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I don't think I am looking for something unreasonable.

I certainly don't think it is unreasonable to have/want companionship. PROVIDED your mindset is in the right place and you are looking for someone to spend time with that can ENHANCE your already contented life. If you are feeling like you *need* someone in your life or it is just not complete, that can be problematic. Bringing in someone else needs to compliment a life you already enjoy, not fill a void. This partner should be icing on the cake wherein her presence is nice to have, but you are totally comfortable being on your own, too, because your life is full of other interests and hobbies.

Maybe sit with that thought for a bit and think about why you are not content without a "life partner." That might take some of the pressure off of you.

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 6:47 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)]

I have been through hell and back financially, emotionally, and in the recent timeframe have gotten to where things are good... No more stress over basic stuff, gotten back to doing simple things I enjoy and have time for.

except, like I mentioned before.. that companionship, kids are great.. it's the adult companionship is what I want.. also, not to be graphic or anything like that.. but I like sex, and I deserve to have the real deal. and that doesn't mean to go off the rails and go pay for it either. I am better than that.

Do you like treats and having your tummy rubbed, too!

Duh, and the treats better be the bacon flavored ones!

So it seems the dating world is a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” kind of situation.

If you act too interested, too eager, too interested women think you are too available.

If you try the aloof approach they think you are disinterested or maybe think you are dating a bunch of other women. (That’s probably what I would think.)

I guess it’s difficult to find the middle ground.

I think you just haven’t found “The One” and that’s the problem.

When you meet the right person everything just falls into place.

Just be authentic and yourself / be up-front and honest about what it is you are looking for.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable AT ALL to want adult companionship.

Just keep looking, LBC, she is out there. It will likely happen when you least expect it.

Yes, us ladies are pretty nuts. No argument there!

I guess the only thing to do is just *not* date

Solved it.

To only contact someone only once every few weeks.. for example, to me is not even a relationship.. maybe an acquaintance at best.

Yes. But at the beginning, when you've only recently met, it's NOT a relationship.

Look, everyone's different. Cliche, but just be yourself, and you'll find a good match.

"Don't always be available" or "Make her wait, before responding"..

Women have been given this advice for ages. There has been “anthropological rationale” for this (“men like the hunt....”). The best selling book “The Rules” was filled with advice / tips like this.

If women are crazy, then men are equally crazy, if not more so.

But it does seem by the responses.. that pretending to not be interested as a means to garnish attention or desire is not the way to go..

I think y'all are phrasing this wrong. It's not that you need to pretend to not be interested. Don't pretend, be genuine.

However, I think that you need to have interests other than dating. When I was doing the OLD thing, I made it clear that I had a number of other interests, including sports (golf, bowling, etc), my kids (my #1 priority), reading, home improvement, and outdoorsy things (except hunting... I don't hunt).

You should have shared interests with a special someone. A relationship based strictly on cuddling, sex, and physical attraction can only last so long.

When I met my current husband, he was a pretty busy man. He was married, not happily, so he had built a fulfilling life for himself away from home. He took classes, volunteered at three places; and helped people around the senior living facility where we lived with car repairs, computer advice and rides to where they wanted. A month after we met, his wife moved out.

Sixteen months later, my husband had died and we started dating. He made it crystal clear thst he was VERY interested in me. Yet, he would end a date earlier than I preferred to honor his self imposed promise to keep ferrying a woman back and forth to visit her husband in extended care daily, for several months.

No games, just his life. Which made me like him even more! He didnt need me, but he wanted me.

These "games" are more typical of young adults, than a particular gender, in my experience.

One of the nice things about dating in middle age is the ease with which people can just put out who they are and what they're looking for.

The book “The Rules”....Yeah, I followed it like the Bible when dating my now XH. It was a perfect method to land an emotionally unavailable man. I distinctly remember thinking while dating, how the hell do I make this transition once we become a couple? - Suffice to say, what you do to get them is what you have to do to keep them. A lot of really hard lessons in that experience!! I totally missed the point about the authenticity of behavior - and in response I got a partner that behaved totally inauthentically.

I don't think all women are like that. I don't play games and the man I'm dating was clear that he was very interested right from the beginning. We do have mutual friends and we had met before which made the first dates easier.

Just be you. If someone doesn't like that, NEXT!!!

Life is way too short.

Newbie here..

LilBlackCat, thank you for sharing your rant.

I am of the mindset that crazy women/men are indeed crazy. I believe that your natural match will not think of you as too clingy, too needy, too affectionate or too anything negative. Perhaps too cute though, because she'll appreciate, adore, delight in and love how you're wired. She'll also be able to reciprocate. I wish you well in your search for your beloved.

[This message edited by JoyfulMourning at 3:46 AM, April 18th (Thursday)]

I hate the games too. Have a wonderful, mature, loving relationship now. I think being authentic is vital, and anyone playing games isn't worth it.