SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Maybe that is my problem? I mean she's still here, and even though we slept in separate beds last night, this morning she called in sick to work, and came to my spare bedroom & had ourselves a crying session, reminiscing on all the good times we had, & how hard this is going to be.

Careful, friend. If she REALLY wants to R, put this book in her lap. Best $10 I ever spent:

"How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair"

http://www.lindajmacdonald.com/Mini-Books.html

As you say, it may be that there is just too much damage already done for you to even want to R. And that's okay; it is an individual choice, unique to each of us. You did give her a chance, and she squandered it. Consequences.

Whatever you do, please don't fall for "rug-sweeping" (moving on without doing the work) and what we call "hoovering" (that's where the WW showers the BH with affection and sex in an attempt to win him back).

A's are like a drug for the WS. There is a dopamine released in the brain very much like drug addiction, and the WS's get addicted to that high. Unfortunately, she attended that high more than she did your M.

It sucks, upsidedown. It really does. So sorry you're here. Take your time. Be good to yourself. Focus on YOU.

Good luck, man.

Are you doing the right thing, that is up to what you feel. The emotions will be going up and down a great deal from anger, to depression to confusion.

Just my opinion, she did have sex with this guy, more than once. She is lying obviously.

If you can handle the fact she had a sexual affair and IF she does everything required, than you can stay together. But if a sexual affair is something you will not deal with, then you should file for the divorce now.

Do not kick her out of the house, if she says she will just leave, fine, ignore her, but do not force her out of her own home, which could look bad and is probably illegal.

Do you know the OMs name, didnt you say that she cropped his name out of those emails. Has she told you his name?

Is she still working at that job?

There is a lot she needs to do in order to stay together, and one is to quit and the second is to be totally honest and stop the childish lying with lame excuses.

If she knows you will divorce her if they had sex, do not expect the truth, just file for the divorce and be done is a sexual affair is beyond what you can recover from.

She certainly is lying though and the continued contact is somewhat common when an affair is discovered and then goes underground.

As for telling the OMs wife, I dont see any valid reason to wait and as for destroying his marriage, he already did that and his wife has every right in the world to know the truth.

Like your handle hints, your life is now upside down. You are now officially on the crazy train that your wife has bought you a ticket for. It's not going to be a fun ride and you are in the very, very early days of this trauma.

You don't have to make any decisions now, but I will caution you that what you do need to do is to have her start to face up to the consequences of her actions.

And the whole time, she wouldn't tell me HIS name, bc he was married too! Like she was more concerned about protecting HIS marriage

It's not like she's more concerned about his marriage it IS that she is more concerned about his marriage. This is all evidence that she is deep in what we call here the "fog" of the affair--this is the dangerous, delusional place where she is literally not thinking clearly and caught up in the fantasy of what she thinks she's feeling and doing.

The best way to get her out of this fog is to a) initiate D, or at least separation

b) tell the OBS who will drag her own spouse out of his delusional fog

c) tell HR or anyone else at work who would be "interested" in this

d) do not keep her secrets for her. This is not your place.

Back to you: you do you. This is the very early days of what will probably be the most traumatic event of your life. You will not eat, you will not sleep, you will be a zombie punctuated by moments of terror and heartbreak. You will go through stages of grieving: anger, denial, bargaining etc... You are grieving the life that you thought you had, the marriage you thought you had, the woman that you thought you knew and loved. All of that is gone and it's reality whiplash for a long time to come.

Get yourself into individual therapy and start to process all these different emotions that will be thrown up off the back of this process.

I am also going to tell you straight up, that you don't know the whole truth and you should trust your gut. But there will be more to this story that will surface. I'm 100% sure there was a physical relationship. When this surfaces, you will be suffer a whole new round of devastation and pain. Prepare.

If you are not into exercise, I strongly advise you to start. If you are, ramp it up. It will help you sleep better and eat better and level your emotions.

Hang in there.

upsidedown1... sorry to have to welcome you to the club. Cheaters often give "trickle truths" only admitting to the minimum that they have been caught for. Most likely thee is a lot more that you don't know. If she was truly looking to make things work, she'd be 100% honest. I'll echo other comments and say that only you can say if you made the right choice.. but I think so.

