SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You're FINE with the kids? That's what you think? Everything is FINE????

You're a delusional asshole is what you are. You're so delusional I can't even put together words to say to you in a place that you will never read them.

I might actually believe you if the kids and I didn't actually talk.

Keep deluding yourself. It's your loss. You are missing out on the three greatest kids ever. They don't respect you. They can't stand the whore because she's so stupid.

You're so fucking broken. It's sad to watch. I'm making a conscious decision not to hate you, despite how you treat out children, because I don't want to hate the father of my kids.

Stop making that decision so difficult.

[This message edited by nekorb at 5:42 AM, January 6th (Wednesday)]

While you've been busy being the KISA, rescuing the whore's kids from their dead beat dad, did you ever stop and wonder who is rescuing your children from theirs?

[This message edited by nekorb at 10:41 PM, January 6th (Wednesday)]

I saw my counselor yesterday. You remember her, don't you? The one you came to see with me once, right before you left me. The one you sat with and flat out lied to.

I let her listen to the voicemail you left me on NYE. The one where you tell me you're sorry but you won't make it over to clear the driveway. (Btw, I didn't ask you to). The message where you ramble on - "I have a few things to do"..."I still have this fucking cold"..."It's been crazy"..."I'm trying to get shit done".

My counselor said you sounded as if you had been drinking. I thought you sounded like you always do (when you're not working). I guess I'm just used to you sounding like that. And that's sad.

Also gotta say, my life is a lot more peaceful than yours sounds like

What kind of father takes money from his kids' college accounts? I knew you were lying several weeks ago when you transferred the money to my name (per the D.) Finding the deposit slips as proof was just another example of divine intervention.

When I confronted you, you informed me you were no longer discussing these matters. Oh, REALLY??!!

Then you went on to say that you were sure you used the money to pay some sort of bill or something. Oh REALLY??!!

And, just to add some final craziness, you added that you were sure that I knew about it. Oh REALLY??!!

Let me just say that I would never let you steal from DSs accounts, and you gosh darn know it.

<<I am stealing this from another poster and editing for my situation>>

Don't trip over your Bible on your way to church as you pretend to be a honest, ethical person. How do you live with yourself when all you do now is spin lies and deceit?

Oh, and THANK YOU!! Now that you are out of my life, I remember what being happy is like. Life truly is wonderful!!

Please pardon my language in the following post. I'm really angry.

You useless piece of shit. You really think you're so aggrieved? You're suuuuuchhhh a victim. Give my a freaking break. Like seriously, just fuck right off all the way to hell. I hope you meet your slutty, ugly, fat, unemployed, uneducated, married OW there. You can both rot together.

You won't just admit to the adultery so I can have the closure of a divorce in a decent timeline because you're an asshole. It's no fault either freaking way, but nooooooooooo, your "Conscience is clean." You fucking worthless liar. You'd rather drag this out over a year long separation and then some because you're a worthless, attention-seeking, piece of shit bottom feeder. I hope whoever you retain as a lawyer bleeds you dry and then some.

No, after you had a year long affair and gaslighted me and lied to be and called me a mistrustful, crazy, psychotic bitch for a year and a half, you have to make sure this is hard on me, because the only thing you're good at is playing the insecure victim. You're useless. You're going to argue about the separation date by ONE day just to be a pain in the ass? You know exactly what day it is - I SENT YOU A FUCKING EMAIL. I FORCED YOU TO SEND ME AN EMAIL GIVING YOR OFFICIAL MOVE OUT NOTICE. It's obviously that day, not the next. I did you a COURTESY by letting you sleep in the spare room overnight so you didn't have to drive two hours in the snow late at night. Because I'm way too fucking nice. What the hell is wrong with you? Is it SO HARD to just actually be honest about something for one day in your entire pathetic life? This is a court document you loser. Get your shit together. For you it's always got to be ALL ABOUT YOU, doesn't it? Well get this, ass wipe, you're nothing.

No, I am not going out of my way to send you all the pictures I was so kind to take of you and your kids over the last few years. No, I am not going to pay to mail you the important documents I tried to give you when you were at the house that you forgot because you were so otherwise occupied with your indignant rage. Absolutely not until you give me back the two small things you took off with that are mine, that I have asked for multiple times, and that you have not returned to me. You're a coward. Run away with your tiny little tail between your gibbled up legs - it's basically the same size as your dick anyway, so it's not like anyone will be able to tell the difference.

