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Shockleader,

I got some of these as well. She also vomited out:

"It just happened."

"I was looking for what was lacking at home."

"I didn't betray the kids, only you."

"If it wasn't for you I would not have done this."

...among other classics.

Yes, she blames me, blames the marriage, blames her mother, and any other convenient and safe scapegoat. She had the help of her dysfunctional "friends" to enable, support, condone, and hide the affair from me and my sons. They did so because they fuck-around on their husbands as well and now none of them can judge the other.

She is a total lost cause. She has gone so contrary to just about every value she was raised with. She will spend the rest of her life

"irrationalizing" to herself to justify her dysfunctional behavior. She will never have the esteem to handle the immense guilt for what she has done.

I have filed for divorce. She has asked about going to MC and working on "fixing what is broken" - in the marriage, mind you, not in her. She will cling to "blame the spouse/marriage" until pried from her cold dead hands.

Your WW sounds like a classic sociopath - just like mine. It is remarkable how someone can descend into such an abyss. They know very well that they did something to another that they would never, ever want anyone to do to them and now they just want to run away from their conscious ugliness.

[This message edited by keptmyword at 1:58 PM, January 3rd (Thursday)]

"Would you mind if he and I date?"

Sorry, but that made me laugh. Uber-craziness.

...but I don't see it can help me."

My response, "ya, I think you're right."

I feel so bad for you that you have to endure this. Know that the rest of us BH's (and BW's) are right there with you.

Shockleader you are indeed a trooper as are many of us around here that had and have to put up with this bullshit.

I really don't mean to laugh and my wife's spewed out a few of these herself but this

I only kissed her titty.

and

"Would you mind if he and I date?"

had me dying over here.

"I don't see why this (A) affects you" (said to DD, who then violently, convulsively cried to the point of exhaustion, and the very reason she is in IC, and will be for along time)

Jesus, how could a mother say that to her child? Just awful.

"You are making too much of this. I never planned to leave you."

I am such a lucky woman!

I just got these ones a couple Weeks ago (2+ years after the A ended)

"you need to grow up"

"she's the only other person that's liked me in that way other then you" (in regards to the why question)

"I shut down and don't talk because we have the same conversation/argument every 2 Weeks" (well duh you shut down, so I never get my answers, then I bring it up again because I still need them answered)

"I want to love you again but don't know how"

There's a crap load more but these are all from the last month

'Get over it, your mother will find someone in a month or two'

Said to our kids two weeks after dday. And many, many times after.

Hmm, depressing, but it always amazes me just how well cheaters follow the handbook.

I was thinking of a few more I have been told since D-Day:

"So, now that you filed D on me, it's screw the bitch time"

"Dad, why are you taking all of moms money" (STBXWW poisoning of DD mind during the time I served her copy papers of the D, and came back home later)

"All you are doing is building up an army against me" (Said when I talk to family and friends about the A, seeking help/guidance/shoulder to cry on)

"I want you to be happy and find peace, I just don't know how to fix you (SL)"

"Look DD, I bet dad would get this for his girlfriend"(while looking over her latest Victoria Secrets catalog... What kinda sick crap is that to say Post D-Day?)

"Yeah, at least he would listen to me, and actually enjoy my company."

"silence" (what I heard after I asked her what kind of person runs out after dropping your D-Day bomb, stays the night in a hotel that you paid cash with, then in the morning are out riding motorcycles with the OPOS.)

"Your dad is probably out picking up women in a bar" (what was said to DD because I returned home late from clothes/groc shopping after a IC session, and was doing the 180.)

"I hope you find someone who is pretty, just not as pretty as me" (said she was joking, ah-huh, narcissist much?)

"You know what your dad thinks DD, that I'm having sex with other people" (yelled in a histrionic rage, screaming she was leaving to go outa state, DD hanging on to her... Gaslight, and enjoy inflicting pain much?)

"OK fine, I'll just live the rest of my life miserable, and live just like we did before (the A), but I can do it." (understand, she fully meant this also included her staying at her job without NC, still wanting involvement with a MOM, but not D because of $$$$$$$$ loss)

"I'm just going to run away all by myself to a one bedroom apartment, work at Target, and drink wine" (her shoe collection wouldn't fit in a one BR apartment. Nice wash my hands of all the shit you have scattered.)

"You are being so over dramatic." (told to me when I said a part of me and DD has been destroyed by your A)

"You threw me under the bus" (said angrily to me after the OPOS W left our home after tearing STBXWW a new one. I "threw her under the bus" by diffusing a potentially very violent situation, by telling the BW that I was sorry for what my W had done.)

I'm sure I will recall more, and as said earlier in this thread, you can't make this shit up!

After 11 months of intensive R that included IC & MC for both.

Me (BS): I found a hand written note to OM today telling him you missed your A and wanting to start up again.

Her (WW): "I wrote that nasty sex note to OM 1, no wait 3, no wait 6 months ago! I only wrote it because my IC told me to do it as an exercise. She wanted me to see what a bad person I was back then! How could you even think I could cheat again after all I've done to help you though this!?"