My attorney gave me the same advice about not letting the other guys wife know about the affair until our divorce was settled. It hasn't been easy keeping it from most family and friends (I have a few that I confided in). But once the judge's gavel bangs the desk all bets are off. You should not feel bad telling his wife. THEY destroyed that marriage, not you. She should know about her husbands affair... there is a good chance there has been more than one.

Living together after deciding to file is rough. We filed, I discovered her affair (which she openly kept up after I caught them), and we still were stuck living together for a few months until she finally moved out. The day she moved out I popped some champagne and things have been better ever since.

Life gets better and things get easier. every time I had even a hint of bad feelings about the divorce, I just simply remembered what she did, that always go time back on track. Read up on the healing library and the 180. Take care of yourself and most importantly take some time. This is all just a week old.

Oh my God this really IS a roller coaster. Now back to remembering how much I loved/love her & feeling terrible about ending it. I know people deserve second chances in life.

Not everybody.

Its normal to feel like this but you can't make decisions based on how you feel at that moment. You might feel like R today and then hate her tomorrow.

In this case she gave you no choice, you can't stay married to someone that will lie straight to your face without blinking an eye and have sex with another man in your house.

Part of me now feels like I've been too harsh / not forgiving enough to this person who has been my wife/best friend/lover for 10 yrs.

Really? she's been cheating on you and you think you are too harsh? If anything you've been too nice.

but then I keep asking myself, I know she is sorry, but even IF I forgave her, which I think I could do, how could I ever trust her? (Don't think I could do)

You don't know if she is sorry, all you know is she is freaking out because she got caught and might actually have to suffer the consequences of her actions. She knew the risk but did it anyway.

Don't feel sorry for her, YOU are the victim here. not her.

[This message edited by Dobby at 11:23 AM, January 15th (Friday)]

Oh my God this really IS a roller coaster.

Oh yes. Infidelity is crazy-making shit, brother. I went through the same thing. I was hit with hysterical bonding (and that's just what it sounds like).

Look man, file for divorce. Get the message across that infidelity is a deal-breaker and there are some pretty serious conditions that will absolutely have to be met if R is ever going to be even considered. You're going to have to endure a waiting period before the divorce can be final anyway, and you can always end the process.

You're going to feel very conflicted. It's natural. It happens. It's common, even predictable. Trust your instincts, your gut, and you can't go wrong.

She said she didn't block his # bc she knew it'd show up in the blocked list, then I'd find it, & was scared I was going to call him & cause trouble. I have actually checked the cell records since she said she ended it, and haven't seen anything else from that #.

Very torn right now. I feel like I'm trapped and there's no 'right thing' to do either way. Get the divorce, I'm terrified I'll always feel like I let the best thing that's ever happened to me get away without even trying to forgive her / give her a 2nd chance. If we stay married I'm terrified of it happening again, terrified that we'd never rebuild the trust, & that id be paranoid & monitoring her 24/7.

Are couples ever really able to get through an affair? Is that even possible?

Whatever you do OP, make sure you get all the truth. There is nothing worse than working on forgiveness for some time only to find out that your WS is hiding more information, and I think you know she is not being 100% truthful. She only admits to what you can prove. Do not yield on this point. There can be no moving forward if you do not know what you are forgiving.

Frankly, your WS's obsession with protecting the other guy at the expense of your and her marriage is a giant red flag. You need to get to the bottom of that. Remind her she can only play on one team. She is either on your team working to protect you, or on his team working to protect him. It looks like she is on his team, but she is doing things to appease you. Be very careful you are not manipulated.

I would certainly tell the OM's spouse, whether yo divorce your wife or not. She deserves to know who she is married to, and lessens the chances of the affair restarting at some point, if it is dead now. Good Luck OP.

Are couples ever really able to get through an affair? Is that even possible?

Yes, Upsidedown, some do. Some do and some don't. Some try and some don't.

It is possible though. In my humble opinion, it is ONLY possible if "The Work" is done. And it takes a lot of work as I've been learning this past year. A lot.

You've got absolutely nothing to lose with that book I've recommended. Nothing. $10. (and no, I don't work for the book people! LOL) It is approx 100 pages. Having your wife read it does not obligate you to reconcile.

The poster just above lays down some solid wisdom with:

Whatever you do OP, make sure you get all the truth. There is nothing worse than working on forgiveness for some time only to find out that your WS is hiding more information, and I think you know she is not being 100% truthful. She only admits to what you can prove. Do not yield on this point. There can be no moving forward if you do not know what you are forgiving.