No, I am not just going to roll over because you're big and mean and angry and want your way because you got caught putting your favourite toy in someone else's yard. Guess what? You know how organized I was with all the taxes and receipts and documents and documentation? Remember how nice that was? Well guess what. I'm taking it ALL to my lawyer, all of your information and all of the receipts for everything BEFORE I give it to you so that you can't hide things. Photocopies of ALL of it. Want to try to lie your way into my hard earned possessions and money and our of the shitstorm you created? Good fucking luck. Guess what else? You stormed off before I could even give you your copy of the prenup. I hope you waste a shit ton of money on your lawyer before you realize. You're so useless. You're nothing without me.

No, I am not giving you the single most expensive item in the house just because you feel entitled to it. I paid to furnish our ENTIRE home MYSELF. You are SO ENTITLED and I am SO GLAD I had the sense to INSIST on a prenup before I married you despite all of your bitching, whining, and moaning at the time. You are not getting a single freaking cent from me, you useless leech. Go be a bottom feeder somewhere else. Go leech a lifestyle you can't afford off of someone else. Oh, your child support payments are so high that you can't live anywhere but your parents' basement and you can't afford nice things like new clothes and vacations and nice dinners out that I always paid for? TOO BAD. I let you use me like a freaking ATM and debit card for WAY TOO LONG and I'll be in debt for YEARS because of you. I hope you squirm. I know no one who isn't a shitty bottom feeder like you will ever want anything to do with you now.

Good fucking riddance, as swipe. This divorce can't happen soon enough.

WellHowAboutThat - you must feel like you lost 50 pounds.

You go girl.

You disgust me. You just disgust me. I never felt disgust when I broke up with others. I just can't believe I was so taken in by you. I wish I could stop you from being out there.

Here is a quote from a letter of yours: "I could never repeat the same behaviour with you, any of it, because if I did it'd mean I was sick or a complete son of a bitch." (Your own italics)

Now, if I quoted that back to you, how would you twist it, you convoluted, sick, disgusting son of a bitch? What kind of loopholes would you come up with? I can just imagine it: Oh, no, I just fucked AP2 because I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing, and I've never behaved like that towards any of my ex girlfriends, so it has to do with my relationship with you, not my childhood or anything in me. No, no, my father screwing around on my mother and driving her to suicide has nothing to do with all of this, that's all psychoanalytic rubbish, it's all to do with the present and the way you don't let me "express my opinions". Oh, no, I'm not blaming you for everything, 100% of the responsibility is mine. No, really, I think like you do, I just said the opposite of what I mean. I can never express myself as precisely as you.

And I HEARD ALL THIS CRAP AND still believed in you and you managed to fuddle my mind with it! What did you DO to me? Look at me now. I'm a shadow of me, the me I knew. You fucking hollow nasty parrot in human clothing.

Well guess what you bastard, I'm going to get out of this, I'm going to regain myself, and guess what, you never will find yourself, or anyone else, because you don't HAVE a self to speak of and you don't know what another person IS. You just breathe, consume and imitate. You fucking hollow reptilian shell dressed in human clothes with your cold fish eyes, your spiderweb arguments and your inner NOTHINGNESS. I'm SO ANGRY at myself you hollwed me out too. But, I am going to forgive myself. I will forgive myself EVERYTHING and love myself and care for myself, always, and heal and be able to live. FUCK YOU YOU DISGUSTING VAMPIRE. YOU AREN'T GOING TO EAT ANY MORE OF ME AND I'M COMING BACK TO LIFE. LIFE IS THERE AND I'M GOING TO FIND IT. It will take a long time, too long, but I'm going to get there. FUCK YOU.

hang up your blood cell phone mr white slaver (SIers I'm not going crazy, or at least not totally - this is from a poem by Anne Carson)

Life is waiting for those of us with warm blood you fuckhead, it's just people like you who are destroying the world for us, psychos in suits, destroying love, selling us, devouring the world and spitting it out. And I'm going to embrace life like you, simply, can't. Your embrace is a cold shell I fell into and lost myself in. I'm not there anymore, I'm out of it, but it still kills me to remember it and I don't know what to do with all this pain. I HATE YOU.

