Are you doing ok? I hope things go better for you this time.
Yes, I am doing well, if not very well. I've learned that I suffered a shit-ton of trauma from my marriage (that goes beyond the infidelity) and I am slowly recovering from that. I tend to trigger over weird things, unexpectedly, but even those events are becoming less frequent and less strong.
Thankfully, my GF "gets it" and we manage it all well. She's describes me as a "rescue puppy" and that works. It also helps that I reciprocate the support (her ex was an alcoholic, so we're both rescue puppies).
Also, I am now fully off of antidepressants and I am doing well. I don't have any scheduled appointments with my psychiatrist.
I still talk to my therapist once a month, but that will probably stop once the COVID-pandemic ends... meaning, I am seeing her because it's easy (Zoom meetings) but I'll stop doing these once they require that I drive to her office for a session. Mostly, I pay my therapist to gossip for an hour, once per month. The sessions are "here is what happened" and here is how I acted appropriately or here is how I acted inappropriately and here is what I should have done (or here is how I should have prevented the incident entirely).
Did you ask your attorney if moving in with your girlfriend will have any bearing on your case or give you exposure you don't need?
Yes, this was cleared with my attorney long ago. This is not a full divorce trial, but rather a trial to determine the amount of money that I will have to pay for alimony and for child support.
We have already divided our possessions and determined custody amounts; these parts are signed by both of us and by the judge (so, I often joke that I am 2/3 divorced). I might be bringing up the fact that STBXW has repeatedly violated the parenting agreement already, but I doubt it (based on my knowledge of my attorney... she'd just say these are minor issues and not worth fighting about).
The main issue with me moving in with my GF would be my budget. One aspect of the alimony argument is that STBXW needs to demonstrate that she cannot afford to meet her budget (so, as you might guess... her budget is INFLATED) and then after that... she needs to demonstrate that I can afford to pay alimony. So, moving in my with GF would reduce my expenses and thus make it possible that I could more easily afford alimony. However, I needed to buy a car and so I now have a car payment, so my expenses did not change (FYI: my old car had 200,000+ miles on it... my new car is a Prius... so this "new car" will not seem frivolous).
The other thing, and my lawyer agrees with this, is that STBXW's request for alimony is pretty weak. She needs to prove that she has sacrificed her career trajectory for the sake of the marriage and the children. She literally has had the SAME JOB since before we got married, albeit with two large promotions in the interim.
The main issues, to be honest, are going to be misconduct by STBXW's attorney and a mistake made by the judge in his temporary ruling from last year.
Both my salary and STBXW's salary are murky. My contract is similar to a teacher's in which I get paid for 9 months of work, but I can take on extra work voluntarily (like coach a sports team, teach summer school, etc) to get more money. I have done this for much of the last decade to make STBXW happy. So, what is my salary? Is it my 9-months of guaranteed work? Or is it the 12-months of potential earnings? The judge ruled last year that it was on my 9-month contract. STBWX and her attorney refuse to acknowledge the judge's ruling for negotiations, insisting on my 12-month salary. Similarly, STBXW has worked only 30 hours per week for the past decade and she thinks that should be her salary for computing child support and alimony, whereas the law is CLEAR (as far as I can tell) that absent special circumstances... voluntarily underemployed individuals should have their salary computed on their full-time equivalent. I've offered to go with STBXW's 30-hour salary and my 12-month salary, but they have refused.
The other two issues are related to the temporary ruling. (1) The judge ruled that my 9-month salary is appropriate and STBXW asked for 55% of my salary... which he awarded, but he awarded 55% of my 12-month salary. So, I estimate that I have been over-paying her by about $1200 per month, which now totals more than $15,000. As a result, I have had to take a second job as a handyman to not drown in debt (I'm still massively in debt). (2) In his temporary ruling, the judge penalized me for failing to sign over my mental health records promptly and made me pay STBXW $1500 to compensate her for unnecessary legal fees. In his ruling, he cited that I had hid my treatment by XXX Mental Health Clinic, according to STBXW's attorney. The problems here are that I never have received any treatment from XXX Mental Health Clinic and I never included XXX Mental Health Clinic as one of my providers. STBXW's attorney went to the judge the week prior to the temporary hearing and complained about this and she even mentioned it at the hearing (and I found another provider this week, which he has hidden!). So, we need to revisit this (with a letter from XXX Mental Health Clinic stating that I never received treatment there)... and ask for the $1500 back plus probably more to compensate me for wasting my money to fight this BS). I'll also be filing an ethics complaint against STBXW's attorney after this ordeal is over with the State bar.
I hope you can get this thing done and over with this time.
Ha! STBXW is a narcissist. This won't be over until all three kids emancipate. She will still try to be in my life after that, I'm guessing.
September 24th will be here before you know it.
I am way too excited about the end of this nightmare. I feel like Mel Gibson at the end of Braveheart: FREEDOM!
[This message edited by barcher144 at 10:17 AM, August 11th (Tuesday)]
