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Ours improved. But that is still quite a sad state.

Before I would beg and beg. I would wear nice clothes, perfume and make up. I would be charming and agreeable all day, compliment him and let him know how much he turned me on. Meanwhile he was sexting women and going to escorts/massage parlors.

He would resist for all he was worth until MAYBE once a month he'd break down and 'let me'...he'd be done in a few minutes and it was a toss up as to whether I could finish before him. I can finish fast but some times? WAY too fast for me. I need at least 3-4 minutes. No stimulation for me, and one position (spoiler alert- the one where he does no work at all).

Now it can be counted on at least once a week/twice a month but still same amount of effort on his part. Also, now I am totally disgusted with myself after seeing his gorgeous conquests (escorts in their 20's perfect tight bodies with big bouncy booties and fake boobs). So I get what I need as fast as possible and as clothed as possible and jump off for a shower behind a locked door. I am not 'into' it anymore except as a physical release.

Oh, it’s the WS who has trouble with sex. I assumed it was the BS who doesn’t feel attracted to the broken selfishness of the WS. Okay then could it be a low self esteem issue, like WS doesn’t feel he/she deserves the BS, or it could be that there are more secrets (e.g., WS secretly romanticizes the affair still)? I think addressing the specific issue would help. Also, I noticed many of us are middle aged. Could it be hormonal changes?

Also, I noticed many of us are middle aged. Could it be hormonal changes?

Oh God yes. This. ^^^^^^^

When I was going through peri-menopause I could care less about sex. Never thought about and never wanted it. This was part of what began our disconnect. Then came menopause and I think I am just the opposite of what normally happens.

I want sex all the time now and think about it daily. I feel like I did when I was in my 20's. So now my H is almost 50 and though his sex drive isn't gone, it's not like mine. Even during his A he said it wasn't all there. The A lasted a year and they maybe had sex 10 times. I know once is too many, but you would think they would have done it more than 10 times in a year.

I think hormones play a big part of it.

Kids>sex for me, as well.

I think I’ve given up on it.

I think you have to target exactly what’s bothering you and keep trying.

This is my million dollar question though. Would I be better off leaving and starting anew with someone down the road? How much time and energy am I willing to give this? I already gave our M so much time and energy for 20 years, I took our vows and our family seriously, and look where that landed me. I wonder if I should just break out of the mental sex prison...

And to this:

Also, I noticed many of us are middle aged. Could it be hormonal changes?

Yes. But--WH doesn't want to help you through it and stick by you until you figure out what the hell is going on (numerous tried remedies and doctor's appts). Instead, it's, "woe is me, no sex again, my wife just doesn't love me or want me anymore..." TMI: Well, I guess since you aren't bleeding like a stuck pig 25 out of the 30 days in a month you just do not understand and don't want to even though BW is trying to get you to understand and asking that you show her some respect and to let her have some dignity throughout the process. But instead, let's throw guilt out there. And, don't stop there, because you are so pissed, you don't want to help around the house, you are selfish with every bit of time and money that you feel like you can or should control, argue every little thing to exhaustion, talk down to your BW, and won't take care of your family the way you should, don't worry, BW will suck it up, as always. She will take it for the team.

And even during all that, when BW is being gaslighted by WH and treated like crap because of stuff out of her control, the BW still continues to try to make it work when they throw a Hail Mary to save the sex life (sex every day for as long as possible including fantasies and toys galore); yet, stupid WH then puts forth minimal effort when asked to do something he wants to do sexually and remains selfish in bed--LMAO! What stupid man does that?? A selfish and entitled one, that's what. WH wonders why BW gave up and dodges him? WH has not helped one iota, yet expects everything because all he thinks about is his dick.

Well, logically then - why not go find a whore? Better yet, how about a married one? And even better than that, how about one that is a total affair down that ends up stalking you like the Jerry Springer Show to the point BW had to tell OBS she would have a restraining order put on POSOW? Sorry if that's a bit of a T/J or too much TMI even, not meant to be about OP, just a vent about this statement...and I think it most likely applies to a lot of BWs.

You guys are saints to your Husbands! How can you take care of the house and kids, go to work, come home to have sex with your entitled husbands when you are peri menopausal or bleeding? I had premature menopause. It started at around age 32. It went undiagnosed and my poor husband got less and less sex. We had young kids, and sex was a painful chore. When we did have sex which got to be like once a quarter, I am sure he felt like he was raping me. It was THAT painful! I wish women wouldn’t suffer in silence. We need to normalize the problem so couples can find ways around the issue without shame.

Anyhow, Iadies, i just want to say that I admire your generosity to your H’s. Your H’s don’t know how lucky they are to have you.

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