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I have had several women tell me to "Don't always be available" or "Make her wait, before responding".. another is to "Show loss of interest" or even "Act as if she's is just an (losing) option of many".. and that will garner me more interest from someone who has shown interest, versus showing that I am truly interested and available.

Why can't women be like men.. if you are interested.. you are interested.

Plain and simple.

PS, I hope I do not offend anyone with this post.

Why can't women be like men.. if you are interested.. you are interested.

That's how I am... the older I get, the more I hate game playing. If you're interested, just say it/act it! Right?

Before SO and I started dating, I gave him a list of deal breakers and asked if he was in or out. We're almost at 6 years, so it's safe to say he was in and my no nonsense approach didn't scare him off.

Before SO and I started dating, I gave him a list of deal breakers and asked if he was in or out.

That would make life so much easier if women/men both did that.

Nah. My new H was very straightforward and pursued me with great interest after our incredible first date. I found it extremely refreshing. Maybe because I dated for years and am over a certain age, but games are stupid and don’t interest me. There is however a difference between showing your interest and coming off as an obsessed stalker - I’ve had that too and it’s a deal breaker for sure. Unfortunately for every woman you ask you will get a different opinion of what they want and where the line is between too little, enough, and too much.

I hate drama. Be honest. Any woman worth having at this point in the game will appreciate honesty.

If I could have a questionnaire for dating, I would!

I have had several women tell me to "Don't always be available" or "Make her wait, before responding".. another is to "Show loss of interest" or even "Act as if she's is just an (losing) option of many".. and that will garner me more interest from someone who has shown interest, versus showing that I am truly interested and available.

Maybe I am biased after dealing with a narcissist for 18 years (literally... our first date was April 15, 2001), but this is some horrible fucking advice.

This advice is, more or less, be a narcissistic asshole. Fuck that. Be healthy. Tell a woman straight-up what you want and if she doesn't go for it... move on.

Do this in a healthy way, not a whacky, fucked-up way.

p.s. Women are crazy. So are men.

If you play games with prospective partners, you will only pick up game-players. If you're honest up front, you have a better chance of netting an honest person. The fish you get depends on the bait you toss into the water.

What kind of women are giving you this advice???

You're getting AWFUL advice. When you play mind games, you'll attract the types of women who like mind games.

Often you might be let down by women who aren't interested in a genuinely nice guy who shows his interest. That's a good thing. Weeds out the crazies and the dysfunctional types.

No women aren't crazy. Just some are, just as some men are.

Be yourself. That way you'll attract like minded and won't have to constantly be playing head games in a relationship.

Honestly, if a guy played the games you are being advised to play, I would immediately next him. I have no time, nor desire, to engage in juvenile mind games. I WANT game free directness and honesty.

Sheesh. Who's got time for that nonsense?

Be yourself. Avoid game players.

Some are and so are some men. I don't like games, I have a lot of other things to worry about and honestly, maybe I'm just too lazy for that. With me is what you see is what you get. There sure are a lot of women around like that. The funny thing is, I got the same advice many years ago about dealing with men. Rotten eggs everywhere

I'm not sure if I'm one of the people you are referring to, but I DID tell you in your other thread to not ALWAYS be available for dates; not in a lying/mind game way, but to indeed HAVE interests other than dating/women/finding "the one" and to, in fact, pursue those interests. I don't know any emotionally healthy woman who wants to be the ONLY thing you are interested in; your full-time obsession, the center of your universe. Outside interests show a strong, well-balanced, confident man. Personally, I find that very attractive.

The other game-playing advice? Hard pass on those. Don't play games. Don't lie. If you tell her you can't go out on a certain day because you have plans, actually HAVE PLANS. It's ok. Really. If she is butt hurt that you aren't available 100% of the time, then she is a bottomless pit of need, and you'd do best to move along.

WhoTheBleep, I mentioned your comment to a female friend and she was like.. exactly.. and then kept on going..

Saying that yes, it sounds counter intuitive, but it will garner better results than what I am now..