Take ^^that^^ to the bank.

The ONLY way R works is for the WS to be 1000% truthful and forthcoming, and THEN with a lot of work.

Good luck, brother. Keep posting. We're here.

I'm terrified I'll always feel like I let the best thing that's ever happened to me get away without even trying to forgive her / give her a 2nd chance. If we stay married I'm terrified of it happening again,

You cannot forgive what you don't know. You need to know the entire truth before you can ever forgive. Then you can make a rational and informed decision.

Make your wife feel safe to be totally honest, in other words, let her know you will not divorce her for the truths.

But continual lies are nothing but a slap in your face, at the very least.

It will happen again unless this is not swept under the rug, it will happen again unless your wife can figure out the why, be totally honest with herself and the therapist.

The truth is the most important, because living with a liar is about the worst marriage you can ever have.

She is afraid you were going to cause trouble, too bad, she should have thought of that before having an affair.

This is the most common lie, lame excuse the WW will use for lying and continual lying. Just make sure you do not cause illegal trouble, going to jail will not help you at all.

Print this out for your wife to read:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/joseph.asp

[This message edited by craig2001 at 12:57 PM, January 15th (Friday)]

She said she didn't block his # bc she knew it'd show up in the blocked list, then I'd find it, & was scared I was going to call him & cause trouble. I have actually checked the cell records since she said she ended it, and haven't seen anything else from that #.

Very torn right now. I feel like I'm trapped and there's no 'right thing' to do either way. Get the divorce, I'm terrified I'll always feel like I let the best thing that's ever happened to me get away without even trying to forgive her / give her a 2nd chance. If we stay married I'm terrified of it happening again, terrified that we'd never rebuild the trust, & that id be paranoid & monitoring her 24/7.

Are couples ever really able to get through an affair? Is that even possible?

You HAVE to get the truth and you HAVE to tell her boyfriend's wife.

Your lawyer had a good point about holding off telling the spouse, but this is not a clear cut divorce case. If you want to know exactly where you stand you NEED to tell the wife as soon as possible (and do not tell your wife, it's likely she has more loyalty towards him as she does to you at this point)

Ultimately if she gets mad at your for ruining her boyfriend's life is that really a marriage worth keeping? It will help settle some things in your mind that way as well.

Listen, this is a very easy divorce 50/50 if that is how you want things to go. YOU should be the one mad.

End your open marriage this instant. Tell the other wife. End her affair. Start getting the truth so you can move out of this absolute hell, and the truth is the only way to get there.

And she was not crying about her good times with you when she was with him. She is manipulating you.

I have actually checked the cell records since she said she ended it, and haven't seen anything else from that #.

It troubles me that she refused to end things the night you confronted her and insisted on waiting to do it the next day at work. Then, she showed you what you felt was "scripted" communication between them. First of all, she should have been thrilled to do anything you asked of her in order to save the marriage. By doing it her way, you have no idea what was really said.

Do you think she wanted to do it in person so they could come up with a new plan? I mean, it's obvious they couldn't keep communicating on her old phone with his old number.

Look, I don't want to try to tell you what you should do. But, I don't think anyone here thinks you've gotten the whole story from her. Do you?

Then, she showed you what you felt was "scripted" communication between them.

If you felt it was, then it probably was.

In my case it was most certainly scripted. My wife warned the OM about this and she warned him I would be calling him on the phone and recording it.

Yes, I was an idiot for ever telling her my plans/threats.

Scripted = warned.

She needs to become totally honest if there is any chance of R.

It's important to understand and recognize the difference between regret and remorse.

Regret is when she is feeling sorry for herself, that her affair has been discovered and that she has been proven to be a liar and a cheat.

Remorse is when she is feeling and showing true guilt, and empathy for you and your feelings, because of what she has done.

Her actions are your best gauge to determine regret from remorse. Taking full responsibility for her choices, being completely transparent about her affair, what she is going to do to understand why she chose to cross her boundaries, what steps she is going to take to ensure she doesn't repeat, etc..

Doing whatever you need her to do. That is remorse.

So far she is playing victim. That, unfortunately, is regret.

