SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm glad you get to carve out a little bit of peace in this insane scenario. Enjoy your day.

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:28 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

I wouldn't have any contact with the guy. It would give them both pleasure thinking they are getting to you and they would make it out to the court as if you are threatening financial consequences. She will undoubtedly ask the court to have you pay for the car. When the court learns that there was a perfectly serviceable car there for her all the time, I suspect he will deny her request and you will then have the last laugh.

So what is she planning? I was thinking about your question today. She may be too far gone mentally to actually have a semi-rational plan, but this thought struck me. So she is going to counseling. And also perhaps counseling separately with the pastor. And perhaps she suddenly has a revelation. And perhaps she suddenly realizes she wants to R and stay married. And so she calls on the pastor and counselor to talk you into giving it a shot; because she thinks you can be cajoled, coerced and or wooed into agreeing. And so she doesn't have to give up the house and pool; and doesn't have to go to work at a real job; and has you around to cook and fix things and care for the kids; and you bring home money for her to spend. And because of her free daytime schedule - she can continue right on, although much more carefully and quietly now, with seeing the OM during your working hours. Not as frequently as now, but he is probably getting tired of too much togetherness anyway.

Probably more scheming than she is capable of.

Stay strong!

Get the ugliest, aggressive, pit bull of a lawyer you can find, get this over with, next thing you will find is a bill for new Scuba gear.

Definitely get a pitbull of a lawyer. Seriously. Very seriously.

Second, just be glad it's the schmuck of an OM paying for her vanity car and phone and not you. I hope you snicker when you think of all the things that asshole is going without so your wife can drive a rental car and text on a cell phone to his creepy self. He's probably eating Ramen and rationing toilet paper. And you're still supporting the bulk of her life, too - just imagine the rude awakening this idiot will get when she puts her hand out for more, and more, and more.

It honestly makes me cringe to imagine your WW as one of my friends, thinking of the things that would be going through my mind if she "bragged" that her OM rented her a car, or bought her a secret cell phone. I'd think how cheap it sounded, how trashy. To go from a home, children, a husband, solidity, commitment, shared retirement, a car, the luxury of not working - to go from that to a rental car and a secret cell phone? It's like going from real solid gold to the crap ring that leaves your finger green. I still don't know how she isn't feeling ashamed at her roll in the muck. Ick.

Sorry, I know that's not helpful as far as advice, but all I can think to say in that realm is that she's acting like someone not in their right mind, and crazy people do crazy things you never thought they were capable of. So honestly, the pitbull attorney is your absolute best bet. If yours isn't already getting aggressive, you should get a new one.

Just reading some of the other stories here where men have faced this type of changed wife - well, it makes me shudder. The best defense is a strong offense, and all that.

If she got the rental car by using his credit card number, I would stay out of it and let her deal with it.

Is the van back?

[This message edited by k9lover1 at 7:38 AM, July 20th (Tuesday)]

TCMM, since she made the deal with the om to rent her a car, I don't see how you are going to be liable for that, it's her debt to repay. She entered into a contract with om for the rental vehicle and she will be liable for repayment of that debt, not you.

I do not know of any state that has a law which requires a man to buy his wife a vehicle. If there were I'd be driving a Jaguar right now.

Please check in your area and see if there are any men's equal rights organizations! My son is fighting his xgf for visitation rights so he can see his daughter. We cannot afford ten grand for an attorney and found a group for men in Houston last week that is so amazing! The help is invaluable and I'm sure there are some groups like that where you live. Check into that. And get a bulldog attorney asap and stop the madness.

I think the reason she is suddenly going to counseling (if she ever actually goes) is to try and make herself look better when it comes time for court. She's been playing all along and you've been working.

Peace and strength!!!

TCMM just wondering, since you have officially filed and knowing that she spends more time with OM than your family, do you still give her money? You are the care giver, what does your lawyer say? Has she told you anyhing about living arraingements? Where is she going with your children? Is she going to workfull time or is trailer park boy going to support her? Has she said anything about the appraisal?

Your children being given pool toys by the Other Man is certainly a violation of the spirit, if not the letter, of the law that states there is to be no third party contact between your daughters and your wife's boyfriend.

Michigan law states "A divorce cannot be granted in less than 60 days. Where there are minor children the parties must wait 6 months. However, the 6-month period may be waived upon a proper showing of circumstances warranting same. No divorce is granted without a court hearing as to the truth of the statements made in the Complaint."

Your situation should certainly warrant an expedited divorce. She spends all of her free time with this man. She is gone from the family home overnight and all weekend. The intent of the six month waiting period was to give both parties an opportunity to reconcile their differences. She has made NO attempt to do this. She spoke openly in front of the Friend of the Court about her desire to remarry immediately after your divorce is final.

Your lawyer needs to move this along or else I'd interview some other lawyers with barracuda reputations. And the men's equal rights group might be a good place to network and find someone in your area with that reputation. That group was a great idea from Crushed1.

I think the reason she is suddenly going to counseling (if she ever actually goes) is to try and make herself look better when it comes time for court. She's been playing all along and you've been working.

This was my thought....somewhere there is a glimmer, no matter what she presents to you, that she is not looking so good and so wants something, anything to brush up her image a little. Since the pastors already know what she's up to, she might came away disappointed in that attempt.