Which is a bunch of crickets.

Game playing is completely wrong-headed.

HOWEVER. I don't think it's wrong of someone to not want the other person to pay too much attention to them. I don't want someone who is needy, or someone who has way more time on their hands than I have. If someone only contacts me every few weeks, that's probably about the right speed for me. Also it takes the pressure off if I feel like they have other options and are not putting all their eggs in my basket, at least initially.

But pretending you are low-needs when you are actually high-needs.... that's likely to result in a poor match... which is why game playing is not a good approach.

I read this as a poorly worded attempt to say, "Don't come on too strong".

Take your time to figure out if she is a good fit.

To only contact someone only once every few weeks.. for example, to me is not even a relationship.. maybe an acquaintance at best.

I get the don't come on too strong.. and take it slow..

I am going to gym again..

But, I really am tired of being without affection, and without the love of a partner in life.

But, I really am tired of being without affection, and without the love of a partner in life.

This is initially going to sound like a flippant question but - why?

What exactly will you have, how will your life be better by having a partner?

It’s really important that we get clear on what exactly we are looking for in a partner. Not in the person themselves...but how we think WE will be better by having them. This is the place we’re we tend to get our own value and identity wrapped up in other people - and this is what I see as being at the heart of your original question/subject of vent.

There’s a HUGE difference between having limited time and availability to what you give to a relationship because you have so many other fulfilling activities...and only appearing to only have limited availability until you get “the” relationship. If you’re responding as such because someone has given you that advice, then you’ve missed the whole point and it DOES become game-playing.

I can only respond for myself but one of my absolute favorite things about my man is his complete lack of bullshit and game-playing. I find it insanely refreshing and attractive.

Honestly LBC, after reading some of your post, and I certainly don't know you very well, but I think it may be worth your effort to be alone for a bit.

The needing affection and suggestions from female friends of yours of basically sounding not so Needy, sends the message that you need to find LBC again.

At the end of the day, its not about the games, and the whole not being available from the standpoint of dating means that you LBC have a life, interest of your own, friends of your own, hobbies of your own. Its probably too much pressure on the females you will date for them to be your end all and be all. That type of pressure would scare anyone away, not because its some game, but b/c no one can be that person for you, now should any healthy person want that for themselves either.

Remember, you just got out of an unhealthy relationship with a cheater. The focus going forward if you want back into a relationship is to be healthy in body and mind yourself, and than to make sure your picker is on straight so that you will also find someone who is both healthy in body and mind.

Put yourself in their shoes. How many males like a stage 5 clinger of a girlfriend? Not this guy, and I bet not a lot of regular guys out there either.

This is initially going to sound like a flippant question but - why?

What exactly will you have, how will your life be better by having a partner?

I would be nice to watch or enjoy simple moments like watching a movie at home and be able to cuddle up and those moment in them where you can relate cause you are with someone special..

I like to go walking, would be nice to go with someone other than my kids or alone.. The mindset and how the moment flows of watching the sunset is just different.

I mean to me, it seems like lil basic stuff, that would be nice to experience again with a special person in my life.. I'm not wanting to be serial dater thus find someone who I can grow old with..

I don't think I am looking for something unreasonable.

But it does seem by the responses.. that pretending to not be interested as a means to garnish attention or desire is not the way to go..

Do you like treats and having your tummy rubbed, too!

I think ‘games’ can be a very mis-used term in these threads. In general (meaning not all!) women like a man with depth and some mystery. Not mystery as in secretive, but someone who has many layers, interests, hobbies and pursuits, a full life that will add to their life and make their life more interesting. These are the things you need to focus on to the point where you should be considering, believing, and behaving as though you are the catch - the pursued because your life is so full, your confidence justifiably high, and neediness not even entering the frame. It necessitates you getting out of your comfort zone, doing things that you’ve thought about but haven’t leaned into, and it takes time...but time well spent! Being less available because of a rich and active life is what is meant in this context!

[This message edited by Phantasmagoria at 6:32 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)]