SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Ooh... yet another new development... this one is hot off of the presses.

STBXW's boyfriend's house is for sale. I am certain that he is planning on moving in with her.... which, of course, would make her ineligible for alimony in my state.

I've already let my attorney know this... my guess is that we will do nothing about it at trial.

My guess is that STBXW is not current on the laws in my state as far as alimony. She probably thinks that she is disqualified for alimony only if she gets married, but they changed the law a few years ago to include co-habitation (apparently, a lot of people were having "fake" wedding ceremonies and living as if they were married... but not actually legally married to keep the alimony money coming in).

I almost feel sorry for the guy. Imagine the scenario; he is all moved in, playing house with your narc stbex when they both find out she’s not getting any alimony.

I would pay good money to be a fly on the wall at that moment.

My response SHOULD HAVE BEEN what ZMW said. She's smarter than me.

Not sure that's true but I'll take it!!!!!!

As for all the rest, I completely understand where you are coming from and I agree that NPDSTBXWW is a scorpion. No WAY she's going to turn into a reasonable person, and if it ever appears that she is becoming one at some point in the future: be VERY careful, she only has her own demented interests at heart and can't be trusted.

I'm sending out MOJO that bf's house gets sold very rapidly so that he can move in with NPDSTBXWW and they can ride off into the sunset enjoying all the happiness they deserve.

Team barcher!!!!!

STBXW's boyfriend's house is for sale. I am certain that he is planning on moving in with her.... which, of course, would make her ineligible for alimony in my state.

Now this is going to make for a good Karma story... I can hear it now... Beep Beep

STBXW's boyfriend's house is for sale. I am certain that he is planning on moving in with her.... which, of course, would make her ineligible for alimony in my state.

I thought your calculations done a while back indicated that she wouldn't be entitled to spousal support? But now spousal support is back on the table?

There probably isn't sufficient time to petition for no alimony if they have not moved in together yet, as you would likely need third-party evidence, like shared utility bills, pay stubs from each of their respective jobs indicating their residence, etc.

Do you really think she tried to hack into your bank account? What purpose would that serve, as she could get copies of bank statements, mortgage stubs and the like via discovery. There's no purpose served by this action at all and a lot to lose.

Cat

Do you really think she tried to hack into your bank account? What purpose would that serve

She's a demented sicko!!!!!

I almost feel sorry for the guy.

I kind of do so far too. I've met him... I've talked to him a little and he seems like a nice guy. My kids like him and that's the important thing, right?

My GF and I have a plan to "kill him with kindness." For example, when the time is right, I plan to thank him for being good to my kids.

On the other side, I am pretty certain that he is an alcoholic. He has 5 alcohol related convictions, although they are all old so maybe he has it under control? I also know that he initially had 50% custody of his kids, but then his ex went to court and had his custody reduced. I'm not a lawyer, but my attorney has basically said that they only way to modify a custody agreement is to go to court and prove that the kids are endangered. I also know that he and my STBXW speak poorly of his ex in front of my kids, so that's not good either.

I also know that she has cheated on him (based on phone records). And he *has* to know that she cheated on me.

So, he has been warned. He's a grown up. He has his own demons too.

So, maybe I feel sorry for him... and maybe he deserves what is going to happen to him.

Imagine the scenario; he is all moved in, playing house with your narc stbex when they both find out she’s not getting any alimony.

With the caveat that it is the judge's decision to make, I don't think that she is going to get alimony anyway. I have a new guess on how the judge will rule and my GF mentioned it to her attorney (completely uninvolved in my case) and that attorney said that it sounded like a very plausible outcome.

The one piece of good news from STBXW's perspective... is that I have to wait a year after the judge's decision before I can go back to court and request a modification. So, it's possible that my attorney will bring this up in court next week anyway.

We'll see.

I thought your calculations done a while back indicated that she wouldn't be entitled to spousal support? But now spousal support is back on the table?

My calculations were sufficiently compelling to my attorney that she immediately retained an expert witness/CPA to testify at trial (which he has -- and he was awesome). His calculations were consistent with mine (although some of the inputs changed, thanks for a COVID-related salary cut for me).