[This message edited by Phantasmagoria at 1:34 PM, January 15th (Friday)]

In my opinion you are being played. She stayed home from work, came in your room and the two of you had a good cry and talked about the good old days, and then you all of the sudden you are confused, you don't know what to do. You know why? She just manipulated the hell out of you. That is why you need to go to the Healing Library and read the 180 and start it now. You say, this is the woman I married, my best friend, the best thing that ever happened to me. She is not any of those things. She has become a complete different person. Would the woman you married exchange filthy pics with a man? Would she actively cheat? She has changed brother, and you need to get your mind wrapped around that, and fast, or you are going to get played. As long as she is lying and protecting the other man, then file that divorce. Talking about times past and crying has to stop. Those days and that marriage are gone. You have to deal with this new marriage to a woman you don't know. Sure she looks like your old wife, but she's not. Think about it brother, what should have happened was she comes into your room this morning and cries and tells you everything about the other man and the entire affair. Gives you all the details and is fine with you telling his wife if it will help save the marriage and help you heal. But that's not what happened. She is manipulating you, which makes everything she's doing even worse. Start the 180, distance yourself emotionally from her so you can make rational decisions. And no more cry parties, and no more talking with her about how great it used to be. Because it sure as hell ain't that great right now.

Get the divorce, I'm terrified I'll always feel like I let the best thing that's ever happened to me get away without even trying to forgive her / give her a 2nd chance. If we stay married I'm terrified of it happening again, terrified that we'd never rebuild the trust, & that id be paranoid & monitoring her 24/7.

I am sorry but the best thing thats ever happened to you got away for good when she cheated as:

You will never see her the same.

You will never trust her the same.

You will alway wonder if there was more.

You will always compare your self to OM.

You will always wonder if you are enougth.

You will always wonder if she is rememoring good moments with him when she is quiet.

You will always wonder while having sex if she thinks of him.

And so on.

Besides she is protecting OM. Just think of this, if she were trying to save her marriage on the edge of D, wouldt she be willing to do anything?

I am sorry again but your WW wont, at least regarding to OM because:

She have feeling for him, stronger than for you, at least she believes that rigth now (the fog)

She thinks OM is a great guy, cant see that a person that cheats on his family and have sex with married woman is not a POS.

She feels justifyed. Not feel remorse just regrets been caugth.

She is protecting him, not you or even her at this point, just him.

She thinks her affair is not a big deal as she deserves to be happy and has rewrited your marriage to justify it (maybe not yet but wait)

She tries to manipulated you because she took you for granted.

So on

A remorsful WS will own the affair, come clean and repudiate AP, will be willing to confess and apology to AP Spouse.

And the worse part is that even you WW were a candidate for R (she is not) maybe this was/is a deal breaker for you. R is not for everybody, it has nothing to do with be strong or go the easy way, it is just who you are and dont betryed your self.

Take your time but dont make any promisse. Do 180 to detach and get perspective.

Good luck

[This message edited by Mrhealed at 2:07 PM, January 15th (Friday)]

Has she given you an honest detailed description of what happened, including timeline, sex acts, what was said etc ?

Hi. I'm sorry you're faced with this, but it's great you found this site. You'll get lots of advice here, mostly good, take what you want and ignore the rest. The advice you've received thus far is very good.

Having said that, here's some of my advice&questions:

1. It's great you've been to see a lawyer, that's one of the most important things to do immediately!

2. Go buy a VAR (voice activated recorder) or a GoPro thingy immediately and use it to record all your interactions with her. She might try to falsely accuse you of domestic violence to the police. Better safe than sorry, and there have been betrayed husbands here who were hit with false DV charges. I know you probably think she wouldn't do that, but considering her cheating you don't know her as well as you did. As all of us who were betrayed thought we knew our partners.

3. Set up individual counselling for yourself IMMEDIATELY! You need professional help in dealing with this level of betrayal&shock. Find someone with experience in infidelity and/or PTSD. That was paramount in bearing the pain and healing myself. That will help you both short-term and long-term.

4. Go see your doctor about STD testing. Be aware that if you have sex with her in a moment of weakness, you risk getting an STD and/or getting her pregnant.

5. Confide in your friends&family about this. You need and deserve their support. Have you told any of them yet of her cheating?

