacks over this juvenile Asshattery.

I'm working on detaching because at this point it's the only thing that's going to keep me from stroking out or having a heart attack I have never had this anxiety bullshit and I feel like an insecure sniveling teenager over this mess so I'm using that fire to work on myself.

I also ordered the Not Just Friends book that has been recommended and it arrives tomorrow.

We go back next Thursday but after today I think it is just enabling and validating her antics.

The biggest thing I took away was when the counselor was explaining gestalt(sp) role play and how that enhances emotion etc and related it to what she does online with other men and while it's exciting and a big high for her, it's become devastating to me and is impacting our marriage. My wife essentially showed no remorse and said she was a grown woman and shouLd be able to do as she pleases and I need to understand that she's not running off for anyone and their relationship just evolved.

On the friend she spoke to yesterday he is in an open marriage which helps explain the answers given. So I told her she should ask him about his thoughts on where she crossed not only her own set boundaries as well as mine and never backed it up. I know open relationships almost always have hard and fast rules and breaking them is a much greater taboo than any kinks they may have. This was discussed right after counseling but after that it was back to 180.

Those who warned me to move faster or there would be more pain.. Yep right again... Thanks to all of you for ongoing support. This is just a mess and I can't help feel stupid since there has been no physical intimacy and he is so far away. Even the counselor brought this up and said it was unlikely.

Look if I was into a woman I'd have no trouble jumping on a plane to go fool around for a couple of days.

DeepFeeler:

What comes clear from your account of MC is that you have told your WW that her continuing EA devastates you. The MC told her the same thing. The fact that the chance your WW and AP getting together is immaterial. Your WW should put you first and care about your feelings. That’s what being married means. She simply does not care about your feelings. She is going to do this so you need to get over it. This attitude is so disrespectful to you. She sounds so entitled and selfish. I am sorry you are dealing with this. I know it is painful. I hope you can serve her D papers soon. Strength to you.

I wish we were wrong about the MC. I'll ask again if you won't please reconsider dropping the MC and doing what we've suggested here. 180 Tell her your done and on B-line for the door until she meets your terms. Then don't budge and follow-through. The MC is only going to help HER feel better about herself short-term (though it'll all crash for her eventually) and going to make it harder for you.

Hang in there, and keep posting.

The last line in your post:

"Look if I was into a woman I'd have no problem jumping on a plane to go fool around for a couple of days."

Tell her this and tell her this is how you feel about what she is doing. That you feel if you were in her place you would be looking a way to hook up with the woman you are in sexual contact with. Knowing how you feel, would she be alright with you if you began communicating with another woman. That how you see and feel what she is doing is causing your hurt. That from your viewpoint, what she says will never happen is exactly what you are expecting to happen and you do not wish to be there when it does. I do wish you well.

DF

The truth is, no matter what is said in, or what validation she feels she gets from MC, you are the one to decide what you can live with in your marriage.

The truth is she’s stealing the love and affection she should be giving to you and Giving it to another man. And thru phone sex that includes the physical, even if they were not in the same location.

She can claim she’s within her rights all she wants, but that does not mean you have to live a life where you have to put up with this.

In the end she can continue living this virtual world as her primary consciousness, but you don’t have to live it with her.

I give all these things you describe her doing and saying to this other man, to my wife, not someone on the other end of a gaming headset. My wife deserves that as part of our relationship and so do you!

If she won’t get help getting out of this virtual world Don’t stay in this toxic relationship one More minute than the law says you have to.

Take care.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 6:33 AM, May 27th (Sunday)]

For (most) females the affair is mostly about the emotional connections in relationships. She doesn't understand why this isn't fine if she isn't actually physical with him. Now read this thread for the opposite perspective. http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=622103&HL=58558

He is just having sex, no emotional connection. He can't understand why his wife is not fine with it, since he doesn't care about the OW.

Both are bad for the marriage. With sex you think about the STD's but with yours I think about the time, love, emotions she is taking from you and the family and giving to OM. Even when they aren't Online you know he's on her mind.

Two waywards argue the complete opposite using the same reasoning.

What are your WW boundaries with OM? Has she sent him nudes? Has he sent her nudes? What about videos? Is no physical contact a boundary or is that just a circumstance? What about making plans to run off together is that ok in the game or a boundary? You already know they tell each other they love each other so that's not a boundary. You know she will lie to keep OM and the game so how can you trust her?

I think a hard 180 is best for you right now. Write down all of the things you want to say to her and keep them for the next MC session. Have that be your last session so get it all out. Know that you can call the MC prior to that session and tell her that for health reasons (list your symptoms) you are going to need to end counseling and move to divorce if you don't see any type of conceding on your WW part.

Did the counselor call this an emotional affair or did she stick with your WW wording calling them emotional connections?

You also need to see a physical doctor ASAP. Her affair could quite literally could be killing you via high blood pressure.

Again, I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Keep in mind that you are not ending the marriage over a silly game, the marriage is ending over her serial cheating. Emotional affairs are just as bad as physical cheating in cases like yours with no remorse and no plans to stop despite the pain she is causeing you... it could be worse.

((deepfeeler))

[This message edited by Freeme at 12:54 PM, May 27th (Sunday)]