All of that aside, testimony and evidence are not the same as an agreement or a judge's ruling. How do you not understand that? I thought that your best friend's cousin's roommate from college clerked for a judge while you were in grade school, thus making you a legal expert?

Do you really think she tried to hack into your bank account? What purpose would that serve, as she could get copies of bank statements, mortgage stubs and the like via discovery. There's no purpose served by this action at all and a lot to lose.

Yes, I do. Without a doubt. She has tried to hack my other accounts before... so I had to change all of my usernames and passwords. I left this one alone because I could not change my username (which is why I had to cancel the account... that's the only way to get a new username).

Why would anyone else want access to my online mortgage account (not my bank account)? The only thing that you can get from that account is the mortgage statements and make payments.

As far as STBXW's purpose? How am I supposed to understand the logic of a demented, narcissistic asshole like STBXW? My best guess is that part of her motivation is ignorance... she doesn't know what is there and she wanted to see. Or, as ZMW says:

She's a demented sicko!!!!!

Brother how much does one person have to go through before she decides to play fair?

One day at a time.

Barcher- you mentioned

The one piece of good news from STBXW's perspective... is that I have to wait a year after the judge's decision before I can go back to court and request a modification

That statement is generally true... for a modification. If your X were to re-marry, it isn't considered a modification to cease alimony payments (unless the decree would be worded to require that action). So the decree awards alimony for specific period, until remarriage/co-habitation or death of one of the parties. Your attorney would want to make sure the verbage covers the co-hab. Then you need to find out how to prove the co-hab (a marriage is easier to prove)- get that answer now while you are actively engaged with your attorney. Cheaper than having to pay hourly for the answer later. Hopefully you would just have to provide the evidence to your attorney and they can file a motion to end alimony. (My X just died - he didn't need to get a modification to cease paying)

Fingers crossed alimony isn't even awarded - that would keep it simple for ya!

Cat's right -your STBX could get those mortgage records - but her attorney would have to get them thru official channels. She may be fishing without her attorney's knowledge.

Brother how much does one person have to go through before she decides to play fair?

I am never planning on her playing fair again. I am never planning on trusting her again on anything, no matter how small.

The funny thing is that she literally testified that I strictly follow the parenting plan as it was signed. She clearly meant it as a criticism, but I am certain that my lawyer and the judge noted that I literally follow the parenting plan according to everyone, including STBXW.

So, I have that going for me, which is nice.

That statement is generally true... for a modification. [stuff deleted for the sake of brevity] Your attorney would want to make sure the verbage covers the co-hab. Then you need to find out how to prove the co-hab (a marriage is easier to prove)- get that answer now while you are actively engaged with your attorney. Cheaper than having to pay hourly for the answer later. Hopefully you would just have to provide the evidence to your attorney and they can file a motion to end alimony.

I've let my attorney know about everything -- she's very good.

Generally speaking, I try to let my attorney know everything and then she picks and chooses what is the correct path to follow in court/negotiations. It's been a really good working relationship, tbh. I think that she was initially reluctant to disagree with me, assuming that I had to have everything my way because I'd already fired two attorneys but that was an incorrect assumption. Literally, the biggest "disagreements" have occurred when I was willing to settle for something and she felt like we could get more.

Also: My kids have been talking about the new BF moving into their house for several months and I have informed my attorney about that too. More recently, they talked about how BF was not around as much because he was busy painting his house. I put 2+2 together and checked for new real estate listings and voila!

(the above paragraph is for those of you who like to misinterpret everything that I say and twist it into something... I didn't ask my kids about any of this stuff... they freely offered it).

Fingers crossed alimony isn't even awarded - that would keep it simple for ya!

At this point, I'd take a couple hundred a month in alimony for a few years.... that would still be a savings of more than $1000 per month for me compared to what I am currently paying, which would allow me to quit my handyman job (I'm sick of working 70-80 hours per week).

your STBX could get those mortgage records - but her attorney would have to get them thru official channels. She may be fishing without her attorney's knowledge.

Yes, she could. She could also get them through unofficial channels (i.e., just ask me for them... I'd turn them over... there's nothing interesting there).

The thing is, though, she doesn't know what is available to her and... as the saying goes... curiosity kills the cat.