[This message edited by Opinionsplease at 4:58 AM, January 7th (Thursday)]

Hi just posting today because I really, really want to break no contact. I am panicking and hyperventilating. This always happens when I get an email through the mediator from that ugly cheating loser. The emails are so cold. the mind movies are just playing in my head. EVERY TIME I read an email from him DEMANDING I speed the divorce process up, I picture him living it up with the other woman. Can't wait to get their life started together. I feel really used, rejected and out of control. It's like I am losing him all over again. The finality of it just hits me! I came close to calling him, just I don't know. It won't make a difference. He doesn't want me but it's like slowly I am losing my life and my dreams with him. he's a complete stranger. I am so scared. it's really over. I am so fucking SICK AND TIRED OF THIS FUCKING BASTARD RUINING MY DAY! I got the fucking email at 8 am! Wish he would just drop dead! It just sends me into a tailspin. I had so much fucking hopes for today. I have to CONCENTRATE on a fucking dissertation and every other, fucking day, its an email from him and the stupid mediator. it just makes me weep and it's debilitating. I AM SICK OF THAT FUCKING LOSER

[This message edited by Biggestmistake at 10:42 AM, January 7th (Thursday)]

Biggestmistake - try not to hyperventilate too much over this. Is it actually in your power to speed up the divorce process? If not, then view it as you would a request to provide a scoop of the moon - impossible and not even worth the time to think about. If it is possible, then do it. You need to be free of this. Who gives a shit what he is doing? It matters what YOU are doing.

Stay NC.

I know neborb. The good news is that I wrote on the board and reached out to a friend so no contact remains. I don't know how to explain it. Yes, it is in my best interest to speed things up and I have. I sent the mediation agreement to may attorney in November, I think. I have made the follow up calls. I have stated how I want this sped up. I have stated this to the attorney and the mediator and the loser! I get it! BUT IT FEELS LIKE ANOTHER FORM OF ABUSE THAT I KEEP GETTING THESE COLD EMAILS ABOUT THE FOLLOW UP. ASSHOLE IF THERE WAS A FOLLOW UP, YOU WOULD GET IT! Every time I get one of the emails its just another reminder--as if I am not living it. The emails feel like he is sticking it to me again. It is just a reminder that he is so fucking happy to have nothing to do with me and he is the pos who cheated and broke the marriage. I am really really aggravated.

Today was yet another fucking day he ruined. This morning I got my student evaluations and they were off the charts. It is something to be proud of. I was going to pay my bills then so some dissertation work WHICH TAKES MY CONCENTRATION. Then fucking boom, email from loser! I fall apart. Sick of it. Hope he drops dead. I know I am in a bad state right now but I can't help but feel it is ABUSIVE! It is cruel to fucking consistently REMIND your wife of 22 years that you cheated on how you can't wait to speed the divorce up! I am thinking of sending him an ultimatium such as now you listen here, you cheating loser. YOU don't make fucking demands of me anymore. My lawyer will get to it when he gets to it. The last person on this planet to make demands on me is you loser! hope you drop dead and if you don't I am going to report you to the fucking chancellor of your university. I am going to tell him I think you were fucking a student in your class and cheating on your wife.

Well, at least I didn't break contact. I didn't give that vermin any ego kibbles.

[This message edited by Biggestmistake at 12:42 PM, January 7th (Thursday)]

((Biggestmistake)) Keep it up.

thanks opinonsplease and neborb. This shit really sucks. praying for the day when I can live life not just enduring it. I just don't know who or if I can be put back together again. That monster broke me. I am changed. My innocence, my trust, my sense of safety, gone. I have a scream that is just building and building. wow, so this is life now

BM - I also feel I'll never regain myself but we WILL - just differently. In Sept-Oct last year I was in separatipn from Reptile until he crawled back. Then, I was beginning to feel transformed in quite an amazing way, strong though marked, and with exciting new ideas and joy and enthusiasm. It was not full on but it was there and I glimpsed it. It lasted until he came back and now I'm more completely wrecked but I KNOW I will get through it and so will you. I'm just sorry yours is hassling you. He wants to get to you - that is the aim. Try to distance yourself and not give hom that pleasure. Hugs.

I cannot be no contact, unfortunately, but can be no talk. So if I could talk to him right now, this is what I would say:

I want answers to questions, truthful ones, and you owe me that:

1. When you married me, did you already know that you wanted a wife and that she would take care of all the shit in your life that you didn't want to ever have to do? Like housework, shopping for bday presents for your family, picking up your dry cleaning, cleaning the litter box, arranging your appointments?