6. I too agree with others who are advocating you tell the OM's wife as soon as possible. Every day that passes is another day stolen from her, another day where's she's at risk of contracting an STD from her cheating husband (who might be screwing other people as well) OR having an STD that she already contracted get further developed because it won't be treated in time. Also, every day gives her husband more time to funnel away joint money, to convince her with some bullshit reason to sign the house over to him, to co-sign a loan for his I don't know what,... Every day another chance for him to get her pregnant to further tie her down to himself. Every day is another day when being silent is being complicit to the betrayal of her husband. The saying goes:"All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing". Is you potentially saving a few thousand dollars in the divorce worth you NOT doing the right thing by telling her immediately? Worth your conscience if she gets HIV from him? Please, think strongly about this, talk to your friends and family.

7. Make sure you eat, sleep and exercise as much as possible. If you're having trouble, talk to your doctor or a pharmacist. DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. It's way too easy to spiral out of control. I stopped myself quite close to becoming an alcoholic in the aftermath of it all.

8. Google "No more mr. nice guy pdf", it's a great book available online for free that might be a source of great strength and self-esteem for you, as it was for me. Also, google "Codependent no more pdf", also available online for free. Another great book to read on this topic is "Married man sex life primer", I'd recommend you go to the library and get a copy of it.

9. Go to the "I can relate" subforum here and check out the "Betrayed menz" thread on the first page. Read and post there.

10. You DON'T HAVE TO DECIDE RIGHT NOW whether to give her another chance or not. That decision can wait for quite some time (but make sure waiting to make the decision doesn't hurt you legally, financially, physically/health-wise,... -> talk to your lawyer etc.). Remember, even if you start the divorce proceedings, you can stop them. And even if you finish the divorce proceedings, you can still reconcile with her despite divorcing her. If she's truly remorseful, she will be desperate to get you back even if you divorce her. And if she'll be willing to stay without you despite the divorce, it will be a good sign she's doing that not because she wants the financial,..., security of the marriage, but because of you. So again, no need to make quick decision.

Also, like others have said, it's a roller-coaster, being cheated on. It's one of the most shocking and traumatic things you'll ever experience in life. It is perfectly understandble to be dazed and confused from all this, to not know what exactly to do, to feel one thing one moment and another the next moment. As time goes by and you work on healing yourself, things will get considerably better.

What's crucial is that you don't make any really bad decisions in this first stage of being totally mentally fuc-ed up, like getting her pregnant, getting an STD, you cheating on her with someone else and thereby demeaning yourself, you becoming an alocoholic, crashing a car, beating him up and ending in jail etc.

11. If you will be giving her yet another chance (remember, all the times you've confronted her, every day since the first day,..., was another chance to her that she squandered and used against you), she needs to go to IC at least for a month before you two even consider MC together. I recommend YOU find a good IC for HER, one that you will know has a no-nonsense approach to infidelity (knows that cheating is 100% cheater's fault,...) and go to her first session with her to make sure the counsellor knows all about the cheating. Only after that should you try MC with her.

12. For suggestions on how to try to reconcile, google "How to help your spouse heal linda macdonald pdf", it's a great book available online for free that might help you two tremendously.

13. What was her and your childhood/youth like? Please, google "Toxic parents pdf", it's a great book available online for free. Also, check out "Families and how to survive them", it opened my eyes on the topic of childhood issues and how they connect to adult relationships.

14. I think it's important that you tell her that as a condition for you to attempt to reconcile with her is for her to write you a detailed timeline of the affair(s). Upon telling her, notify her you'll want her to undertake a polygraph test afterwards to ascertain you have the full truth.

15. A phrase that I've heard a lot here and with which I agree is that you must be willing to lose the marriage(relationship) to save it. You mustn't think of her as the prize and you mustn't approach this from a position of weakness, of you trying to win her back by being nice etc. You must get therapy, you must get into the mindset that you will be ok even if you divorce and that you will not settle for rugsweeping or anything less than her being fully remorseful and committed to redeeming herself and helping you heal.

16. If she continues to have contact with him despite you demanding she stops, and if you'll want to stop the affair, EXPOSE HER CHEATING to her friends&family and/or SERVE HER WITH DIVORCE PAPERS. Remember, even if you serve her, you can always stop the divorce later if she proves remorseful etc. But it's a good wake-up call for the cheater that very often works.