She left the very next day. Then 1 week later:

Me: I see you emailed OM begging him to have sex with you again. Did your IC tell you to do this too?

Her: NO, that was just me being stupid again.

Ya think!!!

I filed for D the very next day.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 3:54 PM, January 3rd (Thursday)]

Response to my WTF were you thinking?? Ws said, uh yea I was thinking it was wrong and you would probably be mad if you found out.

His response to my, how dare that bitch do this especially since she knows our family, ws said, she asked if you would be upset and I told her you would be ok with it

Stupid assholes!!!

My WH has spewed out a lot of gems. Just the other night he said to me...

"You know, you could just choose to be happy. Thats a choice you can make." (Regarding my unhappiness at being married to a man who would betray me so deeply).

So your choice was to fuck 40 or so whores and now you want me to choose to be happy about being married to a whore-fucker??!! Seriously?????

Well, I have a hard time forgetting my W saying she gave ow a ring and 'felt it was sort of an engagement ring, since we couldn't get married.' Alas, she was referring to the lack of M equality in Illinois, not to the fact that she was already in an M....

When she told me this, we were in R, and she was just answering a question. She knew what she was reporting wasn't real or good. She wasn't being nasty (which so many of my brothers and sisters have had to endure), but I think this ranks close to the top of the stupidity scale. Ah, well, don't they all?

[This message edited by sisoon at 4:51 PM, January 3rd (Thursday)]

How about "you're the one that keeps bringing her back by talking about her all time". Never mind he spends hours facebooking the ho when I'm at work! No desire to be an open book.

How about "she will never be what you are to me". Then why the hell is she still around?

My dad has brain cancer so he says that I use that to make the pain of his affair more apparent. Ya, like it doesn't hurt. And it doesn't hurt to know that when you are going through one of the worst times in your life that your husband is cheating too!

This shit is for the birds!

"See, you asking me about it is why it could never work out with us"

This is what I have heard the most...actually said, or implied.

Also..

.

"I didn't know she was a prostitute."

"I told her no, but she just kept asking."

"She said her kids needed money."

"Yes, I sent a picture of my erect penis to a stranger on the internet USING MY WORK EMAIL, but it wasn't sexual in nature to me."

I could go on.

"See, you asking me about it is why it could never work out with us"

This is what I have heard the most...actually said, or implied.

Also..

.

"I didn't know she was a prostitute."

"I told her no, but she just kept asking."

"She said her kids needed money."

"Yes, I sent a picture of my erect penis to a stranger on the internet USING MY WORK EMAIL, but it wasn't sexual in nature to me."

I could go on.

So many gems, it's difficult to know which to choose.

I too got:

I never planned to leave you. (meaning: Why would I when I felt entitled to stay in my comfortable home complete with housekeeper, childcare, financial management, personal assistant, detached sex, etc. AND have a fantasy love affair on the side?)

I haven't done anything to the kids.

But I especially love:

Would it have hurt you if you hadn't found out?

This after he betrayed me, our kids, the sanctity of our home and our relationship for almost 7 years while bad mouthing me as frigid, a bad mother and a basic all-around joyless bitch--can't think why I would have been unhappy or unexcited to jump on an angry, detached asshole every time he walked in the door).

And, a personal favorite:

Me: You told her that you wanted to fuck her in the shower of our home.

him: Why do you have to say it like that?

sorry, I guess I don't see it as a big, romantic moment of true luurrrve and the marriage of souls.

[This message edited by NowWhat106 at 6:07 PM, January 3rd (Thursday)]

"I loved fuc king her." (He was drunk but still said it)

"You killed my dream of sailing"

(Mind you I bought him 2 sailboats in a period of thirteen years.)

WH 2 weeks after dday: "I went out with OW a few nights ago to tell her to her face I couldn't see her anymore."

One week later:

Me: "why did you send OW two texts today?"

WH: "To tell her I didn't want to see her or talk to her anymore."

Me: "You already did that, when you took her out last week! Why are you re-telling her?"

WH: "To sort of put a stamp on it I guess. It felt good to send a text to her."

Few weeks later. WH: "I haven't seen or talked to OW at all since dday. Well, I ran into her once or twice at a couple of bars, but I just said hi, and left."

Few weeks after that. WH: "I haven't seen her ONCE since DDAY." (shortly after I saw his truck parked in front of her apartment and discovered he had been living with her the whole time)

Forgot this one:

Me: if you were getting tired of the relationship and wanted to end it, you had plenty of time over 6 and a half years to do so. Why didn't you just stop?

Him: I didn't want anyone to think ill of me.

Me: um, no, you didn't want HER to think ill of you. You obviously didn't give a shit about what I might feel.

Yeah, I HAD to keep telling her that I wanted to sleep with her and had always been in love with her because, otherwise, she might have thought I wasn't a great guy. What a shame THAT would have been.