2. Did you think, when you married me, that marriage is perfect because you can saddle me up with kids, to keep me occupied, while you went out and had lots of fun?

3. Did you know that you had a problem with lying back then? Did you feel guilty telling me bullshit stories when we were dating, like, hey maybe this is misleading her? This lovely, smart, loyal girl?

4. Did you fully intend to make me "on a need to k ow basis?"

5. When I told you I valued independence and that I never wanted to be the jealous type wife, did you think to yourself "bingo! I got a keeper!"?

6. When you were lying to me, did you ever feel guilty?

7. When you were on business trips, having fun, getting wasted, driving sports cars, or playing golf, or watching sports, or strippers, did you feel guilty that I was home, changing dirty diapers or soothing a sick kid?

8. Did you feel guilty at all in Vegas or cally or wherever that you couldn't find time to call me? Or guilty that you were too drunk the night before so called me all hung over in the morning but claimed you just "caught something on the plane and you are so tired because you were working so hard?"

9. Did you feel guilty when you told lies about me, that I was "crazy, demanding, selfish" knowing damn well that I was NONE OF THOSE THInGS??

10. Did you flinch listening to yourself claim that you had to take the kids all over x,y,and z, knowing damn well I was doing ALL of it? That you were just LYING to make yourself look like superdad? When you were super-shit?

11. Do you feel that I was a possession to be kept, and that if I seemed a little put off by your antics, a nice present of a fancy car or jewelry would shut me up?

12. Did you think you could lie lie lie, have me call you out out out, and all you had to do was scare me because you KNEW I was too weak to ever leave??

13. Did you feel guilty at all hanging out at the strip club, wondering how the hell your wife's sexual needs would get met?

14. Did you develop a saint like relationship with my father, just to ensure I would never leave you? Since I adore my dad and would never want to hurt him? (How did that work out for you?)

15. Did you think that I didn't REALLy want a divorce... That you could swoon/scare/smear me out of it?

16. Do you realize you are completely responsible for fucking up another human beings life... At least 22 years of it?

17. Do you feel guilty when you bought your secretary gifts, took her places, let her drive you fancy car... And who knows what else... Did you think how I would feel when I found out?

18. Did you think I would never LEAVE you because you really were so good to me???

I am tired of not getting any answers. At least not any that I can believe. That's what happens when you lie all the fucking time. Nothing is believeBle. I know... Sorry... It is all MY fault, isn't it? That evil money grabbing police calling wife . It just sucks to be you, doesn't it? So victimized.

Fucker.

Biggestmistake -

I am thinking of sending him an ultimatium such as now you listen here, you cheating loser. YOU don't make fucking demands of me anymore.

Gently, he isn't the one that needs to be reminded of that. You are.

If I sent you an email right now and said, "BM, you are going to do this, this, and this for me. TODAY. Or else!" You'd be like - "WTFEver, nekorb." <<BM hits delete>>

Uninstall that button he keeps pushing.

Nekorb, you are so right. I know, my friend. For whatever reasons, the last couple of days have been so bad. I was making good progress and now free fall. I know there will be good days ahead. Just have to ride through these. Yes, I am responsible for my own emotions and actions. I just have been thinking about my marriage so much. I know I am mourning. its like the beginning stages once again. I am riding it out. giving into the emotions. I am laying in bed today. Tommorrow is another chance but today, I just have to curl up and experience the pain. I feel the depression and the physical symptoms of it. The good news is I am being taken care of. Mercifully, I can just grieve.

I just have to curl up and experience the pain.

Yep. There are days like that. Growth will follow. Those days will get fewer and farther between as well.

thanks guys. I want you to know that mercifully today is better and I am actually able to get some work done. I have even been able to help some other SI fellow sufferers, so today is better. Doing my work and just found a job that I might be a good fit for. Feeling today. Dont' know tomorrow or even how the day will end, but as of 12;48, I am improving. Thanks. Stay strong. AND THROUGHOUT IT ALL, I DID NOT BREAK CONTACT! I pm another member who is suffering through my situation and her help was invaluable too. So thank you my dear SI family. And I know I am not suppose to mention another site but last night I visited it and go some real tough love! She has no mercy for cheaters, so it did the trick.

So nice to hear that your very pregnant Mistress OWhore is in the hospital, and you were playing Monopoly with your brother. Sounds like nothing has changed!

Thank you so much for setting me free you worthless piece of shit