If ex co-habitates and there is a non cohabitation clause for alimony in the divorce document, then couldn't you just file contempt charges as she isnt following the document as written? Court could change the document to eliminate alimony at that time and possibly refund alimony already paid if you can prove date of cohabitation.

Not sure why you should have to wait a year for modifications.

[This message edited by hcsv at 11:01 AM, October 14th (Wednesday)]

Not sure why you should have to wait a year for modifications.

If alimony terminates at marriage or cohabitation, he wouldn't have to wait a year.

If there is a major change of circumstances (such as the XW getting a job at three times her current salary), he may not have to wait (it depends on the laws of the state).

Finally, since the parties have a property settlement already, there is really no value in her getting mortgage statements that she probably already has accessed in discovery. That part is DONE, and in most states, unless you can prove fraud or wrongful concealment, it is permanent. In most states, only alimony and child support are subject to modification. I assume that she is already off the note and the deed on this particular piece of property.

Cat

Not sure why you should have to wait a year for modifications.

I am not a lawyer. But, I read my state's statutes and they explicitly stated that modifications to the original divorce judgement needed to wait at least a year.

Right now, they are possibly/probably living together (i.e,. I think that he stays at her house most of the time), but he still clearly maintains his own residence... so I don't know how the judge would look at that.

But, say if he sells his house and moves in with her... then I think that I have to wait a year.

I am talking to my lawyer on Monday... I'm sure that we will discuss it. She and I haven't communicated much since the last day that we were in trial... I have sent her a few thoughts here and there by email and I have written down a bunch of others... but she'll decide the strategy for my testimony next week.

Of course, check with your attorney, but I believe that cohabitation or remarriage is an automatic end to alimony if your agreement is written that way. Our agreement was written that spousal support terminated upon date of remarriage. The wording will be important here, but your attorney should have it covered.

Cohabitation would be tougher to prove, but if he is getting things like bank statements, auto loan or insurance bills, or credit card statements at her address, it should be straightforward to prove cohabitation. Of course, he could always get a PO box . . . I would ask how you would go about proving cohabitation in this instance.

Cat

I believe that cohabitation or remarriage is an automatic end to alimony if your agreement is written that way. Our agreement was written that spousal support terminated upon date of remarriage.

Three key points:

1. There will not be an agreement. There will be a ruling by the judge.

2. This is not your divorce or your agreement.

3. Laws vary by State. My State's laws are almost certainly different than yours.

hey barch, are you meeting your L in person or are you prepping over the phone (or facetime/zoom/ whatever)? And how close to the hearing time will that take place?

Take really good care of yourself over this next week, this should all be over soon.

(But isn't that what we all thought last time?? - never mind!!)

((((barcher))))

hey barch, are you meeting your L in person or are you prepping over the phone (or facetime/zoom/ whatever)? And how close to the hearing time will that take place?

We're meeting on Monday via Zoom. I'm not worried about my attorney... she'll be prepared. Trial, part 2 is on Thursday.

One slight worry is that my witness from work (STBXW's attorney is alleging all sorts of misconduct with my pay) has now been officially subpoenaed and I am not sure what she is going to be bringing with her as far as evidence. It's a long story... but I know the truth (because it was my life), but STBXW's attorney can twist things into making it look like I am lying.

Take really good care of yourself over this next week, this should all be over soon.

I'm trying. Since the last trial date, I have had a relapse of depression symptoms that I assumed were caused by listening to STBXW disparage me for three or four hours. I got better, but now I am having some physical symptoms (severe leg/joint pain) that may or may not be connected to my mental health... and the physical symptoms are definitely hurting my mental health.

I don't have my kids this weekend... so I can take it easy and get my shit together or at least that is what I am telling myself.

Since the last trial date, I have had a relapse of depression symptoms that I assumed were caused by listening to STBXW disparage me for three or four hours.

Yes, this is why I've been worried about you. And don't listen to her (Charlie Brown teacher). She's got nothing valid to say so you can ignore her self-serving drivel.

but now I am having some physical symptoms (severe leg/joint pain)

I'm so sorry to hear this. Try not to overwork, either your usual job or your handymanning. Relax as best you can. You deserve to have only positivity in your life.

Hang in there, I'm right there behind you.

((((barcher))))