I still worry that although you may end up with custody of the girls, but since your son is not yours legally, he may end up with her. What a travesty, particularly in view of the potential diagnosis of Aspergers.

Hi TCMM, hope you're doing ok today.

anhedonia's post has some valuable info!!!

Your children being given pool toys by the Other Man is certainly a violation of the spirit, if not the letter, of the law that states there is to be no third party contact between your daughters and your wife's boyfriend.

Michigan law states "A divorce cannot be granted in less than 60 days. Where there are minor children the parties must wait 6 months. However, the 6-month period may be waived upon a proper showing of circumstances warranting same. No divorce is granted without a court hearing as to the truth of the statements made in the Complaint."

Your situation should certainly warrant an expedited divorce. She spends all of her free time with this man. She is gone from the family home overnight and all weekend.

Talk to your attorney, be proactive and point out the above law, hopefully you'll be out of this hell much sooner. Good luck (((TCMM))).

My thougts exactly, leapyearbaby.

TCCM, have you found out anything more about this "diagnosis"? First off, I find it incredibly suspect that Asperger's could come even close to being diagnosed during a routine physical. I can tell you from experience that it takes extensive testing to be oficially diagnosed. And even after extensive testing, it's no hardline, cut and dry diagnosis.

I surely hope there is a way you can get full custody of your son. I feel for him if he ends up with your wife because I feel she would never have what it takes to provide for him emotionally or otherwise. It takes a very dedicated parent that more times than naught involves being your own child's advocate to navigate the educational system to provide such a child even basic, fundamental needs. It often means having to fight for your child's rights and it takes a lot of dedication and devotion to ensure the child receives the best therapy/education. I can't tell you how often educators and healthcare professionals have told me they wish all parents had the dedication I've had in providing everything we can for our daughter. They've all said they've seen horrible examples of parents that just can't be bothered. Something tells me your wife would fall into that category. The fact that she often leaves the children home so she can go out with her OW astounds me.

I hope that with your diligent documentation that courts will plainly see who these children should be with.

I wish you all the best.

Not to be a wet blanket, anhedonia and crushed, I have never seen a divorce in MI with kids end before 6 months. If anything, it will probably go longer once the true legal wrangling starts. I know that it seems like TCMM's wife is behaving badly (and she is!), but I have worked with people that make her look like mom of the year. I have a co-worker going through a divorce right now that she filed in January. She has been whoring around with many different guys and playing games the whole time. Her divorce might be final in September, and her BH is too dumb to contest much.

I like the idea of getting a shark lawyer, though. I think when one is a BS it is easy to just lay down and roll over, thinking it is in the best interest of the kids. But TCMM's wife (like my co-worker) isn't thinking about the kids.

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:28 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

Glad to hear you found a more agressive attorney. You're right, turn the heat up.

Ciao

TCMM

My heart goes out to you. I've tried to not comment because everyone else has been saying what I would say. But..... I can't believe she won't drive a "horrible mini van", but she doesn't mind using a USED toilet sitting by the road. Personally, I think she may have some medical issue that has changed her personality so much. I am just so thankful that you are there for your kids.

Tulip-Dude, you're alright!!! Things will get better for you, I really believe that.

Keep all the text messages as evidence of her instability.

And unleash that attorney!

(((TCMM)))

My advice to you is to read and study all you can from the "Father's rights" websites and books that are available.

We have many men here on SI who are unfortunately, all too familiar with psycho WS's and all that that entails.

If you don't mind a tiny bit of advice from an SI supporter and fan of your work (!), I would say this:

Reevaluate your goals, take note of your priorities and focus of that. HARD.

I think that you are doing marvelously but IMO, there is still too much contact with your WS about things that aren't worth your time.

This whole toilet thing is an example. Your toilet leaks, your WS has complained about it, you decide it needs replacing and you choose one and do it. Why does she get to vote?

The whole exchange about the one on the side of the road, while amusing is unnecessary.

Despite the fact that she is exhibiting strange behavior (which you should of course be documenting) as a father, you will probably still be facing an uphill battle to get full custody of your kids. It's unfair but a fact-it's harder for a dad.

Your kids so need your stability, your love, your strength and your consistenty as they go through these awful changes in their lives and you not only have to be the one providing it, you are the one who has the hard job of minimizing the crazy.

You no longer have your wife, my friend. This strange life form that took over her body is all that remains. You have to do everything you can to marshal your energies towards the goal of keeping yourself and your family safe. Extranious exchanges with a whack job does nothing to accomplish this goal.

DO NOT ENGAGE. Hard 180, new lawyer. Refocus on kids. Wall off the WS somewhere in the house where she is least disruptive to the family and leave her alone.

Start a new thread, soliciting advice from some of our resident SI Dad experts and start your notebook or online journal (MAKE SURE TO KEEP IT SAFE!!)

Make a plan with your lawyer and stick to the plan.

Learn to talk to WS in a disengaged, non confrontational, business like way (ala Catwoman)

Most of all, VENT here all you want and know that 1000's of people from all over support you and wish you all the best.

((((TCMM and kids)))

This is not funny, none of this is funny, it's emotional and mental abuse at its 'finest' and you do not deserve one bit of it.

But I do have to say you are a bad ass to go through this every day and keep your sense of humor.

This just about had me in tears:

And if I accept the toilet from the OM, what will the birds have to bathe in behind his trailer? Won’t someone think of the trailer park birds?

Hang in there. She is going to get hers.