Most of all, keep talking to us, the more you talk to us, the more we can help you and support you!

Best wishes

So the best thing you ever had is a woman who betrayed you in the worst possible way? Who lied and denied everything until you showed her proof? And, believe me, she's still hiding and holding out on the truth. She's manipulating you with those tears. She's panicking now that she's going to have to face the consequences of her cheating. Next thing she's going to do is go after you sexually. Maybe she already has - but it is pure manipulation.

As far as physical - it is 99.99% that they were having sex. In the hundred's of stories I've experienced or read that start out like yours the WW has had sex with him every time. Every single time. If you want to know for sure, keep digging. She will NEVER tell you things that she believe you can't prove - never. As you close in on the truth she might tell you a couple "nasty" things to give you the impression that she's coming clean - but it's all bullshit.

The most important factor here, besides her screwing another man, is that you don't have kids. You walk away 50/50 split with a clean slate. Don't throw away the opportunity to find a woman who will be true to you.

Listen to your lawyer. Hold off telling OM's wife until your divorce settlement is final.

[This message edited by theDrifter at 5:14 PM, January 15th (Friday)]

First off I'd like to thank each & everyone of you who have posted here. You're all complete strangers to me, yet helping me through the worst time of my life. Thank God I stumbled into this place. Some of you have posed questions, & I'm trying to post answers to all of them but know I'm falling short. Just a bit scattered right now.

The "R" thoughts I was considering we're just a very brief & naive stop on this rollercoaster ride. Yesterday, after all this talk of how she wanted to remain friends, do play dates with our dogs etc, etc. I wanted to keep it cordial. I told her I don't hate HER, just hate what she did to me, & the position she's put me in.

But then I started asking more questions. First surrounding the 'breakup texts'. When she showed me those last Friday, I knew something was scripted, (i.e. Texts had taken place that had been deleted). I pressed on that last Fri, she eventually said he had sent another one but that she didn't tell me at first bc all it said was "good luck, see ya around" or something. So I asked her, if I check this phone bill when it comes out, will it show more texts than that? "Well.. Yea there were a few more, but it wasn't a big deal". Said he had first responded wanting to know why she was ending it, if she'd been caught. So who knows what they really said. She might just be making excuses bc she knew I'd see the # of texts & had to come up for a reason for them. He was probably trying to make sure his wife wasn't goin to find out. I made her block the # in her phone in front of me, and told her as soon as she moves out she can unblock it (hopefully very soon).

She asked me again to PLEASE not tell the OM's wife, bc she didn't want to wreck things for their kids. I told her I haven't decided yet. (I have, I'm going to tell her, & some posters are saying I need to immediately, but I don't know, I might have to wait, but that's up to me)

Then things got ugly. I think she felt desperate, but she got VERY angry, kicked in the guest room door here for a heated shouting match. She'd lost her cool. In the middle of all the yelling, she said that he didn't even work at the side job she had (which I made her quit) but that he's at her MAIN job. Then she said that they'd slept together three times (I'd suspected at least 3 from the phone records of the nights I was out of town, & the one night she said she was working late). She said that they'd met at one of his friends' places, (I'm thinking close to the place they work),Then, not 20 mins later once she'd calmed down a bit, tried to take it all back. "I don't know why I said those things, I was just mad, they weren't true." Total BS. And then after talking even more, she confesses, "ok he DOES work at my main job, but I didn't sleep with him, I just said that bc I was angry." So she's still doing the whole "trickle truth" thing. And she tried to recant her confession to sleeping with him. Physical acts aside, the continuous lying at every step of these past 9 days has made R impossible. My only option now is divorce & I know that. Thank you to all the posters who helped me see that.

I read a bit on the 180 & am working to implement that. No more nice guy, not trying to be an asshole, but I don't need to be nice to her. She tried to come lay in the guest bed with me & I told her she needed to leave, that I wasn't going to comfort the woman who wrecked my life.

Someone posted names of several help book PDFs, I intent to read them all (other than the R topic, as that is not a possibility anymore, I don't think it ever was). Also, I fully intend to schedule myself IC in the near future, bc I know I'm messed up in the head now from this & need help! Before all this happened I used to be somewhat of a gym rat, I intend to get back to that. I feel like as soon as she's out of this house I'll be able to start moving on.